Saving Me
by Ms. Belikov
Summary: ALL HUMAN! Rose is a victim and only known survivor of a serial kidnapper. While the police struggle to catch her captor, Rose knows he won't stop until he finds her again, forcing her to hire lethal bodyguard, Dimitri Belikov. Will he be able to save her?
1. Chapter 1: Save Me

**Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to Richelle Mead.**

**The original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story are owned by Ms. Belikov. Please do not copy, reproduce, or translate without express written permission.**

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><p><strong>RPOV:<strong>

I don't remember much of that day, and in a way, I'm glad because I wasn't sure if I could handle it.

It was a warm fall evening, I remember that much because I can still feel the way the wind blew on my skin and the sound of multicolored leaves crunching under my feet. And I was jogging. No, I was sprinting. Yeah, definitely sprinting. Exercise, it was something I did every night at around five. And I had to be outdoors. I absolutely hated being trapped in some gym with a whole bunch of other sweaty people. I had to be free.

I remember running when out of nowhere, I was hit over the head and knocked to the cold, hard ground. The pain in my head was excruciating, like someone had planted dynamite in my skull and were setting them off one by one.

Some sort of cloth was pressed over my mouth, something that smelled sweet, something that took all the pain away and made the world go black. And for that, I was grateful because I knew something terrible was going to happen, something that would forever change me.

"Rose? Rose?" That deep, Turkish accented voice brought me out of my memories.

I dragged my sunglasses off my face, placed them at the top of my head. "Hey daddy," I squinted at the bright light.

Abe took a seat beside me. "Whatcha' doing, Kiz?" He took off his coat. "Excuse my language, but damn, it is hotter than Tabasco sauce and jalapeños out here."

I forced a smile, something that drained all of the energy out of me. "It's summertime daddy, of course it's going to be hot. And I'm just catching some color." I sprayed some more tanning oil on my stomach and legs. Sunbathing was something I did before the whole ordeal happened. I only wanted to feel normal again. "Is everything okay?" I asked.

"Listen here Kiz," Abe put his hands together, clearing his throat harshly. "Since everything happened with the kidnapping and all," I cringed. "Things haven't been running very smoothly with your mother and I. It's just been very, uh, difficult. But, uh, I don't want you to think this is your fault—"

The pit of my stomach dropped in dread. "Dad," I said behind gritted teeth. "Don't treat me like a child, I'm twenty-two. I can handle this."

My father reached for my hand and straightened out my fingers, which had been clenched in fists so tightly that my nails bit into my palm, forming little red crescent moons. I didn't like the way my sweat seeped into my wounds, stinging.

Abe cursed in Turkish. "Your mother and I are getting a divorce."

I felt sicker than I had when my captor stripped me naked and forced me to kneel in uncooked rice for hours, all the while he stood there, watching me, pleasuring himself.

Somehow, I managed to find my voice. "A divorce? Why? I thought you guys were happy, that you were in love."

"I was never in love with Janine," Immediately, Abe looked like he regretted what he'd said.

I tried to fight the tears, but it was like lifting a car off the ground with bare hands—impossible.

"Oh, Kiz," Abe reached over and wiped a tear from my cheek. "I did not want to cause you more pain and heartache than you have already been through these past few months. I'm so sorry—"

I shook my head and pulled back abruptly, not wanting his fingers on me. Physical contact with anyone made me nauseous. "No. Please keep going. I need to know."

"Your mother and I met when I was twenty-seven, right after I started my business. She was my age. Educated. Single. Beautiful. But most importantly, educated. She was the ideal woman. And my parents loved her." Abe paused, looking regretful. "So I asked her to marry me because I knew it would make my father happy, that it would make him shut up for once. I was so sick of hearing him tell me that I needed to find a nice lady and settled down."

I nodded, reminding him that I was listening.

"Well things went okay at first. I bought us a house on a ranch. Janine gave birth to you and that was the best day of my life," Daddy smiled. "Although I loved your mother dearly—still do—I was never in love with her. It was kind of like an arranged marriage, you know, just two strangers living together, playing that perfect all American family."

Abe's rugged yet handsome face went poignant. "Well, that's how it's always been. Normal. Calm. No conflicts. But recently, since…well, you know…everything has gone down hill. All we do is fight and scream at each other. I thought this could work, Kiz, I honestly did, but it can't anymore. Your mother's not happy. I'm not happy. It's not a healthy relationship anymore. It's not working."

My mother and my fathers "perfect" marriage was the only stable thing in my life. And now that was ruined, just like everything else was.

"I'm so sorry, Kiz…"

"It's okay, daddy, really. I forgive you." In spite of my fear of touching people or being touched, I put my hand over his, trying to give him what little comfort I could. "I just want you guys to be happy, and if this is the way, so be it. The two of you deserve it, you've raised me so well and you've been great parents."

"So, uh, you…you don't hate me?" Abe asked.

I shook my head and placed my hand back on my thigh, instantly feeling more relaxed. "I'm sad about it, sure. But it's not your fault, daddy. Sometimes things just happen, you know, get in the way. Real life problems are a bitch."

My father shot me a playful glare. "Kiz, watch that tongue before I wash your mouth out with soap."

"Bitch is a dog." I said innocently.

He rolled his eyes. "You are a handful sometimes, Rose, you really are. But I love you and I wouldn't change you for all the money in the world." Abe stood up and gave me a kiss on the forehead.

I tried to keep my breathing normal, but my heartbeat started hammering in my chest. I tried to keep the panic attack away by reminding myself that he was my father, that he would never harm me, that he would kill anyone that did. But it didn't work. Too much contact always triggered my panic attacks. I'd had one the other day when my nine-year old cousin Bethany ran up and hugged me. It was all part of my post traumatic stress disorder.

A wave of doom came over me, and it was like everything around me went grey. The buzzing in my ears brought me to my knees, and the oxygen escaped my body, like someone had used my chest as a trampoline. I was being squeezed in this little box, trapped. Everything was getting tighter and tighter. It felt like death.

"ROSE! ROSE!" My body started violently shaking. "Take this baby. Take this! It's going to be okay."

A brown paper bag was shoved in front of my face. I grabbed it, brought it to my mouth, and started desperately inhaling.

Moments later, I collapsed against the ground, utterly exhausted. The panic attack was gone, my breathing and heart rate had returned to normal, and that was such a huge relief.

"Oh, dear god. Thank god you are okay, Kiz." Abe said.

"I love you dad, but please, don't come anywhere near me right now. I need a minute."

Hurt flashed across my father's face, but understanding was quick on its heels.

Abe grabbed a chair, took about fifteen steps back, and sat down. "Damn it, Rose. You scared me. But I am so glad you are alright. You had one of those panic things, didn't you?"

My chest constricted and my throat closed a little. "Yes, I did. And please don't say that word again. I'll have another attack."

I stood up and jumped in the pool to cool off. It helped to further release the tension from my body. When I emerged from the water, my father was standing up, looking down on me.

"That's it," he said. "I'm hiring you a bodyguard."

I practically choked on my own saliva. "What?"

"A bodyguard. Someone who will protect you when I'm not there to watch over you. Kiz, what just happened right now," Abe shook his head. "You need someone there at all times. Plus, weren't you saying that you were afraid of someone following you?"

I nodded slowly. "Well, yeah, but it was just a suspicion. But yeah, I think _he_ may be following me." I shuddered as that colorful masquerade mask popped into my brain. It was purple and lime-green, with gold jewels and feathers. What terrified me most was the fact that I never saw his face. My captor could be anyone. And that's why I was constantly looking over my shoulder. I couldn't even sleep without the lights on anymore.

"Well that's all the motivation I need," Abe clapped his hands. He had that tone of voice that meant business, leaving no room for argument. Once my father set his mind to something, he got it done. No questions about it.

"But daddy, I'm fine. I've got pepper spray—"

"Did that save you the first time?" He crossed his arms, challenging me to fight him.

"Well, no, but—"

"Exactly. So it's a done deal. I'll call my men and give them the confirmation. Say Kiz, how many guards do you want? Five, six, seven? Yeah, seven sounds good."

I gasped. "Daddy, no! Please, oh god, no."

"Right," My father shook his head. "Seven is not enough. It should be at least ten."

"One! Only one!" I growled. "I swear to god, if you get anymore than that I will pack my bags, move far away, and never talk to you again."

Abe gritted his teeth. "Three."

"One."

"Four."

"None."

"Fine, two."

"Fine, two." I said. "You're such a hothead!"

He grinned victoriously. "I love you, Kiz."

"Asshole." I muttered, but I was smiling. I climbed out of the pool and wrapped a towel around my body. "I guess…I guess I kind of love you, too."

"You have to, I am your father." He said. "Now, are you going to have dinner with your mother and I?"

My good mood dropped down a few notches. "You guys are getting a divorce. Why would we still have dinner together?"

"Because we are a family, Rose, and we will still act like one." Abe opened the door for me. Inside, the air was cool and smelled like Pine Sol and Comet. "So, are you still going to have dinner or not?"

"Are you still hiring bodyguards for me?"

"Absolutely. They'll be here tomorrow. I just gotta make some calls."

"Then no."

Abe pushed out his bottom lip, giving me puppy dog eyes. "Please, Kiz."

"It's not going to work dad….not this time."

His lips started quivering, tears glossed his brown eyes.

"Oh, you are such a manipulator!" I socked his arm. "Fine, fine! I'll stay. But I'm going straight home after that. No dessert or movies."

Abe's face went normal again, proving that he was a wonderful actor. "My daughter? Missing dessert? Yeah, I'd pay a million dollars to see that."

"Fine, maybe, just maybe I can stay for dessert. No promises though…"

* * *

><p>Turns out, I stayed for desert and then some.<p>

"You've cleared the whole pie dish, Rose." Janine laughed as she cleared the dinner table.

I leaned back in my chair, hearing the oak squeak in protest. "You make great banana cream pie, what can I say?"

"Thank you very much, Janine." Lissa chimed in.

"Yeah, thanks. I love your pie, Mrs. Mazur." Christian said, earning a dirty look from my dad. I smiled inwardly. They may be getting a divorce, and they may not be in love, but I could tell from my father's protective nature that he still cared for her deeply, that he still loved her. And that fact gave me just a tiny bit of hope.

"You are very welcome." Janine smiled. She took the dishes to the sink and started rinsing.

"Do you need any help mom?"

"No, honey. I'm fine. You just relax."

"Actually," I brushed the crumbs off my pants and stood up. "I have to get going. I've got work in the morning."

Lissa stood up as Christian yawned, patting his full belly. "Yeah, we better get going too…"

Abe's face grew serious. "I want you here at five o clock tomorrow. Do you hear me, Kiz? Five o clock."

I did a little dance. "I'll be here with bells on," I said in an overly cheerful voice.

"I'm being serious, Rose. You have to meet the guards, they will escort you home."

"Fine. Just know that I am not happy about this and I will most likely make their lives a living hell," My shoulders slumped and I dragged my feet across the floor to add dramatic affect. "I don't like them already. I'm going to be the biggest B-I-T-C-H."

"Whatever you must do, Kiz," Abe sipped on his black coffee. "So long as you are protected and safe, I am happy."

Janine dried her hands off with a paper towel, walked over, and placed her hand on my fathers shoulder. "We will both be happy."

Abe smiled up at her, and I was pleased to see that it was a genuine one.

"Are they hot?" Lissa blurted out. Everyone turned to look at her, well, Christian glared. "I mean, not that it matters," she added hastily, nervously tucking platinum blonde hair behind her left ear. "It's just that I was wondering, ah, never mind…just; just…let's forget that this ever happened." She started backing towards the front door.

"Well," I took a deep breath and faced my parents. "Thank you for dinner. I love you. And I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Damn right you will."

"Ibrahim!" My mother chastised.

He covered his laugh by coughing. "Sorry, my love." His eyes flickered to me. "We love you too, Kiz. See you tomorrow."

"Bye!" I waved.

Outside, I searched for my keys in my over-sized purse.

"Damn, your mom makes a killer stew, Rose." Christian rubbed his belly appreciatively. "I wish my mom could cook like that. Of course, she'd have to be alive to do that, but you get the point."

Lissa wrapped her arm around his waist, looking solemn. Her boyfriend shrugged, seeming to snap out of his reverie. "Anyways…"

I cleared my throat, trying to ease the awkward tension. "Those cheddar baked biscuits weren't too bad either, huh?"

"Absolutely delicious." Lissa said. Christian nodded in agreement.

I found the keys to my blue Toyota Corolla and unlocked the door.

On the way home, Christian had fallen asleep, Lissa climbed up and hopped into the passenger seat.

I laughed. "Props, my lady. I've never seen a girl in a dress and six-inch high heels do that. You've got talent."

"Thanks," Lissa said. "So, uh, how do you feel about this whole bodyguard thing? Are you scared?"

"Not scared, just pissed."

"Why? You're going to be guarded twenty-four seven."

I shrugged. "It just feels unnatural. I didn't have bodyguards before this whole thing happened. I guess, to me, it's like a constant reminder. God might as well have a neon sign flashing in my face, reading: Everything's not the way it used to be! You're not normal! And you know, that captor that held you for six months, he's still after you. Don't forget to be scared of your own shadow!" I fist pumped in fake enthusiasm.

"True," Lissa nodded as I made a sharp right turn. "Or you can look at the bright side. These bodyguards may be hot."

"Or they can be old and total assholes."

"Or…they can be really hot. Like drop-your-panties-on-the-spot-hot."

From the rearview mirror, I saw ice-blue eyes snap open. "Hey! Don't talk about me like that when I'm sleeping….I feel violated."

Lissa and I laughed. "Believe me, we ain't talking about you." I muttered.

Christian narrowed his eyes. "I am drop-your-panties-on-the-spot-hot."

I pulled the car into our apartment building. "Hey Jimmy!" I waved. He returned the gesture, smiled, and opened the gates. I felt a little more secure once they closed behind us.

When I whipped into a parking spot, Lissa ushered Christian inside, telling him that us girls needed a moment alone to talk. He complied, walking away, grumbling under his breath.

"Are you okay, Rose?"

"I'm fine."

Jade-green eyes narrowed. "Tell me the truth. I don't like to be lied to. How are you feeling, Rose? Right in this moment, how are you feeling?"

I sighed tiredly and closed my eyes. "Afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"Everything. Yeah, that pretty much covers it."

A pale, elegant, slender hand grabbed mine. Surprisingly, I wasn't frightened by the skin-to-skin contact…it was almost comforting. Almost. "I want you to know that I'm here for you, Rose. Anything you need. I live only four doors down from you. We can talk, I don't care if it's three o clock in the morning or three o clock in the afternoon, I don't care if Christian and I are in the middle of getting it on, if you feel like you need me, you come pounding on that door and I'll be there for you."

I laughed and smiled. "Thank you, Lissa. That makes me feel a lot better. I am so goddamn lucky to have a best friend like you."

"You can say that again," She winked.

"Pig."

"What'd you say?"

"Nothing."

Lissa rolled her eyes as she walked me to my apartment door. "See you tomorrow?" she asked.

"For sure. Give me some knuckles." The two of us bumped fists.

"Love you." She called out from her and Christian's apartment.

"Love you too, night. And Lissa…"

She paused as she opened the door, "Yeah?"

"Thanks."

Lissa smiled, a brilliant white light in the dark. "You are welcome, my lady." She bowed and disappeared inside.

Inside, I locked all of the doors and windows and made sure to check every inch of my house thoroughly. Once I was sure I was safe, I hopped into a steaming shower and scrubbed my skin raw with hot, scolding water. It was a ritual, the only way I didn't feel dirty after what my captor had done to me. I closed my eyes and shook my head, banishing the memories.

I lay in bed that night, with the covers hiked up to my neck. I jumped when I heard a tap at the window, but then I realized it was just a tree branch being blown around by the howling wind.

As much as I dreaded it, I knew sleep was inevitable; it wasn't like I could stay awake for the rest of my life. Eventually, the night terrors consumed me….

"_Please! Stop!" I pulled on the restraints. It was no use. The chains were stainless steel and unless I morphed into Superman, I was staying right where I was. There was no getting away. I was trapped. "What do you want from me?"_

_The man came to a stop just a few feet away from me, wearing all black from his neck to his toes. The mask on his face was brilliant, with purple and lime-green paints, gold jewels, feathers, and glitter. He wore dark glasses, keeping me from seeing his eyes._

_When he spoke, I nearly jumped out of my skin. It was so deep and distorted from a small microphone machine that was attached to his earpiece and extended all the way to his mouth. "You are mine."_

"_What the hell do you want from me?" I screamed._

"_So brave," he mocked. "I know that you are afraid, female. I can smell your fear." _

_I gathered saliva in my mouth and spit, aiming for his face. It landed on his mask._

_A hand clapped against my cheek, so hard that it sent my head flying backwards, black spots clouded my vision. _

_Still, I fought. I wasn't going to give up without a fight. "You're a sick son of a bitch! Go to hell!"_

_The man slapped me again. I spit blood on the ground. "Do whatever the fuck you want with me," I grinned behind my searing pain. "I don't care. I won't feel it. Do it! Don't be a fucking coward!"_

"_I am going to teach you a lesson, female." The man unbuckled his belt, hiked his pants down to his ankles, exposing himself. _

_I whimpered, clamping my eyes shut. _

_The man grabbed my hair and yanked my head back. I screamed in pain._

"_Please…stop…don't." I begged._

"_Oh, you don't want me now, female?" That distorted voice shouted. "Too bad. Because I want you so badly." He rubbed his erection against my leg, and that's when I realized that I was naked. Naked and chained up._

"_Please! Stop!" I cried._

I woke up screaming, panting, and drenched in my own sweat. With shaking hands, I fumbled for the lamp and turned on the light.

"It was just a nightmare. It was just a nightmare." I chanted over and over again. The blaring red numbers on the alarm clock read _3:48AM._

I climbed out of bed and stumbled over to the sink. A big glass of water helped me calm down further.

When I lay in bed again, I kept the lights on and grabbed a magazine. There was no use in trying to go back to sleep. It was impossible.

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><p>Abe opened the door and frowned. "Damn, Kiz. You look like hell froze over."<p>

"Nice to see you too, daddy." I pulled off my sunglasses and stepped into the air conditioning.

"You didn't get any sleep last night, did you?"

I shrugged. "Few hours. I'm fine. Let's get this over with."

A man stepped out of nowhere, wearing dark jeans and a leather jacket. He was handsome, with messy bronzed hair and emerald-green eyes. "Hello," His carefree smirk made my heart skip a beat. "My name is Adrian Ivashkov. It is a pleasure to be guarding such a beautiful lady like yourself." He stuck out his hand.

Reluctantly, I grabbed it and shook it quickly. "Rose. The name is Rose."

"It is nice to meet you, Rose."

"This is one of your bodyguards, Kiz." Abe informed.

Adrian smiled again. "I am second in command. My boss is in the other room; he is the one that is going to be guarding you twenty-four hours a day, would you like to meet him?"

I shrugged as we made our way to the living room. "I guess I have no choice."

The man in the living room made me stop dead in my tracks. "My god," I gaped. He was beautiful. So incredibly beautiful. Unlike Adrian, he looked more professional and badass in what he was wearing—a black turtle neck and black jeans. His hair was dark brown and tied at the nape of his neck. And he was tall; really tall...I placed him at six-foot-six or six-foot-seven. The raw male power coming from him was a huge turn on.

That's when his eyes flickered to mine. They were extraordinarily dark and intense and…intimidating. I loved the way they flickered up and down my body quickly before meeting my eyes again.

"Hello," Dear god…he had a Russian accent. "My name is Dimitri Belikov."


	2. Chapter 2: Rescue Me

**A/N: **Thank you all so much! You guys are GREAT!**  
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**Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to Richelle Mead.**

**The original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story are owned by Ms. Belikov. Please do not copy, reproduce, or translate without express written permission.**

* * *

><p>"Hi, uh…hi." I stuttered as I took in his godly looks. "My…my name is, uh,…my name is Rose. Rose Hathaway. I'm the one you'll be guarding. My dad…he got you for me."<p>

When he smiled in amusement, the heat rose to my cheeks. Yep, I had just made a major fool of myself.

"Yes, I know who you are." Dimitri stuck out his hand. Unable to help myself, I glanced down. His hand was large with long graceful fingers, and his knuckles were permanently swollen, like he'd broken them a lot in his lifetime.

For some reason, I wasn't afraid to touch him. That horrible and dreadful feeling didn't overcome me like it did with anyone else I got close to. I actually wanted to…touch him. The thought excited me.

So I did.

His shake was firm and powerful, radiating with a confidence I wish I had. The skin on his palms was scratchy and rough, yet warm at the same time. I loved how small my hand was in his as he closed his fingers around me, it made me feel safe and protected, like he wouldn't let danger come anywhere near me, like he would destroy anything that tried to harm me.

I decided in that moment that I liked him. That I liked him a lot. It felt kind of nice to touch him…

"It's nice to meet you, Rose." Oh god, the way Dimitri rolled his R's…like he was purring. My body flushed with heat, my heartbeat hammered in my chest, and not in that god awful, panic attack way.

This was a normal girl-meet's-boy-who-she-really-likes reaction.

"You too." I managed to find my voice. It was time to pull it together. "So you're my bodyguard?"

"Don't forget about me, Ma'am." Adrian smirked as he took a spot beside Dimitri.

"I am your main guard, Rose." Dimitri was all business now. That smile that had taken my breath away earlier was gone. "I have already talked with your father, Abe, and he has told me what his wishes are."

"And what's that?" I shot my father a warning stare.

"He wants you to be guarded twenty-four-seven."

"Yeah, I know. He already told me that."

"That means we go wherever you go," Dimitri continued. God, I loved watching the way his full lips moved as he talked. I bet they were soft and sweet and felt good all over my body…

_Focus Rose_, I scolded myself.

"That's okay with me." I shrugged.

"And he also wishes that you would allow me to live with you."

My eyes wanted to jump out of my skull. "Live with me? Why is that necessary?"

"So I can protect you at all times."

"It's one of his policies, Kiz." Abe chimed in.

"But, but, but…my place isn't big enough for the two of us." I said. "And frankly Dimitri, you take up a lot of space. You won't fit in my one bedroom apartment."

"You'd be surprised what he could fit into," Adrian winked. "This one time after he led our group of soldiers across the Sahara desert—"

"The Sahara desert is humungous." I cut in. "It's not surprising that there would be enough room for him. I'm talking about a one bedroom apartment. _A one bedroom apartment_, with one small kitchen, a bathroom the size of a cardboard box, and a closet that's stuff full of my clothes."

"You didn't allow me to finish, Ma'am." Adrian smiled tightly. "In the Sahara, at night, the temperatures drop to below freezing. So to keep from getting hypothermia, Captain Dimitri over here ordered me and my fellow soldiers to pitch tents. Turns out, there was hardly enough. And Dimitri had to squeeze into a two-person tent with myself and three other full grown men. Needless to say, it was a tight space. Dimitri woke up with awful neck and back pains after being twisted into a pretzel all night."

"You talk a lot, you know that?"

"Yes, Ma'am. Damn proud of it, too. I like the sound of my voice."

"Well, I don't. So can you shut the yap?"

"_Kiz_."

"Sorry, dad. But doesn't this guy just make you wanna shove screwdrivers into your ears? God, I don't know how I'm going to live with him."

"Not me," Adrian smiled, unaffected by all the insults I was shooting his way. "I'm only your day guard. I work eight hours and go home to my faithful lady, Ms. Grey Goose every night." He chuckled, and then inclined his head towards Dimitri. "Boss is going to be the one you have to deal with twenty-four-seven. Try not to rip your hair out."

"That's fine with me…" Oh, yeah. That was _definitely_ okay with me. There was something about Dimitri that made me want to be around him. The thought of him leaving saddened me. Which was really frickin' weird and completely unlike me.

Abe was staring at Dimitri and Adrian, and I could tell by the gleam in his eyes that he liked them, respected them, trusted them, had confidence in them…

_Cha ching. _The Russian God was coming home with me. Internally, I did a victory dance. And then the naughty thoughts came. Images of him in the shower, naked in my bed, on top of me, me on top of him, all popped and flashed through my brain.

"Rose? Ms. Hathaway? Are you all right?" Dimitri was standing before me.

"What?"

"I asked you if we could talk privately for a moment."

"Oh," The heat danced along my cheeks again. Great, I'd spaced out…now the Russian God defiantly thought I was a freak. No doubt. "Yeah, I guess that'd be okay. Let's go into the dining room."

A moment later, the two of us were seated at the table in which my family ate at every night, while Adrian and my father were cracking up a conversation in the living room, laughter and booming voices filled the house. I guess they liked each other.

"I'd like to ask you a couple of questions. Just to learn a little more about you. That way I can do my job better and ensure your safety." Dimitri said.

"Shoot."

"Well, I have already looked over your file and all your background information. You don't have much of a criminal history. You graduated from high-school but haven't attended college. You work at a restaurant in down town. And you have few friends, all of which I have checked their backgrounds as well and found nothing alarming—"

"How do you know so much about me?" I narrowed my eyes, feeling exposed and vulnerable.

"Like I said earlier, I researched your file and found out as much I could about you. It's all part of my job, Ms. Hathaway." Dimitri said. "I don't get myself in situations where I'm not prepared. Nothing surprises me these days."

"You know, I liked you earlier before you opened your mouth. Now I'm not so sure."

"That so."

"It wasn't my idea to have a bodyguard, you know. My father insisted that I have protection. I didn't want someone following me around like a lost puppy."

"Oh, really." His tone was bored, faintly mocking.

I glared at him. "You could at least pretend to be interested in what I'm saying."

"I'm not here to charm you. I'm here to do my job."

I crossed my arms as my glare got harder, if that was even possible. God, this arrogant bastard annoyed the hell out of me, but still, all I could think about was grabbing his face and kissing him until I couldn't breathe.

What the hell was wrong with me?

Dimitri eased back into his chair, mimicking my stance. He was all male and bulging muscles. "So tell me something I don't know about you."

I searched my brain for answers. "I hate reading books and cats have a very intense fear of me for no apparent reason. Did you know that?"

To my utter shock, one of his dark brows raised in amusement. "No, I did not."

Internally, I did a fist pump. See! Mr. Russian Smarty Pants didn't know everything! "So, uh…tell me something about you." I said nonchalantly, pretending to be uninterested.

"This isn't about me. It's about you. Now, let's stay focused." Dimitri wrote something down on a small pad of paper. I couldn't help but notice how graceful his writing was…

"Whatever. It's your world. I just live in it." Sarcasm was my best friend at times like these.

"How many lovers have you had in the past year?"

I was so thrown off by that question; it felt like my jaw was going to hit the floor. "_Excuse me?_ What did you say? That is none of your damn business."

"Have you ever heard of a crime of passion?" Dimitri said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Don't talk to me like I'm stupid," I planted both of my palms on the table, unthinkingly getting closer to his face, brushing our knees together. "And, yeah. I know what a crime of passion is."

"Good, then I won't have to explain it to you. And now you know why it is important for me to know the answer of that question. So please, if you are ready…" Dimitri held a pen to his pad, poised to write.

My blush came back with vengeance. "Uh, well, uh…no. I haven't had a boyfriend in the past year. I'm a virgin."

Dimitri's head snapped up. I sucked in a breath, horrified with myself.

If he was shocked by what I'd just confessed, he didn't show it. He was as calm and collected as ever, almost like he was talking about the weather or Sunday paper. "Okay. Well, that narrows the suspects down tremendously, though I will still be cautious about it. I don't take chances and I've never lost a client."

Mockingly and dramatically, I wiped my forehead with the back of my hand. "_Whew_. What a relief!"

"So you claim that the man who kidnapped you—" I winced. "is still following you, true?"

"Yes," I said. "I get these weird sensations and my gut twists in fear, like someone is watching me. I hate it."

"Your instincts are probably right. I have no doubt that this man is following you." Dimitri said.

I wrapped my arms around myself as that awful breathing thing came back.

"Listen to me, Rose. Look at me."

I met his brown eyes and was shocked when his hand touched my leg.

"You have nothing to be afraid about, okay? I will do everything in my power to keep you safe. I will protect you at all costs."

Surprisingly, I smiled, feeling more at ease than I had in months. "Okay. I believe you." I nodded my head.

Abruptly, he stood up and slipped that pad of paper in his back pocket. "All right. That is all I need to know. For now."

That cold feeling returned to my body, that empty feeling, and I hated it. I wanted to touch Dimitri again…I wanted him to touch me.

Yep, I was definitely loosing it. Gone off into the deep end. Certified crazy. Looney. Nuts. All of those combined in one human body. _My_ body.

Together we walked out into the living room, where my dad was talking animatedly with Adrian about one of his fly fishing trips.

"Blah. Dad, come on. You're gonna bore him to death."

"Actually," Adrian laughed and smiled. "I was enjoying listening to him. I love fishing. We'll have to go some time. Just me and you, pops."

Pops? As in Papa? He actually gave my dad a nickname. I couldn't believe my ears.

"Oh for sure, son. Anytime. Anytime." Abe patted his back and shook his hand at the same time. "That'd be great."

I grabbed my keys, purse, sunglasses, and walked over to the front door. "So when do you guys start, you know, guarding me?"

Dimitri glanced down at his watch. "Starting forty-five minutes ago, when you first walked in and I laid eyes on you."

Abe clapped his hands once. "Wonderful! God, I just love you boys. I know you're going to take great care of my daughter."

"With my life," Dimitri said at the same time Adrian said, "Of course."

I smiled. No matter how much I didn't like the idea of two men following me around all day, I was in good hands. They would protect me until the end and that had me in complete awe.

"Well, come on boys. Let's go." I opened the door to sunshine and warmth. "I have to pick up the bestie and go shopping for dinner."

The two men waited outside while I said goodbye to Abe.

"Thanks, dad. For everything." I hugged and kissed him on the cheek quickly, feeling like snakes were crawling all over my skin. God, I couldn't describe how much I hated physical contact.

"Do you feel comfortable with them, Kiz?" he asked. "Listen, I know I've been kind of controlling and overprotective…but you know that I only do it for your safety and not to be annoying. I, uh, just can't stand the thought of you being out there alone. No matter what you say, you're still a young woman and you need help—"

"Dad," I said firmly. "Just stop. You do what you do and that's what makes you _you._ And I love that. You're a great dad. Gee, I really don't know what I'm doing here. I'm not all that good with emotional stuff and love. But um, yeah. Thanks. I feel better now with them watching over me."

"Really?" he beamed, smiling brightly.

"Yes, dad. But…" I glanced at the clock behind his head that was hanging on the wall. "I really gotta go. Lissa's waiting for me."

"Okay,"

"See you later, dad!"

"Bye, Kiz!"

Outside, there was a black SUV with blacked-out windows in the driveway. The engine was running with Adrian behind the wheel. He waved and winked when I made eye contact with him.

Keep the vomit down, I thought. Sure he was good looking—really good looking—but something about him was repulsive.

"So, are you guys following me to pick up—"

"Adrian is. I'm coming with you." Dimitri said. I noticed a long brown coat draped over his arm, like a duster or something. It was straight out of a cowboy movie.

"In my car?"

"In your car." he confirmed.

"Whatever," I shrugged and slid into my red Honda Civic. It wasn't anything special, but it was sturdy and reliable. Worked for me.

Dimitri got into the passenger seat and I had to laugh. His long legs were all awkward and smashed up against the dashboard.

"The adjuster is on the right side."

"Thanks," He pulled it and the seat slid all the way back. His large body still didn't fit properly but at least he looked comfortable now.

"Better?" I smiled.

"Yes."

I stuck the key into the ignition, started the car, and pulled out of the driveway. We were on the road, with Adrian behind us in the black SUV, when Dimitri suddenly ripped the mardi gra beads and colorful lei's that were hanging from my rearview mirror down.

"Hey! What the hell?"

"It's distracting and you're not driving with them." he said. "I cannot keep an eye out if these damn flowers keep smacking me in the face."

"I'd like to smack you right now." I muttered.

"What?"

"I don't like you." Growling, I pulled my Honda into the apartment complex where me, Lissa, and Christian all lived in.

"Does it look like I care?"

"No."

"I don't. You're just a job to me. A pay day. That's all."

"Now I really don't like you, fucker."

"Don't. That makes it easier on both of us if we keep our relationship professional."

"Who said I wanted to make it more?" I honked on the horn. Lissa peaked in the window and put up her forefinger, signaling for me to give her another moment. I nodded and she disappeared.

"I see the way you look at me. You are attracted to me. Very attracted."

My head swirled around; I stared at him in shock. "I am _not!_"

To my absolute fury, his mouth twisted into a big amused grinned. "No offense, Ms. Hathaway, but you're incredibly easy to read. You're an open book to me."

"And you're just an arrogant son of a bitch, you know that? Get off your high horse and come join us regular people on the ground. And it's Rose to you, buddy. _Rose_."

"As you wish, Rose." He was mocking me. I knew it. He knew it. Hell, the Honda knew it and the thing didn't have a brain.

As Lissa walked out wearing a brilliant yellow summer dress that made her pale skin radiate, Dimitri stepped out of the passenger door and got into the back seat.

I glared at him in the rearview mirror. "Well aren't you a gentleman."

"Thank you."

"It wasn't a compliment."

"Anything that is even remotely nice that comes out of your lips is a compliment to me, Ms. Hathaway."

I was about to correct him on the whole name thing when Lissa hopped into the passenger seat. "Hi, Rose!" Those jade-green eyes widened as she looked at Dimitri. Yeah, the guy was really goddamn hot. So what?

"Oh…hi." she said.

Don't be jealous of your best friend, I chanted in my head over and over again, she's got a boyfriend, there's no reason to be.

"Hey, Liss. This is Dimitri. One of the bodyguards."

She smiled and shook his hand. "It's nice to meet you."

"Likewise, Lissa."

Fifteen minutes later, I pulled into a parking space at the supermarket and grabbed a cart. While Adrian and Dimitri were busy checking the perimeter for danger, Lissa ran up to me and linked her arm through mine.

"Ohmigod, they're hot!"

"Whoa. Relax there, girl. You've got a man."

"That doesn't mean I can't fantasize about them," She said as her eyes traveled up and down both of their bodies, a little too long on Dimitri's for my liking. I didn't give a crap about Adrian. She could have sex with him right in the store in front of all these people for all I cared.

Dimitri was the one I wanted. The one I had to have.

"You're undressing them with your eyes, aren't you?" I rolled my eyes as I pushed the cart through the dairy aisle and grabbed a block of parmesan cheese.

"Oh, _yeahhhh_."

A giggle escaped my mouth. "You sound like the Kool Aid man, and frankly, your perverseness is frightening me."

"Sorry." Her jade-green eyes snapped away, she gnawed on her bottom lip. "Oh, granola bars. Gotta get some of those! Christian goes through these like you go through chocolate glazed donuts." She quickly ran over, grabbed two boxes, and tossed them into the cart.

I was _very_ aware of Dimitri's presence. Although he was about twenty feet behind me, pretending to be a normal shopper deciding which bottle of wine to choose, I could feel his eyes on me, watching my every move. It made me feel good, safe, protected, comfortable…free. And those weren't things I had felt in months. Not since that man had kidnapped and tortured me.

After Lissa and I were done shopping, I dropped her off at her apartment and went to go inside mine—

"Wait," Dimitri hissed, grabbing my arm and jerking me behind him. He leaned down and whispered in my ear, "We go in first. You stay here. Understand?"

Unable to find my voice, I bobbed my head up and down like an idiot.

As I went to stand by the wall with grocery bags in my arms, Dimitri and Adrian headed for my front door. Their movements were silent and lethal and cautious as they opened my door and went inside. The gasp got caught in my throat when they pulled out guns that were in holsters under their coats.

Five minutes later, Dimitri emerged and told me it was safe to go inside.

"Gee, thanks."

"Well, Boss…I'm heading home for tonight. See you in the morning, Rose." Adrian gave Dimitri a pat on the back, smiled at me, waved as he got into the SUV, and disappeared.

"I'm starved. Let's eat."

Well, I tried to make dinner but failed miserably. After torching three boxes of spaghetti, and nearly burning the whole damn apartment down when I accidentally left a rag over the stove and it caught in flames, I gave up on cooking.

Thank god Dimitri was a fast reactor. He had run over and stomped on the rag, got the fire extinguisher from under the sink, and covered the whole kitchen in white.

I was mad when I realized he'd ruined the garlic bread and I couldn't eat it, but he quickly ordered Chinese take out…I forgave him.

"Thanks," I said as we cleaned up the kitchen after stuffing our stomachs full.

Dimitri pulled out a new roll of paper towels and started wiping up what the fire extinguisher left behind. "You're welcome, Rose." I was pleased to hear the sincerity in his deep voice.

"So, uh, I guess it's time for bed."

He glanced at the watch on his left wrist. "It'd be good for you to get some rest. I can tell that you are sleep deprived."

More like Dimitri deprived, I thought. God, what was wrong with me? I'd only met this guy today! "Are you going to bed?"

He smiled, a little. "Don't worry about me. I'll take care of myself."

"Where are you going to sleep?"

"On the couch."

"But that's uncomfortable."

"I'll be fine."

"Whatever you say," I laid in bed. "Goodnight, Dimitri."

"Night." He shut the door to my bedroom.

Turning off the light, I prayed that I would have a dreamless sleep.

Of course, I never get my wish…

_I screamed and thrashed until my lungs felt like they were full of push pins and my wrists and ankles were bleeding where the chains were._

_God, if there was a hell; this was it. No. This was worst than hell. This was something straight out of a horror movie. This was your worst nightmare. _

_The locks hissed and growled as they were opened and the man with the colorful mask came in, his voice was distorted by that little device as he spoke, "I brought you food."_

"_Fuck you."_

"_Pizza and fudge covered brownie. Your favorite. I hope you like it." The man picked up the slice of pizza, balanced the triangle in his hand, and held it to my mouth. "Take a bite. Eat. You need it." _

_I spit in his face._

Wham.

_Black spots danced before my vision as I choked out blood. _

"_Now, let's try that again." He said, bringing the brownie to my mouth._

_I took a bite._

_He petted my hair. "Good girl—"_

_I spit the chunks at him. "I hate you, you sick bastard! Go to hell!"_

_The man with the mask screamed out curse after curse, his distorted voice rising to hysteria. "You need to learn a lesson!" He grabbed a needle and thread from the shelf and came towards me._

"_What are you doing?" I squeaked. _

"_Closing your mouth. Permanently. I'm so sorry that I have to do this, but it's for your own good. I love you..."_

_I screamed in agony as the needle and thread drove into my lips over and over again. _

"Rose! Rose! _Rose! ROSE!_"

"Get away from me! Please! Somebody help!" I punched, kicked, bit, scratched, and fought with everything in me. "Leave me alone! Get away from me!"

"It's me, Dimitri. I won't hurt you, Rose. I'm here to protect you. Stop fighting me!" My arms were pinned over my head as a heavy weight pressed down on my body, immobilizing me. "Listen to my voice, baby. Concentrate on it. I promise I won't hurt you…"

"Dimitri?" I opened my eyes to find the most beautiful, frantic brown eyes. "Dimitri is that you?"

"It's me, baby. I'm here. It's okay. Shhhh. It was just a nightmare."

"Oh, god." I sobbed and threw my arms around his neck, pulling him harder against me. "Thank you for being here!" I cried. "Thank you so much!"

For the first time in almost a year, I let someone hold me and took comfort in it.

"I'm here, Roza." Dimitri whispered. "It's going to be okay."


	3. Chapter 3: Fix Me

**Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to Richelle Mead.**

**The original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story are owned by Ms. Belikov. Please do not copy, reproduce, or translate without express written permission.**

* * *

><p><strong>RPOV: <strong>

I was horrified with myself as I realized that I'd cried in front of a man I'd just met merely hours ago. Not just cried, but completely broke down. Like embarrassingly loud sobbing and uncontrollable screaming breaking down.

Embarrassed beyond belief, I quickly wiped my eyes and pulled back. "Please don't look at me like that."

"Like what?" Dimitri's voice was all gravel and Russian accent.

Strange, I thought, but ignored it. His voice was rough from sleep. Had to be. That was the only explanation.

"I'm going to punch you square in the mouth if I get anymore pity from you. That's one thing I can't stand…pity. When someone feels bad for me. It makes me feel all powerless."

Dimitri stood from the bed and went to the door. "I wasn't looking at you in pity. It was concern."

My nose scrunched up in confusion. "Concern? What the hell do you have to worry about?"

"Your safety," he said. "Your safety is the most important thing right now."

I snorted. Of course he'd come into my bedroom only because he thought I was being attacked, not because he actually cared or wanted to comfort me. He was only doing his job.

With a grimace, I lay back in bed and hiked the sheets up to my neck. "Goodnight, Dimitri. Have some sweet frickin' dreams because I know I'll be in here stuck in my goddamn nightmares."

Childish? Yes. But that was how I dealt with situations when I had no clue what to do. My temper was getting the best of me. I hadn't slept well in weeks. And there was this blazing inside me, this want, this need. And I had a suspicious feeling it was because of the God reincarnate standing in my bedroom at his staggering height, with those black flannel pajama bottoms and muscle shirt.

God, I wanted a slice of that Russian cake.

Or maybe I wanted the whole damn thing…

Shaking those ridiculous and unrealistic thoughts from my brain, I took two deep breaths and rested my burning eyes.

"Is there anything I can get you?" Dimitri asked. "Would you like a glass of water? You look as if you need one."

"I'm fine. Thank you very much." The bitterness and resentment in my voice was unmistakable, and I couldn't figure out why it was there.

Oh, to hell with that. I so knew why it was there. Dimitri. Why hadn't he taken any interest in me? Why hadn't he showed some sign of affection or lust? I'd seen guys trip over their own feet checking me out.

What the hell was wrong with this bodyguard?

Or…

What the hell was wrong with me?

It was a goddamn mind fuck. It really was. And I blamed my delusional thinking and slightly insane actions on my insomnia. Not only that, but I was running from a kidnapper—a man whom I had know clue his identity, a man who was still hell bent on getting me back so that he could torture me once more. Yeah, all of that put a lot of pressure on a girl. I was stressed, that's all.

"I'm getting you water. You are thirsty and you need it."

"You know what I need?" My eyes snapped open and I met his dark gaze. "I need some sleep. Some alone time. And I need you outta my room so that can happen."

"My pleasure," Dimitri said. "But first, I will get you a glass of water. I know you want something to drink, but you're too ashamed to admit it. However, there is no need to fear. Your pride and ego doesn't bother me in the slightest."

With one last smartass smile, he disappeared, going into the kitchen that had been roaring in flames earlier in the night.

Moments later, he came back with a glass filled to the brim. "Drink." He handed it to me.

I smiled, noticing the four ice cubes floating at the top. "How did you know I like that many?"

Dimitri scratched the back of his neck, like he was uncomfortable. "It was something I noticed at dinner…each time you went back for more soda. You'd replace it with four new cubes."

"You paid attention." Something sparked in my chest. Happiness…?

"All apart of my job, Miss Hathaway." he said. "Being aware and observant of any situation is what I'm trained to do."

And that hope deflated like a damn balloon.

"Goodnight, Dimitri." With the tone I was using, what I said sounded more like _Go to Hell_.

He stood there for a moment longer, just staring, and then without saying a word, closed the door shut softly.

Surprisingly, sleep tackled me and I was slammed into the dark arms of oblivion. I slept better that night than I had in…God knows how long. And I had an annoying little feeling it was because Dimitri was there. In my home. Protecting me.

* * *

><p>The next morning, after showering and throwing on some light, airy clothes perfect for the warm Montana summer weather, I took a deep <em>you-can-do-this<em> breath, and opened my bedroom door.

Only to moan loudly. "What is that wonderful smell?"

Dimitri was in the kitchen, freshly showered and dressed. The man was a morning bird. Double _ugh_.

Leaning over the stove, he flipped something magical with a metal spatula. "Good morning," He glanced over his shoulder.

I took tremendous satisfaction as I watched his bottomless eyes flicker over my body quickly, then focus on the food again.

"Morning," I plopped down in the chair at my dining table, watching him. "What are you cookin'?"

"Bacon, eggs, and toast."

"So that's what that orgasmic smell was," His head whipped around and I realized what I'd said with a nasty curse. "I meant organic. No..." I shook my head, picking my brain for an answer that would help ease the awkwardness. "I meant _oooo_-some. Awesome. Yeah, that's it."

His lips twitched a little as he handed me a steaming mug. "Two creams. One sugar."

"Just the way I like it. Thanks." I took a careful sip, then lifted my eyes to his hypnotizing brown ones. "What are you looking at?"

"Your lips…" My bodyguard rolled his _R's_ like you wouldn't believe. It was the most incredible sound.

"My lips?" I scrubbed at my mouth. I knew there wasn't a dry drool spot on there or anything. I'd cleaned that off earlier in the shower… "What's wrong with them?"

"Nothing." Dimitri cleared his throat. As he grabbed two plates from the cupboard, I couldn't help but notice how magnificent his body looked in his black thermal shirt, black pants, and leather boots.

The cords of muscle in his back flexed strongly yet gracefully as he grabbed two forks from the drawer. Raw power and pure strength was written all over him, not only in his brutally amazing physique, but also in the way he carried himself.

The confidence in him was a stinger because I knew mine was so much lower. He probably had beautiful women dropping panties at his feet, while I was stuck in my apartment every Friday night with a bag of BBQ potato chips, scared shitless that that man would bust down my door at any given minute and kidnap me again.

God, I knew life was going to be a real bitch to me. But I didn't think it was going to be this bad.

A plate was set in front of me. "Thanks," I smiled a little.

He didn't return the gesture, but his eyes softened and warmed for a split second. Then—of course—went back to the sharp, vicious, and watchful ones they always were.

We ate in comfortable silence, the only sounds filling the room was our silverware softly clinking, until Dimitri asked, "What are our plans today?"

"Shopping!" I made spirit fingers at my bodyguard. "I hope you like spending the day at the mall with two women, Comrade. Because that's what's going down."

Although he was perfectly serious and all business, I had a feeling he was cringing on the inside. But then again, what six-foot-seven, impeccably handsome man who was about to spend hours walking around a three foot story building watching two girlfriends pick out clothes and makeup and gasp at everything that was pink and sparkly wouldn't?

_Beats me._

"Let's go!" I grabbed another triangle of toast, my purse, and ran out my apartment.

Adrian was outside in the running black SUV. "Morning, Miss Hathaway."

Despite the fact that I didn't really like the man and it wasn't usually like me to be all _happy-happy-joy-joy_, I grinned and waved. "How are you doing?"

From the corner of my eye, I saw Dimitri checking to make sure the windows were closed, then locking the front door.

"Great now that I'm seeing that beautiful face," Adrian smirked at his boss, who rolled his eyes. "Have I ever told you how wonderful your skin looks in the sunlight, Dimitri? It's like the color of caramel and honey mixed together—"

"Shut up." Dimitri shook his head, smiling. "You're working. No jokes. Now close that window and pay attention."

"Aye, Aye, captain." Adrian closed his trap and quickly did as he was told.

I sauntered over to Lissa's apartment and banged on the door. "Open up! You're late!"

Someone I didn't expect nor wanted to see answered, sporting blue pajama bottoms and messy black hair. "Whoa. It's early. Chill, will ya?" Oscar, their black cat, circled his ankles.

Christian picked the animal up and the instant Oscar and I were face to face, we made eye contact. Those glowing green eyes flared black. He bared his teeth, hissed, scrambled out of Lissa's boyfriends' arms and booked it in the opposite direction, disappearing behind their couch.

"He's such a charmer, isn't he?" Christian asked.

Glancing over my shoulder at Dimitri, I grinned and said, "Told ya cats have a very intense fear of me for no apparent reason."

"And that's why I'm getting you one for Christmas. Whoops!" Christian put a hand to his mouth, mockingly gasping in surprise. "I've just spoiled your present. Darn it."

Ignoring that, Dimitri met my eyes and said, "I can see that. Thank you for clarifying."

"Anytime." I looked at Christian. "Why do you look like a tornado survivor?"

"We had a good night." His smirk was one of masculine pride. "My honey likes to be in control on the weekends. She's a great rider—"

"That's enough." I nearly gagged at the mental images. "Where is she?"

"Right here." Lissa appeared out of nowhere, dressed in an amazing maroon dress and white wedges. After giving Christian a kiss, she tugged oval-shaped glasses onto her nose and slipped on a sun hat.

Her boyfriend grumbled something and slammed the door shut, happy to get back to bed.

"Morning guys!" She beamed, covering her exposed skin in SPF.

"You do realize that the sun just peeked its head out, don't you?"

"Nonsense," My best friend waved her elegant hands. "It's always important to use protection."

Traitorously, my eyes flickered over to Dimitri as the thought of condoms and sex popped into my brain. For some unknown reason, the thought of touching him, being naked with him, having him cover me with his large body while we moved in sync didn't frighten me or make it hard to breathe—which is usually what happened any time someone got close to me. The thought actually excited me.

_Boy,_ I thought, _imagine him lying in bed with nothing but a sheet covering his hips, that tan golden skin covered in fresh sweat, his hair tangled and messy from love making. Then imagine covering him in whip cream and licking it off slowly—_

Dimitri arched a dark brow. "Something on your mind?"

Shaking my head vigorously, I swallowed hard and murmured, "No."

"Are you sure about that?" The curl of his full lips told me he knew I'd just been fantasizing about him.

"Bite me."

Twenty minutes later, I pulled my Honda into a parking spot at the mall. Dimitri was the first one out of the car, immediately searching the area with his eyes.

"Easy there, G.I. Joe." I laughed, tugging my purse onto my shoulder. "It's daylight. We're in a crowded place. No one's going to attack us—"

"You don't know that," There was a sharp edge to his voice. "That is your first mistake. You are safe with me. But don't ever believe that there is absolutely no danger because you are at the mall. Kidnappings occur in public places all the time."

I shrunk back in fear, my chest constricting viciously. "You're right. I…I'm sorry."

His eyes flashed with regret, like he'd realized he'd been too harsh.

Goddamn. Compassion made me itch.

Adrian parked the SUV at the same time Lissa patted my shoulder in reassurance. "Alright, girly. Let's shop!"

Five hours later, we were back at the Honda. I had to laugh as the two men put our shopping bags into the back of the SUV. Adrian grunted and cursed the whole time. "Gee, you bought the whole damn mall, didn't you."

"Really breaking a sweat over there, ain't ya?" Lissa teased.

"Yes. And I'm loving it." Adrian slammed the trunk shut. "Sweat is one of my favorite things next to alcohol and beautiful women."

I rolled my eyes and asked what time it was.

Dimitri glanced at the black watch on his left wrist and told me.

"Well," I groaned. "Looks like it's time to get to work. For me, that is."

After dropping Lissa off back at the apartments and changing into my uniform, the three of us headed down town.

After pulling into the employee parking center, I slid out of the car right after my bodyguard did. A moment later, Adrian ran up and joined us, careful not to draw attention to himself.

"This is where you work." Dimitri said. Not a question, but a statement.

_Yeah, motherfucker. _"Yep. This is the place. Nice, isn't it?"

"Adrian will go inside with you." The God reincarnate said, brown eyes watchful of our surroundings. "I will stay outside and secure the perimeter."

"_Ohhhh._ Top secret spy stuff. Can I get one of those ear piece things you guys have?" I asked. "'Cause that would be really cool."

"No." They both said at the same time, their voices stern and unwavering, as if I was a child who'd asked to shoot a gun off in the kitchen.

"What a bummer." I walked inside Olive Garden, muttering curses under my breath. Today was going to be a long day. I just knew it.

* * *

><p>Eight hours later, I was proved right. The day had been exhausting. Endless. And to top it all off, my feet were so sore it felt like someone had dropped two heavy dumbbells on my toes.<p>

Adrian had stayed inside the whole day, laying low. If he wasn't at a table eating, he was at the bar drinking. Or at least pretending to drink. Yeah, he had to be. With how many times his glass got refilled with vodka, there was no way he could consume all of that alcohol and still be standing.

Unless he had a tremendous tolerance to that shit.

He'd also hit it big with my work best friend, Sydney Sage. The girl was religious and prided herself on being Ms. Independent, but when she saw the gorgeous womanizer, she practically dropped to her knees in front of him.

By the end of the night, Adrian had scored not only her number but a date as well. Typical. The guy was working but still managing to mack on the ladies. Oh, what a charmer.

It was hard to admit, but I did miss Dimitri Hard-ass a little bit. The man was like a shadow, so mysterious and dark and silent. I was drawn to him for reasons unknown. Though I hadn't seen him in hours and hours…even when I'd stare out the window searching for him…I constantly felt his eyes on me. I knew it because I always had a tingly feeling from his intense gaze. He was watching me. Protecting me. Saving me.

Trying to keep the excitement out of my face along with the giddy smile, I snatched my purse and coat up, waved goodbye to a few coworkers on the way out, then pushed open the doors and burst outside.

Once I got to my car, I waited, trying to keep the fear and panic out of my chest. I was by myself in the dark parking lot. Completely alone. And I hated that.

Adrian was still inside, planning on coming out a few moments after I had. Supposedly, it was safer for people to believe I was by myself. The whole surprise attack thing was a big thing in Dimitri and Adrian's line of work, apparently. The less prepared their enemy—or in this case, my enemy—was, the better. Gave them the upper hand.

Adrian sauntered out of Olive Garden a moment later and stopped in front of the Honda.

"Alright," he said. "I'm off. Have a good night, Ma'am."

He went over to the SUV, leaving me stunned.

"Wait!" I called out. "You can't leave me alone."

Adrian glanced over his shoulder and smiled. "You're not alone. Believe that." He pointed behind me, got inside the vehicle, and tore off.

I turned around and gasped. "Holy shit!" I clutched my heaving chest, feeling my heartbeat hammer under my palm. "You scared the fuck out of me."

"Your vocabulary never ceases to amaze me, Miss Hathaway." Dimitri smiled dryly. His massive body was nothing but a looming shadow in the darkness.

"Stop with the compliments, will ya. I'm blushing." I grabbed my keys, hearing them jingle in my hand as I unlocked the Honda. "Make a little noise next time you sneak up on me. Okay?"

"I didn't sneak up on you. You weren't paying attention to your surroundings like you should."

Narrowing my eyes, I said, "Let's pick up some bells on our way. Tonight, I shall sew them onto your clothes and solve that little problem you refuse to acknowledge."

My bodyguard rolled his eyes. "Come on. Let's go home."

Shame on me, but I really like the way he said _Let's go home. _It made me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside. _Home. Our home._

It had a nice ring to it.

"Do you mind if you drive?" I tossed him the keys. "Not really feeling all that up to it."

Dimitri nodded and we slid inside.

"Buckle up." He said as he pulled out.

I stuck out my tongue. "You're not my mother. You can't tell me what to do."

It was meant as a joke, but my bodyguard obviously took it seriously because the car came to a screeching halt off the side of the road. With blurring yet refined hands, the seatbelt was fastened in a heartbeat.

"Keep that on," He said as he turned left and resumed driving. "Or else I will make you keep it on."

I winked. "I like a man in control."

His dark eyes flashed before he swallowed hard and looked away, paying attention to the road.

It was silent on the way home. That good kind of quiet between two people. Not the awkward kind that made you fidget. This…this was comfortable. Nice. The thing I liked about Dimitri was that he didn't feel the need to fill the space with meaningless words. Strong and silent he was.

God, I _really_ liked him…

"Tell me something about you." I wanted to know everything about him, from birth to present, but I started easy. No need to scare him away.

"I'm here to protect you." Dimitri paused at a red light, waited for green, then stepped on the gas again. "That is all you need to know about me."

"What if I tell you something about myself first? Then will you tell me a little bit about yourself?" I frowned. "How does that sound? Like an even trade?"

"I already know everything about you that is necessary."

I ignored his words, knowing that the only place arguing with him was going to get me was a dead end. "I'm right handed. My favorite movie is Rush Hour because I would marry Chris Tucker in a heartbeat. I've known my best friend, Lissa, since kindergarten when I chucked a book at my teacher and called her a fascist bastard. By the way, I still have no clue what that is exactly. I love Oreo cookies but hate that creamy white stuff inside. I think turtles are cool. My favorite color is red. I can tie a cherry stem with my teeth. And I hate when I find Band-Aids in pools." I took a deep breath. "Your turn."

I glanced over, and to my utter shock, found Dimitri smiling widely.

My God…

The thing beating inside my chest stopped, then fluttered like a butterfly, going wild.

He was so damn beautiful when he smiled.

"Just one thing. Please." I said when I sensed his hesitation. "This is just between me and you. And I'll stop bugging."

"I read old western books. A lot. And I've watched every single John Wayne movie made."

I made a gagging noise. "Reading and cowboys? Blah. You have no taste."

His face hardened and I could tell he was slipping into that bodyguard mask once again, camouflaging all of his emotions.

Shockingly, I reached over and touched his arm. He flinched.

"Listen, that was rude. I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean that." I said softly. "Thank you for telling me that. I appreciate it."

The tension from his body eased up a little. After a few moments, he nodded stiffly.

I almost felt sorry for Dimitri for a moment. I had a feeling this guy didn't open up very much, and when he did, you shouldn't make fun of him like I had. God, I really was a bitch. The man was an emotionless guard and he had let down a wall for me. Then I went and crushed whatever little progress we'd made towards a friendship.

Typical of me. I usually ruined everything.

* * *

><p>Inside my apartment, after eating an amazing meal Dimitri had prepared—the man was a God in the kitchen as well—I headed for the one and only shower located in the hallway.<p>

Waiting for the water to get nice and hot, I stripped my work clothes off and breathed in the thick steam.

I stepped under the scorching spray, did a quick job of shampooing my hair, scrubbing my body with my favorite lavender soap, shaving my legs, and rinsing off. Then I was out with a fluffy towel wrapped around me.

Opening the door, hot steam immediately was sucked out of the room. I walked into the hallway—

_Smack. _

I ran into something hard as a rock. A body.

Pure terror rose inside me and I screamed my lungs out until they burned, distantly aware that my towel had dropped off of me once I fell, leaving me completely bare. This only made me scream louder.

The man was saying something but the words didn't register. The attack was coming. And it was coming fast. I could feel it. The sweaty palms. Wobbly limbs. Tight throat. Sheer panic. The feeling of death overcoming me until that was all I knew.

The black shadow reached for me, heavy arms going around my waist, pulling me towards him.

"Please don't touch me!" I desperately sucked air into my lungs as they tightened and squeezed shut. "Don't touch me! Please." I wailed like a baby, endless tears dripping down my face and soaking my skin. Flashbacks of my kidnapper with the mask and distorted voice played in my brain over and over again.

"God, please don't hurt me!" I dropped to the floor in a useless attempt to get away. Crawling on hands and knees, I scrambled across the carpet as my breathing became very erratic. This was the part where I passed out. Or died.

Either way was fine with me, I only wanted out of this misery.

But then a brown paper bag was in front of my face and pressed against my mouth. I tried to fight Him for a while, pull back, run away, but the giant black shadow squeezed me to him and forced me to inhale through the bag.

One breath. Two breath. Then more…

The fogginess disappeared, that sheer panic burning away like someone had struck a match and burned it to ash.

Sagging in relief, I realized that Dimitri was there. Sitting on the ground behind me. Cradling me to his chest. Emotions were so strong in his dark eyes.

"Oh, God." I realized that that black shadow had been him. That the body I'd bumped into had been him. That what triggered the panic attack and flashbacks had been him. The tears started rolling again.

Beyond horrified with myself, I stood up and stared down at him. "I-I-I…" Covering my naked breasts and hips with my hands as best I could, I said, "Don't look at me. Please. Don't look at me."

His lids squeezed shut. "I think you are beautiful—"

"Shut up! Okay? Just shut up!" I ran into my room, collapsed on the bed, and yanked on my hair.

God, what the hell had just happened? I'd had an attack. In front of Dimitri. Naked. I'd screamed like a mental patient. What he must think of me…

Though my body was the way it had always been—long, lean, curvy—I felt really small in that moment. Like an ant.

No.

An ant was bigger than me.

I was so damn tiny. Powerless. Alone in a world full of vicious people. Defenseless. No one could mend me, not even the therapists. Lord knows how much money I had dumped on them only to run around in endless circles.

God, being by yourself really sucked sometimes.

I questioned my sanity and realized that I had none left. When had I lost it? The time I'd been drugged and abducted? The time I'd been nearly raped by the man in the mask? The time my kidnapper had made small cuts all over my body then watched with a smile as he rubbed salt over my wounds? Or maybe it was after I'd escaped and came back to life as I always knew it only to realize that everything was _not _normal?

I gazed at the bottle of aspirin on my nightstand and the thought of suicide came to my brain. Maybe I could end it all. Right here. Right now. Just end all of the heartache and panic attacks and constant fear of being abducted again.

Suicide would be easy. Painful, but easy. All my problems would vanish. My parents and friends wouldn't hold my giant burden. Because surely I was wearing them down with my PTSD. I could see it in their faces.

I was reaching for the bottle, only hoping to get a closer look at the thing, when the door suddenly flung open.

"Don't touch that," Dimitri growled, marching in and grabbing the aspirin.

I gasped and quickly covered myself with the blankets. "How did you know?"

"It's not hard to guess that you would be suicidal at a time like this," I cringed at his hard tone. "You are a fighter not a quitter. There is fire in your eyes, Rose. I'm not going to let you take your own life. Not on my watch. Not ever." My bodyguard grabbed the rest of the pill bottles off my nightstand—

"Hey! Those are prescription and I need them!"

"They stay with me. When you need them, come to me. I will watch as you take them."

"I don't need a damn babysitter."

"The condition you are in now? Yes. Yes, you do."

"_Fuck. You_."

"I'll take that as a thank you in the long run." Dimitri slammed the bedroom door shut.

"Oh, hell no," I jumped up, clutching the blankets to my chest. I flung open—

"Hey! What are you doing!"

"Taking anything out of the bathroom than can be harmful to yourself or me." He said, rummaging and slamming drawers. "Headache, pain, and fever medicines and cough/cold/or flu symptom products. All the creams for itchy skin reactions as well as products for all the usual stomach or bowel problems. This too…" He held it up.

"Now how the hell am I going to injure anyone with a pair of tweezers?"

He smiled, but it wasn't a happy one. "You'd be surprised."

"I'd like to put them in your eye right about now." I muttered under my breath.

"Exactly. You can cause injury. That's why the tweezers are gone." He stood up, taking the armful of shit with him. "Also, starting tomorrow, we're using plastic silverware."

"At least leave the shaver,"

"Absolutely not."

"What am I supposed to do then? Get all hairy?" I asked. "Sorry Dimitri, that may be cool from whatever country you're from. But in America, bushy women just ain't sexy."

His lips twisted into a full out grin. "I will buy you waxing strips tomorrow." He walked down the hallway, away from me.

"And you think I can't do some damage with those?" I called out. "Sleep with one eye open tomorrow, Comrade, because you might wake up the next day with only one brow."

"Goodnight, Rose."

I cursed, then went to my bedroom and slammed the door shut like a five year old. "Night."


	4. Chapter 4: Trouble Me

**Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to Richelle Mead.**

**The original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story are owned by Ms. Belikov. Please do not copy, reproduce, or translate without express written permission.**

* * *

><p><strong><em>Previously on Saving Me...<em>**

_"Hey! What are you doing!"_

_"Taking anything out of the bathroom than can be harmful to yourself or me." He said, rummaging and slamming drawers. "Headache, pain, and fever medicines and cough/cold/or flu symptom products. All the creams for itchy skin reactions as well as products for all the usual stomach or bowel problems. This too…" He held it up._

_"Now how the hell am I going to injure anyone with a pair of tweezers?"_

_He smiled, but it wasn't a happy one. "You'd be surprised."_

_"I'd like to put them in your eye right about now." I muttered under my breath._

_"Exactly. You can cause injury. That's why the tweezers are gone." He stood up, taking the armful of shit with him. "Also, starting tomorrow, we're using plastic silverware."_

_"At least leave the shaver,"_

_"Absolutely not."_

_"What am I supposed to do then? Get all hairy?" I asked. "Sorry Dimitri, that may be cool from whatever country you're from. But in America, bushy women just ain't sexy."_

_His lips twisted into a full out grin. "I will buy you waxing strips tomorrow." He walked down the hallway, away from me._

_"And you think I can't do some damage with those?" I called out. "Sleep with one eye open tomorrow, Comrade, because you might wake up the next day with only one brow."_

_"Goodnight, Rose."_

_I cursed, then went to my bedroom and slammed the door shut like a five year old. "Night."_

* * *

><p>"Hey! My shavers are back. And so are all my other things!" I ran out of the bathroom and found Dimitri sitting on the couch, reading a battered western novel. Some God he was.<p>

He didn't say anything.

"Hello!" I knocked on his skull. "Anybody home? Why did you give me back my belongings?"

"You deserve them."

"Aren't you afraid that I might, I don't know, go all suicidy?"

"No. I'm not." His tone was bored as he flipped the page. "Last night I was worried. But I believe you're in a healthy mind state as of right now."

Grabbing an old birthday card from a nearby table, I brought it up and pressed it to my skin. "Uh-oh. Look, Comrade! I'm slitting my wrists—"

Dimitri snatched the thing out of my grasp—

"_Shit!_ Ouch! You gave me a paper cut."

"What you said wasn't funny."

"Well, your face is. So I believe it evens things out." I said bitterly, licking at the thin slit of blood on my palm. Giving him one last glare, I headed for the kitchen and opened the fridge.

"I got you something." he said as I chugged OJ straight from the carton. "While you were asleep. I went out. Adrian watched over you."

I swallowed and wiped the juice on my mouth. "What'd you get me?" I asked curiously.

"Stay here." Dimitri disappeared. A moment later, he came back in the kitchen and set a glass tank on the counter. Inside, there was water, brown pebbles, big rocks, plants, and…"Oh, my God! Is that a turtle?"

To my utter surprise, he smiled widely, flashing perfect, straight, gleaming white teeth. "Yes. You told me you liked them."

"Do you buy all of your clients a present?" I blurted with a good dose of attitude. Of course, leave it to me to ruin the moment. "What I meant to say was thank you. So, yeah, thanks." Unthinkingly, I ran over and wrapped my arms around his body.

Dimitri stiffened, obviously surprised by my hug. And, sure, I'd kind of shocked myself, too. Physical contact wasn't on my list of things to do for fun. Actually, the mere thought of touching anyone made me want to take a nuclear hot shower and scrub my skin raw.

But with Dimitri…it was different. Being close to him, having his tremendous, muscular body against mine was really great. I was warm. Protected. Safe.

He was my breath of fresh air.

"You're welcome." When I felt him relax and slide his hands around to the small of my back, I closed my eyes and was cannon-launched up to the clouds.

Abruptly, that blanket of bliss and contentment was shattered as he pulled back. "I've got to go."

My lids snapped open. "What?" Alarm settled in and my throat tightened—the first signs of an oncoming panic attack. "Oh, God…I can't…_I can't breathe._" I gasped, clutching my throat.

I was whipped right back up into Dimitri's arms. "Roza, stay here with me. Focus on my voice. My touch. My scent." Something wonderful and soft was stroking my hair as I squeezed my eyes shut and did as he said, inhaling that wonderful, crisp aftershave. It was intoxicating and had my mouth watering. "You're not there. You're here. With me. The only thing that can hurt you is yourself. Stop. Fight it."

A huge wave of tranquility spilled over my body, like sea water that reaches the shore, covering and soaking into the sand. I sagged, relived. When I opened my eyes, my vision had gone from blurry to clear.

That was the first ever panic attack I'd had control over. The only one I'd been able to stop.

And it was all because of Dimitri.

The petting of my hair, I realized, was from his fingers running through my locks. He was calming and soothing me…something that was not part of his job description.

"Thank you." I croaked, my voice raw.

Dimitri pulled back just enough to look at me. There was something sharp and dangerous in his eyes that I couldn't explain.

"Will you stop looking at me like that?" I stepped out of his arms, immediately feeling the loss and warmth. "What just happened is embarrassing enough as it is."

"I embarrass you?"

"When you look at me like that? Yeah. Yeah, you do."

"You have nothing to be ashamed about Roz-Rose." he said. "These attacks that are happening to you now…it's understandable for what has happened to you in the past."

"Aren't you curious?"

"About what?"

"What happened to me when I was kidnapped. What triggers these episodes I have." I said gruffly.

Dimitri shrugged. "You'll tell me when you're ready."

"Will I." Not a question, but a statement.

"Yes, you will." his deep voice became dark. "Everyone has a breaking point, Rose."

The laughter that escaped my mouth held no humor, was slightly evil. "I've been broken for a _long _time, Comrade."

"No, you haven't. But you will reach your breaking point when you just can't take shit anymore. The only question that remains is: _When?_"

I just stared at him in complete shock, fear twisting my insides until they hurt.

God, I _so_ hoped he was wrong.

* * *

><p>"Fuck me sideways!" Adrian yelled.<p>

"I think I'll pass on that one." I said.

He ran out of my parents' kitchen a moment later, balancing a fresh out-of-the-oven pie dish in his bare hands.

"You're supposed to use the mittens, idiot."

"_Rose!_" Janine scolded.

"What?" I asked innocently as Adrian yelped and dropped the scolding hot pan on the table. "He can curse, but I can't?"

Abe laughed and Janine smacked his arm.

"Sorry, my lady." My father grabbed her pale hand and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. It made me smile seeing her blush.

This was defiantly an improvement in their relationship. I was so used to seeing them argue everyday. But now, after having filed for divorce, they seemed to appreciate each other more. It was true, you really didn't know what you had until it was gone.

When Adrian sat down next to me, I rolled my eyes and said, "I miss that Russian. He wasn't half as annoying as you are."

Dimitri hadn't told me anything about what he was doing or where he was going, just that he had to leave. And when he'd walked out of my apartment seven hours and forty-one minutes ago—not that I was counting—I felt an immediate yearning and wanted him to come back.

That longing had only grown stronger the longer we'd been apart.

Adrian smirked as he sliced into the dessert and scooped a piece of apple pie onto his plate. "Thank you very much. I take that as a compliment. Means I'm on your brain if you think I'm annoying. You are aware of me."

"Oh, I'm _very_ aware of you."

Adrian took a bite of pie. "I need your help—"

"Can't help you with your personality or your looks, sorry."

"Thank God for that. I quite like myself the way I am. Especially my handsome face and stunning body. But what I was going to ask you for was the passing of the whip cream. I want to draw a little smiley face on my pie."

"Are you gay?" Abe asked from across the table.

My mothers' eyes widened. "Ibrahim—"

"I'm just curious," he held up his palms and looked straight at the bodyguard beside me. "Being gay is not a bad thing. I just want to know."

"I can assure you, Mr. Mazur, that I dig the females and the females only." Adrian chuckled. "I have _Certified Hetero_ tattooed on my back if you'd like to see as proof."

"Thank you for telling me that. I appreciate it. And no, don't pull off your shirt, I believe you." My father said.

I snorted and took a sip of strawberry wine. Glancing at the clock on the wall, I immediately stood up and exclaimed, "Grey's Anatomy is having a marathon tonight. And yeah, I love that show. Don't look at me like that."

After waving and singing my goodnights to Abe and Janine, I booked it for my Red Honda. "Adrian! Leave the pie! Let's go or I'm leaving your ass here!"

He came out of the house a moment later, stuffing as much apple dessert into his mouth possible without choking.

For no special reason, I bended over, braced my palms against my knees, and roared with laughter until I couldn't breathe.

After a few moments, Adrian joined me.

* * *

><p>"The area is secure," Adrian came out of the shadows. "You can go inside now."<p>

"Is Dimitri here yet?" I asked as we headed in, then turned on the lights and locked the door.

Something flashed in his emerald-green eyes. "Nope. Not yet. Boss should be coming back pretty soon, though."

"Cool." I shrugged, pretending not to care.

After chopping up some carrots and lettuce, I walked over to the tank and slid off the top. "Hi, Raphael." I cooed, dropping the veggies in the water. "Nom. Nom. Nom. Eat up, Raph."

"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?" Hearing a soft and melodic chuckle, I looked over my shoulder and found Adrian standing across the room, arms crossed, eyes trained on me.

"Got a problem?"

"With his name? Yeah." He came forward and got to his knees, studying the turtle swimming inside. "I totally get this Mikey vibe from him. This isn't no Raphael turtle."

For some absurd reason, I blurted, "Dimitri got him for me."

His jaw clenched. "That's awesome. He isn't the type to do stuff like that…for _anyone._ So I guess that makes you special."

"Yeah?" I asked, trying to be nonchalant but not believing that he bought it for a single second. "Oh, what the hell. I'm just going to come out and say this. Does he have a girlfriend?"

"No." Adrian smirked at my boldness. "But he does have a wife."

My heart dropped into my stomach, and the next words that left my mouth came out in a rush of breath, like someone had sucker punched me, "A _what?_"

"Dimitri's married to his work. I'm going to be honest, Little lady, you've got some serious competition. He's very dedicated and loyal to his job."

I slid to the floor and dropped on my butt, sagging in relief. Not liking the way Adrian was staring at me and wanting to change the subject, I said, "Why isn't Raph eating anything?"

"The chunks of vegetables you put in there are too big. You have to remember that he doesn't have teeth, just a beak." Adrian reached in the tank and grabbed a chunk of lettuce, then tore it up into little pieces and held it right by the turtles mouth. Raphael ate greedily.

"Look!" I exclaimed excitedly. "He's doing it."

The smile that lifted Adrian's lips tightened something in my chest, and I realized in that moment, that he really was good looking. Bronze, messy-styled hair. Hypnotic, dark emerald eyes. Regal features. Unique, gorgeous teeth and smile.

I cleared my throat and looked down.

And that's when I noticed the red marks on his palms.

"Oh, my God. Look at your hands!" I cursed as I shot to my feet. Surprising myself, I grabbed his wrists and dragged him into the kitchen when he tried to protest.

"It's nothing. They'll heal."

"To hell with that. Next time make sure you use the oven mittens." I rolled up the sleeves of his black thermal, revealing strong, thick forearms. The burn marks were a brilliant red against his pale skin, slightly swelling his palms. "Jesus, they must hurt."

"Yeah, they sting, a lil'." Adrian said.

I filled up a huge bowl of cold water, then took all of the ice out of the fridge and dumped them in.

"Here." I submerged his hands. When he sighed and squeezed his eyes shut in relief, it was the best show of gratitude I had ever witnessed.

"Does it feel better?"

"Much. My hands don't feel like they're going to explode anymore. I hate burns…they're the worse kind of pain." His lids open, revealing wonder filled eyes. "I am in complete awe. No person has ever taken care of me the way you are now."

I blushed and waved my hand in dismissal. "It's nothing, really. All I did was get you some water."

"True. But still…" Adrian, for the first time probably in his entire life, was at loss for words. Eventually, he whispered, "Thank you."

"Keep your palms in that bowl. I'll be right back." I ducked into the bathroom, grabbed the bottle of Neosporin in the medicine cabinet, and went back to my bodyguard.

"Whatcha' got there, pretty lady?"

"Ointment that's going to ease the pain and heal the burns. Now get that towel and dry off your hands."

After he did what I said, I unscrewed the cap of the bottle and squeezed some of the gel onto my fingertips. When my touch first made contact with his wounds, Adrian winced, but relaxed a moment later as I started rubbing circles into his skin.

"How does it feel?" I asked, trying to ignore the rising panic in my chest from being so close to another human being.

"It doesn't hurt as much anymore. That stuff is cooling it."

"Good. You're all finished." I grabbed a paper towel and wiped the Neosporin off—

I froze when Adrian put his mouth over mine.

He pulled back right away when he realized I was paralyzed on the spot. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

Before I could give it another thought, I rose on my tip toes and kissed him. At first I didn't do much, just let Adrian work his mouth against mine. He was so gentle with me, not taking it to the next level by shoving his tongue down my throat; it was just lips meeting lips. And God, his lips were so soft, like the petal of a flower.

I was really enjoying and getting in to it until Adrian slipped his arms around my waist and pulled me tight against his body.

Claustrophobia hit me like a train, making me want to claw far away from him and go bathe in bleach.

Tears sprang to my eyes, but I blinked them away and continued to kiss Adrian. I wasn't going to be weak and let go. I could handle this. I _would_ handle this. It wasn't like I could go my whole life without touching someone.

"Do you mind getting your hands off my client?"

We both stopped at the sound of Dimitri's booming voice, then scrambled away from each other.

"Hey, boss. How you doing?" Adrian tried to play it cool. "You should really turn that frown upside down. It's not a good look on you."

Breathing heavily and gathering all the courage I possibly could, I turned around to face Dimitri.

And found his black eyes on my face.

You know those times you wished the earth could swallow you whole and make you disappear? I was having one of those moments right now.

Dimitri was wearing a black V neck, denim jeans, leather boots, and his signature brown duster. With his hair tied at the nape of his neck and the hard cut of his jaw and the shadows under his high cheekbones, he looked more like a killer than a protector. As we stared each other down, I idly wondered what he saw on me. Wide eyes. Tangled hair. Red, swollen lips. Heaving chest.

With an eerie calm, he crossed his arms and addressed Adrian, though he kept his burning stare on me. "Your off for the day, Ivashkov. Go home."

"Right. Okay. I'm glad to." There was shuffling noise as Adrian grabbed his coat and keys. "Thanks, Rose. For helping me with the burns. I appreciate it."

Something flashed in Dimitri's eyes.

The door slammed shut.

We were completely alone now.

Great. Just frickin' great.

"How was your day?" I went over and dumped the bowl of water to avoid looking at Dimitri. I knew he was tracking every one of my movements.

"Fine."

"What'd you do?"

"Got business taken care of."

"That's…good." I coughed. Talk about awkward. "Adrian and I—"

"I know exactly what you and Adrian did."

I spun around. "Fuck. You." I stomped right up to him and pointed my finger in his face. "You tell me I'm just a job to you. Then you come in here and act all jealous when you see Adrian and I kissing. Stop screwing my brain and go fuck yourself!"

His jaw clenched as he grabbed my wrist and put it at my side. "This has nothing to do with jealousy, Miss Hathaway. On the contrary, Adrian broke protocol when the two of you got involved." Dimitri said _involved_ in the same fashion as _Road kill._ "Never mix business with pleasure. He crossed the line and I have every right to fire him. I _should_ fire him."

I ripped my wrist out of his hold. God, did I feel stupid in that moment. Overreacting—it was my specialty. Of course Dimitri wasn't jealous. Why would he be? He was too hot for his own good and I was just…_ruined._

"Don't fire him."

"Why are you protecting him?"

I shrugged. "He's a good guy. He helped feed the turtle."

A snicker escaped Dimitri's lips.

Trying my best to lighten the tense mood, I asked, "Did you eat today?"

"No," his face suddenly became tired and he seemed to age a good seven years. "No, I haven't. There was no time to stop today."

I really wished he told me what "business" he'd done, but I didn't push it. Instead, I headed for the fridge. "I'll make you some food."

"Thank you, but I'd rather have the kitchen _not_ burn down."

I rolled my eyes. "It's just leftovers from last night. I'm pretty sure I know how to use the microwave. Now go sit down and relax."

Surprisingly, he listened to me, kicking off his shoes and slipping off his duster.

Five minutes later, I brought out a plate of heated up steak, red potatoes, and asparagus. As I set up the dinner tray in front of where he was sitting on the couch, I felt his eyes on me and liked it. "Eat. I'm going to get you something to drink."

I waited until he picked up the fork and knife and started cutting into the meat before returning back to the kitchen.

A moment later, I handed him a glass of ice water with a lemon wedge at the top. "Drink."

"You know what?" Dimitri smiled. "I kind of like you ordering me around."

"Then let me do it more often." I muttered, dropping into the comfy recliner and snatching up the remote. "From now on, you eat at every meal. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. No exceptions. You need to be strong."

"I'm supposed to be taking care of you. Not the other way around."

"I don't need a babysitter," I flicked through the channels. "You're only here to watch my back. Got it? I can take care of myself otherwise."

"I have no doubt about that."

I grinned. "Thanks."

About halfway through a Rambo movie, Dimitri said in a hoarse voice, "I want to teach you how to fight."

I stared at him, mouth agape. "Really?"

"Yes. Would you like that?"

"Hell yeah!" My body rocket launched off the piece of furniture it was sitting on. "When do we start? Are you going to be my mentor? When are we going to start?"

Dimitri's chuckle was rich and sincere. "A little eager there?"

"When do we start?"

"Tomorrow, if you want to."

I bobbed my head up and down like an idiot. "Yeah, tomorrow sounds great. But, um, I just have one question."

He nodded.

"Why are you doing this?"

"It's mandatory training for me as part of my job. I just figured I'd bring you along with me. To make you stronger." Dimitri answered. "Combat is good for the body, as well as the mind."

"Are you sure it's not because you want to see me all hot and sweaty?"

His dark brows came down.

"Kidding, Comrade. Relax." I yawned.

"You should get some rest. You'll need it."

"I can't wait." A grin twisted my mouth. "So, I guess I'll see you in the morning."

"I'll be waiting."

"Night, Dimitri."

"Goodnight, Rose."

* * *

><p>The nightmare was different.<p>

Unlike all the other dreams I'd had, I wasn't able to kick or scream or wake up. I was paralyzed in my subconscious, having to relieve those awful days and nights over and over again without being able to escape.

_The whip came at my back again, slicing through my skin with ease. I gritted my teeth against the searing burn. I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of hearing me scream. _

_The man came around to face me. He was wearing black jeans and his abdomen was naked. His mask was a change from the usual lime-green and purple one. This one was blood-red and white, with chunks of diamonds glued around the edges. _

_There was something different about him tonight, and it had nothing to do with his change in costume. Something was off about him, I could feel it. He was more twisted. More evil._

_That fact scared the hell out of me. When the kidnapper was in a bad mood, it wasn't a pretty night for me._

"_Tell me you love me!" He said in that bone-chilling, distorted voice. "Tell me I'm the one you want! Say it!"_

"_Fuck. You." I spat in his face. _

_The sinister look in his eyes made me recoil. The man stepped forward, slid his hands up my neck, capturing my jaw in his palms. "You never learn, do you?" He pushed his mask halfway up his face, and before I could get a good look, he bared his teeth and shot to my neck, biting my flesh. _

_The pain stole my breath away._

_My last thought before I blacked out was: _God, somebody please help me.

_But nobody ever did. The days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months. I'd lost hope of my parents finding me or the police still searching for me. The case had gone cold, I knew it. The kidnapper was clever and cunning in his ways, they'd never catch him, and no one would ever save me. I could only hope to die soon and quickly, that way this hell would be over._

_The only person who came for me was my kidnapper, and all he did was torment me. _

_I was alone. No one there to rescue me. So I accepted the hurt and dealt with it, because it was all I had. _


	5. Chapter 5: Guide Me

**A/N: **Hey guys! Sorry for the late update. I had this chapter all typed up about a week ago, but somehow it managed to delete itself. And I had to retype the whole thing up...which was very annoying. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy!

**Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to Richelle Mead.**

**The original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story are owned by Ms. Belikov. Please do not copy, reproduce, or translate without express written permission.**

* * *

><p><strong><em>PREVIOUSLY ON SAVING ME...<em>**

"_Tell me you love me!" He said in that bone-chilling, distorted voice. "Tell me I'm the one you want! Say it!"_

"_Fuck. You." I spat in his face. _

_The sinister look in his eyes made me recoil. The man stepped forward, slid his hands up my neck, capturing my jaw in his palms. "You never learn, do you?" He pushed his mask halfway up his face, and before I could get a good look, he bared his teeth and shot to my neck, biting my flesh. _

_The pain stole my breath away._

_My last thought before I blacked out was: _God, somebody please help me.

_But nobody ever did. The days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months. I'd lost hope of my parents finding me or the police still searching for me. The case had gone cold, I knew it. The kidnapper was clever and cunning in his ways, they'd never catch him, and no one would ever save me. I could only hope to die soon and quickly, that way this hell would be over._

_The only person who came for me was my kidnapper, and all he did was torment me. _

_I was alone. No one there to rescue me. So I accepted the hurt and dealt with it, because it was all I had._

* * *

><p><strong>RPOV:<strong>

"Again!"

"Screw you," My feet slowed down, muscles in my legs screaming at me. "I'm done."

"You still have another mile."

"I'm. Done. Asshole." Painfully slow, I limped my way over to the water fountain and drank my weight in liquid.

"Bet you wished you stretched out better." Dimitri's tone was bored as he flipped yet another page of his battered western novel.

"Does it please you to see me in pain?" I asked, wiping the sweat from my forehead with the inside of my shirt.

"When you don't listen to what I advise you to do? Yes. Yes, it does. But at least you'll learn a lesson out of it. Your body is going to feel even worse than it does now in the morning. Just wait and see."

"You sick son of a b-"

"Ready to spar?" Dimitri's smile was a devilish one, full of anticipation. One that turned me on like there was no tomorrow. He climbed to his feet.

"You got it, big boy." I followed him over to the blue mats. When he resumed a fighting stance, I mimicked the movement, lowering in to a crouch.

Without warning, the God reincarnate launched forward and delivered a blow to my ribs.

"What the fuck?" I choked on air, clutching my throbbing side. Gratefully, the otherworldly pain subsided to a buzzing numb feeling. "That was a sucker punch, you wuss. Fight me like a man."

Dimitri's mouth roared with a full-out belly laugh, which combined with the hurt I'd just experienced, pissed me off like hell. "Correction, that was an _unexpected_ hit. Works like a charm on your enemy, doesn't it? Try it some time."

I came at him at a dead run, using all of my weight and strength to plow in to his body—

I got knocked down, my ass hitting the padding with a thump. As I shuffled to my feet, cursing and rubbing the sore spot on my bottom, I was struck with the thought that I hadn't seen him move an inch when I'd charged him. "How'd you take me down?"

"Not me." His dark-pink, full lips twitched in to a small smile. Those bottomless eyes trailed down my body, over the private gym floor, and up a punching bag.

"Oh, my God," I V8'd my forehead. "A freeking _punching bag_ took me out?"

"You weren't paying attention."

"Yeah, you think," I scoffed. "I was too busy trying to take you out."

"Stupid move on your part."

Two fingers jammed into my solar plexus, right over my breast bone.

I bit my lip, not willing to give him the satisfaction of showing him that had really stung. "If you wanted…" I grunted, "…to touch my boobs…you could have just asked. Don't be so secretive."

His leg sailed through the air and connected with my shoulder, jerking my body to the left, causing me to stumble and nearly loose my footing.

"Stop doing that."

_Another hit._

"Doing what?"

_Another hit. _

"Stop!"

_Another hit._

"Hmm?"

_Another hit. _

By this time, my whole body felt like the punching bag that had knocked me down. My skin was covered in red spots and welts and forming black and blue bruises. As for the pain? Horrendous. Nearly unbearable.

But I was a fighter, not a quitter.

"Stop hitting me!"

"Make me."

Driven by some inner rage and hidden turmoil and buried secrets of my past, I hissed like a cobra and advanced on Dimitri, hopping on his back and taking him down to the floor from behind.

My mentor must have been surprised my by my attack, because otherwise, I wouldn't have been able to lay a finger on him. He was lethal in fighting, obviously having been trained by the best of the best his entire life. The military, as he'd told me, had shaped him up to be the man he was—the tough heart, hard exterior, and incredibly stubborn mind.

Rolling him over and straddling him and clamping a hand over his thick throat was about as hard as picking answers about him out of his private and guarded brain and heart, but I did it. And I was exceedingly successful.

One after another, fists and elbows and knees and legs flew, and as the strikes were thrown, I was dimly aware that I was in control…because I was the one who was doing all the hitting.

A powerful rush poured throughout my body, sparks igniting in my chest, triumph singing in my veins.

I ran the town.

The man in the masquerade mask didn't.

I was my own person.

He no longer owned me.

I was free of those chains and the torture and the sick love my captor had professed to me time and time again and the hours he'd beat me after I wouldn't repeat those three words back to him when he so desperately needed to hear them.

Suddenly, my past sucked back to me. So overwhelming that I was unable to differ it from the present and reality…and Dimitri.

All I knew was that my target was in front of me.

And I had to destroy it.

That little revelation had me hitting even harder than be for, throwing all of my weight into the strikes I was inflicting on the person beneath me. I gave it all I had, losing myself in the fight.

And got it right back.

Suddenly, I was flipped over and thrown on my back. A nanosecond later, a tremendous weight was slapped on me, pushing the breath from my lungs, immobilizing me.

"Get away from me!" I bared my teeth, growling.

"Easy there, girl." That voice was oddly familiar.

It wasn't distorted by an electronic device.

Somehow that calmed me, but still, I wasn't prepared to let my guard down.

When I opened my eyes, my vision was blurry, and all I saw was red from my rage.

Instinct had me lifting my head off the floor.

Fear had me smashing it against my opponent's nose and mouth.

There was a loud curse in a language I didn't understand, then something hard grabbed my chin and squeezed my features together. "Roza, listen to me." _Heavy breath._ "Everything is all right. You're with me. You're safe…now let me see you open those familiar, warm, beautiful brown eyes."

Slowly, no longer afraid, I peeled open my lids and blinked. "Dimitri?"

"Hi." He smiled, releasing his grip on my face and brushing his long fingers down my cheek, light as a feather. "Thank God, you're back. Was worried there for a second."

I blinked fiercely, everything around me turning blurry, but not from the panic attack I'd had.

That's when I felt the wetness on my throat and chest. I brushed my skin, then lifted my fingertips to the fluorescent lighting above. They were covered in deep crimson liquid.

My head snapped up and I stared at Dimitri.

It was his blood. The lower half of his face and neck were covered in it, dripping off and landing on me. But I didn't care in the slightest. The only thing that mattered was making sure he was okay.

"Oh, God," I studied the forming black eyes, the swollenness of his narrow nose. "I broke it…I'm so sorry."

"It's fine," he said gruffly, snapping to his feet.

"The hell it's not," I said as he grabbed my hand and hauled me up. "I hurt you."

Dimitri shrugged. "I've had worse done to me."

"I'm so sorry." Was all I said, because it was the only thing I could.

His smile was surprising, and even though there was blood running in to his perfect white teeth, he was incredibly beautiful to me. "That was a mean head but you gave me. Wasn't expecting it. You pack some power behind your hits."

I beamed. "Really?"

"Yes. And before that? It was hard to hold you down. You're as strong as you look. And I'm not just talking about the outside of you."

His words warmed me more than a day out in the blistering sun would, and I felt a thousand feet tall in his presence. "Only because you make me that way."

The instant those words left my mouth, I wanted to suck them back in like a vacuum cleaner. Dimitri stared at me, his dark eyes flashing with surprise and something else I couldn't put my finger on.

"You could not be more wrong about that," he finally said. "You are so much stronger than I am."

I gaped, giving him _the are-you-crazy_ look. "Um, not to be rude or anything, but have you seen yourself in the mirror? Your shoulders and chest are huge…twice the size of the average man. And your stomach is incredible…I wish mine were that hard and flat. And your legs? They look so powerful, all muscle, not an ounce of fat."

God, what the hell was I saying? Someone needed to tattoo IDIOT into my forehead, in big, black, bold letters.

Something odd passed over his battered face. "You are perfect just the way you are. And you want to know why you're twice as strong as I am?"

When I nodded, he continued, "Because of what you've been through. What you've survived. If I'd gone through half of the things you have endured in your life, I know that I wouldn't have come out of the situation as great as you are.

"I may have spent my whole life in the military, and gone through some of the hardest things I've ever done in my time there, but…it's nothing compared to you. You are the strongest woman I have met. And it's an honor to be protecting you."

I lifted my eyes to meet his solid stare. "Really? You believe that?"

Dimitri lifted a closed fist, pressed it over the left side of his chest. "With all my heart."

It wasn't that his gaze made me uncomfortable, it was just too intense. And I didn't feel worthy of his honesty, so I averted my eyes to the floor and cleared my throat. "Thanks. So, yeah, um, we should get you cleaned up."

Dimitri touched his face, as if just remembering the pain and blood again. "Right. Let's go."

When he headed for the doors, I said, "Wait. The bathrooms are that way."

"We're going home," he said. I felt a tinge of satisfaction at him having called my apartment home. "Safer there. If I had to, I could secure the area…but frankly, I think I'd scare the customers away looking like this."

"Let me at least get you a towel," I headed for the supply closet in the back of the private gym Dimitri had rented us, having deemed the public one, "too risky." According to him, being alone in here was much safer and easier for him to protect me

An opportunity to be in a closed pace alone with him? I didn't complain. Not at all.

"You afraid I might get blood on the seats and floor of your car?" Dimitri teased, winking.

I handed him the towel. "Her name is Honda. And no."

"No?" The God reincarnate mopped up the mess on his face, wincing only as he passed the cloth over his swollen nose.

"Nope. Dad's got blood remover in the trunk of his Bentley. A shovel and a metal bat, too. By the way, remember that next time you decide to be nasty with me."

He gave a throaty chuckle, then flinched.

My brows came down in concern. "We should really go to the hospital and get that checked out."

"Trained as a paramedic. I'll be fine." Dimitri gripped his nose, and twisted.

The sickening cracks made me nauseous as he broke his nose again, rearranging it back to the shape it was.

"There," he took a deep breath. "All better. Now, let's go home. We'll cook something to eat. You look hungry."

* * *

><p>"Sit." I ordered, pushing down on thick shoulders.<p>

"Whatever." Dimitri replied gruffly, parking it on the porcelain toilet seat. "Did this room just get ten times smaller? I feel as if I'm suffocating." he tugged on the collar of his T-shirt.

"You're such a baby," I rolled my eyes. "Now be still. Silence is golden."

Surprisingly, he listened to me as I grabbed a few fresh washcloths out from under the sink and dowsed them in warm water.

"This is going to sting like a bitch," I warned, bringing my hand up.

"Don't worry about being gentle with me," he squeezed his lids shut. "I can handle it."

"Good. I didn't peg you as a pansy." As I cleaned his face, there was no ignoring the static buzz in the bathroom...the one that had my body flushing with heat and kicking up my heartbeat until it was racing in my chest.

"You're touching me," Dimitri's voice was all gravel. "And…you're not having an attack."

The events that happened in the private gym swam in my head. And I thought, well, I'd been touching him all over then, hadn't I. But this was different. I wasn't in some kind of living-in-the-past, psychotic rage. I was just me.

And I was defiantly touching him now.

"You don't scare me," I scrubbed the dried blood of the edges of his perfect mouth, then wet the washcloth under the stream of water and wrung the towel out. "For some reason, when I touch you, I just feel…normal. It's hard to explain."

"I understand completely well."

"Hmmm," I murmured, dragging the cloth along the hard angles of his jaw. "Do you."

"Would you tell me about your nightmares?"

I was so thrown off by his out of the blue question that I lost rhythm, slipped, and poked him in the eye.

As he winced and blinked like crazy, water welling up, I threw the washcloth down and gripped his shoulder. "Shit. Are you okay? I'm so sorry."

"I'd feel better if you quit digging your nails into my skin..."

Immediately, I snatched my arm back and cursed.

Dimitri chuckled. "You don't want to answer my question, do you?"

"It's not that…it's just, I don't know. No one's ever asked me about it—well, no one except the shrinks. But I didn't want to talk with them about it."

"Do you want to talk with me about it? Because I'd love to listen."

As I hesitated, the God reincarnate slipped what I liked to call his "bodyguard" mask on, voiding his face of all emotions. "I understand that it's private. Wrong of me to ask. I apologize."

He made a move to get up, but I not so gently shoved him back down on the closed toilet seat. "Don't go." It was more of a command than a request, but I didn't care. I wanted him to stay.

Dimitri relaxed. "Look, you don't have to. I don't want to make you uncomfortable—"

"I do want to talk about it with you, but I'm afraid of what you might think of me afterwards." God, if he turned out to be as disgusted with me as I was with myself, I didn't know if I could deal.

"You're worried that I would judge you?"

Slowly, reluctantly, I nodded.

"Although I may have met you just recently and I don't know a whole lot about you, Rose, what I do know is that nothing, _absolutely nothing_ in this world could make me think less of you."

My heart exploded with happiness, and I had the absurd urge to burst in tears. "Thank you…" My voice cracked. I cleared my throat harshly, trying my best to keep it together. "No one has ever talked to me the way you have."

"And no one has ever taken care of me the way you have, so gentle and kind." Dimitri got to his feet. "So let me be the one to help you…for what it's worth."

He gestured to the toilet seat. "Sit. Please."

I did.

After grabbing a fresh, wet washcloth, he brought it to my throat and gently slid it down my skin, cleaning off his dried blood. The water was warm dripping down my neck, its color a rusty pink.

"I apologize for getting this all over you," Dimitri murmured, eyes fixated on his job. The strokes of the cloth were barely there, and the way he moved the washcloth against me held the grace and concentration of a painter creating a masterpiece with a blank canvas.

"It's all good," I laughed. "And I'm sorry, for you know, breaking your nose and giving you two black eyes."

"It's all good," Dimitri repeated my words, smiling. "I guess we're even now."

"Mmm-_hmm_."

I decided in that moment that I would tell him everything about the time I was kidnapped. Just not tonight. Tonight was not the right time.

After the towels were disposed of in the garbage after a promise of buying me two new packages of them, Dimitri went into the kitchen to fire up the stove and I followed him.

"I thought we might start with something easy tonight," he said.

"Hmmm?"

"Cooking. I'm going to teach you how to put the kitchen to proper use without burning it down to the ground."

Oh, I knew more than one way to put the kitchen to proper use, I thought, but it involved a whole lot of no clothing and honey on Dimitri's naked skin and me licking it off like a starving bear in the forest—

"You okay?" he asked, staring at me strangely.

"Yeah," Blushing from head to toe, I forced myself to go stand by him. I felt ashamed, like I was intruding on something private for thinking such dirty thoughts about him—

What the hell. Why was I lying to myself? I wanted Dimitri. So badly sometimes that my body ached for him. God, what I wouldn't do for a night under the sheets with him, the two of us in a passionate and wild tango match. And then afterwards? We'd cuddle up together in the bed, just warm skin against warm skin...

I sighed dreamily, wishing my fantasies were a reality.

"Are you listening to a word I'm saying?"

"Yup."

"What was the last thing that came out of my mouth?"

_I want you, Rose. _"Something about cooking."

His deep chuckle was music to my ears. "You are outrageous," As he walked over to the fridge and pulled something out of the freezer, I didn't mind the view of his backside. Dimitri turned around, handed me two T.V. dinners.

"Are you serious?"

He stared at me.

"You said simple…not _preschool._"

"As far as your knowledge in the kitchen? You are a toddler. Deal with it. We're starting with this."

"And we'll work our way up to food that doesn't taste like a soggy phonebook?"

"Of course."

"Fine. But you're getting the one with the meat loaf in it."

Thirty minutes later, I pulled the wrack out of the oven and was surprised to find the aroma made my stomach rumble. "Smells delicious."

"It taste better cooked in the oven rather than the microwave, doesn't it."

"You got that right," I said. "Oh, hey! _Yaay me!_ Right? Because I actually cooked something successfully—"

My foot caught on the corner of the kitchen rug, my body lurched forward and I nearly slammed my hip against the sharp edge of the countertop before Dimitri's arm snapped out and he helped steady me.

Unfortunately, he wasn't able to save the food. The two trays slid off the tin foil of the wrack and slapped against the floor.

"Shit!" I shouted.

Dimitri lips twitched as he bent down. "You spoke too soon."

* * *

><p>After the mess was cleaned up and I'd made ham sandwiches for us both, I brought out the plates, along with a package of chocolate chip cookies and two Sprites.<p>

"Here," I offered Dimitri his plate, which he gently took with a thank you. "How's your nose doing?"

"Could be better..."

Before he was finished talking, I hopped up and headed for the bathroom, grabbed the bottle of aspirin, then headed for the freezer.

"This will help," I handed him the bottle of pills and ice pack. "And again…I'm really sorry."

When I turned around to head to the recliner, Dimitri grabbed my hand and spun me around. Looking into my eyes, he squeezed my palm and rubbed his thumb over my fingers. "I know you are. And I forgive you, even though there isn't really anything to forgive. Please don't feel guilty about it. Just think of it as…a blessing in disguise."

"How so?"

"I was able to see how strong you are,"

The grin that played across my face was something I couldn't have stopped had I wanted to. "Translation: I now know that you could kick my ass."

"You're cocky, you know that?"

"I like to think of it as confident."

"Hmm. You're riding a thin line there."

"I know something I want to be riding." The words slipped out of my mouth like they'd stepped on a banana peel. A hand slapped to my mouth. "Sorry. No filter between the brain and the mouth."

There was a moment of awkward silence.

And another.

And another.

The quiet was so deafening that I wanted to scream.

But then Dimitri's chest quaked and he threw his head back and roared with laughter.

It took only a split second before I joined him. The feelings rushing through my body were wonderful, for the first time in a long time, I was myself. Free of the past and emotional torment and constant fear of being abducted again.

"You are so beautiful when you do that," he murmured, dark eyes trained on my mouth.

"Do what?"

"Laugh." he said simply. "You look so happy, full of joy, at peace, so…free."

For no apparent reason, the truth tumbled out of my lips, and I wasn't embarrassed by my words…no, not in the slightest. "I want to kiss you."

Something flashed across his eyes, and I gasped the instant he stood up and wrapped his arms around me. As he took me down to the couch and placed me in the cradle of his hips, I was still in complete shock, but I quickly snapped out of it, not wanting to miss the possibility of being with him.

His touch was more than I could ever dream of, making my whole body come alive, my skin scorching in delicious flames. I was shaking all over as I shoved my hands into his shoulder-length brown hair and fisted my fingers with the silky mane, waiting for him to make the first move.

Dimitri breathed heavily through his flared nostrils, and a second later, his gaze locked onto my lips, and he licked his own in anticipation.

He lowered his head down and pressed his mouth to mine, kissing me so hard.

I closed my lids and absorbed the feeling of him, that raw male power that seemed to radiate sex. The sensitive skin of his lips was tortuous with its satin softness and gentleness as it rested against mine, unmoving, as if he were savoring every second of this kiss too.

Dimitri's large hands slid up my thighs and gripped my waist, pushing me deeper down against his body.

I lost it. Completely.

No longer in control of my actions, I went wild, throwing my arms around his neck and kissing him with everything in me—body, mind, and soul. And when that contact wasn't enough to please me, I gripped the his broad back, running my hands up and down the thick cords of muscle there.

When Dimitri's tongue penetrated my mouth and darted around, tasting sweeter and more satisfying than any candy in the universe, a loud moan escaped my mouth and I shoved my chest against his, my breasts getting smashed in the process.

I didn't mind in the slightest, and apparently Dimitri didn't either, because what he did next shocked the hell out of me but also excited me like nothing else in the world.

He laid me down on the couch. Covered my body with his much larger one. Slid his palm under my shirt, up the heated skin of my stomach. Cupped my left breast over the black silk of my bra, squeezing firmly.

If I had been on fire before, I was in hell now. Because Dimitri's touch was too much, but not nearly enough at the same time. If that made any sense.

We broke apart for air. The sound of our desperate, loud breathing was the most erotic thing.

Dimitri met my eyes, his were black and wild and positively blazing. Unlike anything I had ever seen before. "Let me make love to you," he growled. The expression on his face was that of a lover…generous, hungry, full of promise. He looked like he was ready to pleasure me…and was really going to enjoy it.

In spite of the fact that I was a twenty-two year old virgin and completely inexperienced in that area, I felt so confident and beautiful. Screw that, I felt like the most desirable woman on the planet.

And that was all thanks to Dimitri and the way he was staring at me, waiting for my approval.

"Yes," My voice was husky, breathless. "Please—"

"Holy shit," Someone said. "Whoops. Um…well, this is awkward."

Both of our heads snapped up. Dimitri scrambled off me, pulled a gun from God knows where, and pointed the muzzle straight at the chest of…

"Christian. Jesus Christ. You scared me shitless." I arranged my shirt, smoothed my tangled hair down, tried not to appear all hot and bothered.

Christian's ice-blue eyes were wide. "Didn't mean to cock block, buddy, My bad—"

"We weren't doing anything," Dimitri said in a hard tone, shoving the firearm in his pants and covering it with his turtle neck.

"He's right," I stood up. "We were just looking for the remote. You know how it gets buried deep in those couch cushions. Oh, there it is. _Darn thing!_"

"Riiiiiiiight." Christian drawled. "Anyways, Lissa wanted me to bring this over. It's that cake you love that she bakes. That coffee cake with the fresh blueberries? Yeah, that one. Here you go."

As he handed me the pan, I asked, "How did you get in here?"

"I was wondering the same thing." Dimitri's eyes were sharp as they darted all over my small apartment, searching everything and not leaving a single detail out, as if he were expecting the Boogey man to jump out any time.

"Spare key." He dangled the brass in the air. "I wouldn't have use it, but you didn't answer the door when I knocked—"

Dimitri cursed in his mother tongue.

"—and yeah, um. Boy, have I mentioned how awkward this is? Well, I'm out. Lissa's waiting for me. She says she loves you. All right, sleep tight, guys. Night."

"Night."

The door shut and there was a little click as Christian locked it from the outside.

"I cannot believe I didn't hear him. If that had been anyone else…you could be dead right now." Dimitri said.

"You were distracted. It's understandable."

"Yeah, well, it's not going to happen again. I won't let it."

With that, he left the room shaking his head and muttering swear words under his breath. It was clear as day what he was feeling on the inside: disappoint. Disappointment with himself because he felt like he'd failed me.

Chest heavy and heart aching, I dragged my feet across the beige carpet and made it to my bed, wishing that Dimitri was there to hold me as I pulled the covers to my chin and rested my eyes.

He never came.

And I was left to my nightmares. This one was a particular favorite.

It was the one where I escaped.


	6. Chapter 6: Destroy Me

**Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to Richelle Mead.**

**The original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story are owned by Ms. Belikov. Please do not copy, reproduce, or translate without express written permission.**

* * *

><p><em>Splash.<em>

I awoke with a start, sitting straight up, gasping for air.

"What the hell?" I screamed at Dimitri, who stood there with a smirk, holding a silver empty bucket.

"You're five minutes late," The bodyguard informed me. "Which means you lost time in training. Let's go."

"Let me at least get dressed."

His bottomless eyes traveled up and down my PJ-clad body slowly, unabashedly. "That'll do just fine."

I scoffed. "Seriously?"

"Does it look as if I'm joking?"

"Can I take a shower?"

"What does it matter? You're going to get hot and sweaty anyways."

Automatically, my mind went to R-rated thoughts. "I'm going to brush my teeth."

"Fine," Reaching into the bucket, he dipped his fingers in and flicked droplets of ice-cold water on my face. "Hurry up."

Five minutes of speedy driving and some rough shoving later, we arrived at our own private space in the local gym.

"Start with your warm up stretches." Dimitri said.

I did as he said, enjoying the muscly view of his bulging arms as he pulled them behind his head.

"So, uh, about last night..." I paused, ready to dive into the awkward details, but the bodyguard waved his hand dismissively.

"Just forget about it. It's for the better."

"See. I'm not like you. I can't just pretend like something never happened." I grabbed my leg and pressed it to my hip, feeling the burn. "You know what, I'm just going to go out there and say it. Why did you kiss me back?"

"Rose..." The tone of his voice made me wince, I knew I was going to hate what he said next. "To be brutally honest, I don't know why I did what I did last night. But please, I am begging you, do not think anything of it. It was a one time thing. Never to happen again. And frankly, you're not my type."

I gulped, feeling my heart break more and more. Somehow, I managed a leveled voice when I spoke, "What do you mean I'm not your type?"

Dimitri arched an eyebrow. "You're a virgin, Rose. I like my women to have experience. And you, defiantly carry none. You just wouldn't satisfy me."

I stood there frozen, only able to stare as he jogged out of the gym and headed for the track.

* * *

><p>I made a sharp left turn and cursed when I heard a split. Glancing down at my purple cocktail dress, I growled and pressed my foot down on the gas petal. "It ripped!"<p>

"Slow down, Rose." Dimitri said tightly.

"Don't tell me how to drive! I know how to drive!"

"You're going ninety-five miles per hour on a forty-five miles per hour road. Slow down!" The bodyguard reached over, grabbed my leg, and lifted it over the break. He pressed down, slowing the vehicle to normal speed.

"Don't touch me! Let me go!"

The car swerved, and Dimitri leaned over to steady the wheel. "What the hell is your problem?" he asked as I pulled into the driveway of my parents suburban home.

"_You _are my problem, Dimitri! God, I just wish you'd go away so my problems would disappear."

Inside, I waved and gave a smile that seemed to suck what little energy I had left right out of me."Hey, Ma. Hey, Dad. Wassup?"

It was strange being here at my parents house for their anniversary, considering they'd filed for divorce just over a month ago. Abe claimed that he loved Janine dearly, but had never fallen in love with her. Which was a damn shame. My father owned my mother's heart, and he forever would.

However, something had changed with their connection lately, I'd noticed. In spite of keeping the divorce private and having to play the perfect couple until they officially announced the news, they seemed to be...different.

Maybe it was simply my imagination, but Janine just wouldn't stop smiling. I sensed the sincerity in that gesture. Not to mention Abe couldn't seem to keep his hands off her. Whether it was to refill her flute of champagne or to brush aside a stray strand of perfect red hair, my father was very touchy-feely with my mother tonight.

"That makes one of us," I muttered, downing the rest of my Gin and Tonic.

"What was that?" Dimitri asked beside me, looking gorgeous as ever in his sleek black suit.

God, I wanted him so bad. It actually hurt not to tackle him to the floor, smash my lips against his, and tear off all his clothes. What was wrong with me? I had never felt this way before. I was lusting after a man who clearly didn't want me, and was totally out of my league.

"Nothing." I said bitterly. "Abso-fucking-lutely nothing."

I stared at Abe and Janine. They reminded me of a pair of puppy-love struck teenagers.

Could my father be falling for my mother for the very first time...? Could he be rethinking the divorce...? Possibly regretting it...?

No.

Of course not.

This was all just an act for the party guests.

"You should really take it easy," The bodyguard nodded towards the fresh blueberry martini I was tipping off.

"It's your job to protect me. Not watch my alcohol intake. Now, my drunk ass is going to stumble on over there and flirt with some hot guys."

"Rose." he hissed, grabbing onto my arm firmly. "Don't act irrationally."

I mocked gasped. "How dare you ask me of such a thing, Mr. Belikov! To not act irrationally, would to not be Miss Hathaway. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some sloppy kisses to give out. I got my eye set on Blondie over there by the dining room table. He's got that real surfer-guy vibe thing going, you know. He's the complete opposite of you, and that's exactly what I need right now. Some good, non-Russian, American fun."

"Rose—"

"Ah-Ah." I tsked, pressing a finger to his soft lips. "Shhh now, little one. There's a cougar over there for you. Early fifties. The one with the curly auburn hair and sparkling yellow gown. Yeah, you see her. She's beautiful, ain't she? God, I love how radiant her skin is. Not to be a bitch or anything, but she looks like she's been around the block a few times. Just perfect for you, 'cause I know how much you love women with experience—"

Dimitri's lips crushed against mine, and I was stunned to the core. So shocked, in fact, that I sobered right up.

"What are you doing!" I said breathlessly when he broke the contact. I gave his chest a good shove when he didn't answer.

"Come here," The bodyguard said, grabbing my hand and leading me outside. He barked to a couple to get out of here and give us some privacy. They scrambled inside to join the party, fear and alarm etched in their eyes.

"I need to explain something to you. But first..." Dimitri cupped my face and pressed his mouth to mine in the softest, barely-there kiss.

"No...no." I moaned when he lifted his head. "Just a little bit more...please..."

Surprisingly, he didn't deny my pleading request. Moments later, we somehow ended up in a tangle of limbs on the tire swing hanging from the massive oak tree.

"We have to stop," The bodyguard murmured, hands trailing the insides of my thighs and back down.

"But I don't wanna." I pulled his full bottom lip between my teeth and tugged. It was strange not being afraid of bodily contact for the first time in nearly a year. I felt like a bird being released from a cage and into the sky. Freedom, release, and something much more intense coursed through my veins.

The rich chuckle that came out of his mouth was music to my ears, I absorbed the sound, indulging in it like a delicious piece of dark chocolate.

"I lied." Dimitri said.

I sat up and stared at him. "What do you mean?" I was afraid to hear the answer.

"Earlier. At the gym. When I said that you weren't my type." he tucked some hair behind my ear. "You are completely my type. You are perfect for me."

I frowned. "Why would you say that? I'm not perfect...for anyone. Not even myself. I can't even stand to look at my reflection in the mirror sometimes. I don't know, it's hard to explain. I'm just...disgusting."

"Not disgusting," His dark eyes grew sad. "Just broken. You need to be fixed."

"You got any glue?" I laughed humorlessly. "'Cause it's going to take a lot to fix all of this."

"Not true." Dimitri said, moving his legs back and fourth to rock the tire swing gently. "You're more incredible than you think you are. You don't see yourself the way other people do."

I readjusted my weight to fit more comfortably in his lap. "And how do you see me, Comrade?"

"The complete opposite of the way you see yourself."

"I don't know if that's a good or bad thing." I said truthfully.

"It's both." The bodyguard said plainly.

I frowned again, not entirely satisfied with that answer, but Dimitri didn't look as if he was ready to explain, so I let it go.

"Why did you become a bodyguard?" I asked randomly.

He stared at me, then gave a small shrug. "For a lot of reasons. Going to the army after I graduated high school provided me with a college education that my family or I couldn't afford. Which even if my mother could, I wouldn't ask her to give me that sort of money. She works hard and does the best she can for me. That's more than I can ask for." he paused. "Anyways, I went to the army so I could get a degree. It was more than I ever expected, and had I known what I was getting myself into, I would have backed out while I had the chance."

"What kind of stuff did you get yourself into?" I asked, trying to get him to talk more about himself. It was so rare—nearly nonexistent—when he did.

"War. Battles. And more war."

I gasped. "You went to war?"

"Did more than that." Dimitri said gruffly. "I led everyone through it. I gave commands, they listened. I told them to fight, they did. I told them to shoot, they pulled the trigger."

"Sounds pretty awesome."

"It's not. At all." Those bottomless eyes grew distant. "I lost my buddy out on the field. His name was Ivan. He bled to death in my arms. It was my fault, too. If I hadn't been distracted..." he shook his head.

"Oh, my God." I said, feeling guilty. "I'm so sorry—"

"It's the past." he cut me off. "It doesn't matter. Nothing is going to change it."

"What distracted you?"

"A woman," Abruptly, he smiled, and I felt a pang of raging jealousy. "Her name's Tasha."

I fought the urge to get up and walk away to try and escape the hurt from knowing he'd been with another woman. I mean, it shouldn't come as a big surprise. The man was too good looking for his own good.

"Yeah? I bet she's really beautiful." I didn't miss the sharp edge to my words.

"She _was _very beautiful. It's a shame that she was killed."

I gulped hard. "How...How did she die?"

"Explosive. Anyways, the reason why I became a bodyguard is simple. I wanted out of that life I was living, there was too much death and sadness, and I could only handle so much of it. But not only that, I still wanted to help people in need. To protect them from harm. So that's why I chose this profession."

"Wow, I never thought of it that way." I murmured. "I just assumed you loved being a dickhead 100% of the time."

To my utter surprise, Dimitri chuckled and offered me the smallest smile, just the bare twist of his lips. "You say the nicest things. And I like to think of it as only 99% of the time."

"99.9%."

"Fine," he said. "I'll take what I can get. So, what's your story?"

I laid my head against his chest, and shockingly, he allowed it to stay there. "You've already read my book. You know everything that's in it."

"Not true," The bodyguard said. "I've only looked at the cover. I want to know what's on the inside."

His words didn't sound sexual at all, and I would have laughed if anyone else had said them, but there was something entirely different about Dimitri. He was serious, and he was honest— he merely wanted to get to know me better. This little fact had me smiling and blushing. Thank God for the dark so he wasn't able to see it.

"I, uh, don't know. I would marry Chris Tucker in a heartbeat—"

"We've established that already."

"I love turtles."

"Raphael is at home."

"Oh, yeah. Oh, hey! Why did you get him for me?" I said curiously. "I don't believe I've ever asked you that."

He shrugged, face shifting with cautiousness. "Wanted to make you happy. Even if it was just for a moment."

"Why would you care about my happiness?" __I'm just a job to you___,_ was left unsaid but understood.

"Because you deserve it more than anybody I know, and will ever know. That's why, Roza."

_"___Roza?___"_

He swore in his native Siberian tongue. The swinging picked up pace, like he was angry at himself for the slip of tongue. "It's your name in Russian. No big deal."

I laughed harshly. "See, this is what I'm talking about. I just don't get you some times."

Dimitri arched an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

Angrily, I climbed out of his lap, cursing from hell to back when the heel of my pumps caught on a thick root in the ground and I rolled my ankle.

The bodyguard was up in a flash. "Are you okay?"

"No, I'm not okay!" Feeling stupid, but too mad to really care what I looked like, I ripped off both my heels and stalked towards my Honda, limping the entire way. "I just hurt my ankle really bad, my knees are scraped, I'm sweating bullets now, and I think I'm falling in love with you."

I knew he stopped behind me because the heavy footsteps went silent.

"Too much for you to handle?" I gave a careless glance over my shoulder. "Yeah, I thought so."

Digging through my clutch, I found the keys and jabbed them into the lock. Four unsuccessful attempts later, it went where it was supposed to and I ripped open the door.

"You only __think___._" Dimitri said tightly, blocking my way into the car. "You're not really falling in love with me. It's not real. Once this is all over, once I find that man who hurt you and bring him to justice, and I've packed up my bags and I'm far away from you, your feelings will fade. You'll forget about me."

I scowled. "I know what I'm feeling, okay? Don't try to make it out like I'm imagining all of this."

"But you are," His arm shot out when I tried to maneuver around him. "I'm a hero to you, Rose. Your protector. I make you feel safe. You're afraid that that man is going to come back and take you away again. Of course you'd get attached to me, you're vulnerable. You think you're the first one to feel this way towards me? No. It happens with all of my female clients."

I narrowed my eyes, battling the urge to punch him in the face. "Then why the hell did you kiss me tonight? Huh? What are you trying to prove? You know what, never mind. I don't want to hear your bullshit answer. Get the fuck away from me."

"You're not driving." Dimitri said, taking a step forward, menacingly towering over me from his staggering height.

"The hell I'm not! You can't tell me what to do! This is my car!" I shoved against his chest, but he didn't move an inch. "Dimitri! Goddamn it! I said move!"

__POP. __

__POP. __

__POP.__

_ _POP.__

The sound rang loud in the air, piercing my ears. My heart pounded as Dimitri slammed me against the car and stood in front of me, using his body as a shield to protect me from the flying bullets.

The bodyguard swore nastily in Russian. "Damn fireworks."

The air came out of my lungs in a rush. "What?" I looked across the street and discovered Abe setting off fireworks for Janine and his friends. As they started going crazy, screaming and whistling, shooting brilliant, beautiful colors into the black sky, my father went over to my mother and lit her a sparkler. She accepted it, positively beaming.

"Jesus Christ." I said. "I think I need a change of underwear, you know what I'm saying?"

* * *

><p>"You're...a fucking...asshole...and I hate you...stupid Russian!" I furiously kicked the punching bag, showing no mercy. "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"<p>

"Are you done yet?" Dimitri asked from his usual place against the wall, crossing his arms.

I straightened my body and caught the towel he threw me. "Yeah, I suppose so." I wiped the sweat from my forehead as I ripped the taped on picture of the bodyguards face from the punching bag.

"Did that help?" he gestured to the crumpled paper in the trash.

"You bet your sweet as it did." I said. "Next one that's going up there...BAM!...Adrian's!"

"I don't think so," Adrian gave a belly laugh. "It would hurt me to see you beating something so beautiful, such as my face, like that. Even if it's just a photo. It'd still sting me right here..." he rubbed the left side of his chest, over his heart. "I won't allow it."

"Fine." I clucked my tongue. "Then Janine's face."

"I didn't know you had beef with yo' mamma." Adrian said as the three of us headed outside into the pouring rain.

"I don't. Not really." I chewed my cheek, thinking. "Except for this one time, she wouldn't let me go to this bachelor party that my friend in college was throwing. I didn't talk to her until, like, dinner time, when I asked her to make my favorite pie."

"What a bummer." Adrian hummed, pulling the lapels of his gray coat closer together.

"It truly was. I missed out on the show of a life time. It's okay, though. I'm over it now. I know I'll go to Thunder Down Under one day and get a sexy lap dance from a hot Australian male stripper."

"Sounds like a plan," he said. "Well, minus the male part. And the Thunder Down Under. You've got all of that right here, baby. And it's free. Hell, I might even through in an accent for you. How does that sound?"

"Like something I don't want to happen. Now or never."

"You're lying." Adrian said as we did our warm up stretches on the starting line of the track.

"No, I'm not."

"I find that hard to believe. But whatevv's." he winked. "You couldn't handle all of this anyways."

"No, honey. You couldn't handle all of this." I grinned. "Yeah, I've seen you staring at my chest..._a lot._ They're real, and they're absolutely fantastic. And..." I crouched down. "You'll never, ever get to see them."

I lunged forward gracefully, sprinting down the track like it was what I was born to do. The first few weeks of training with Dimitri had been brutal, and it still was, but I managed to deal with the pain and turn it around, using it to my advantage. Each time I felt the sting in my thighs and the burning in my calves and feet, I pushed myself to go even further. Running was something I loved, I'd discovered. It made me feel alive, free, powerful, almost as if I was flying. I loved the way the wind blew my hair around, and the cold bit my exposed skin, and the feel of rain kissing my cheeks. This is what I was made to do. This was my moment.

I crossed the finish line in a blur, beating Adrian for the very first time. "In your face! In your face!" I dropped to muddy ground, exhausted. "Man, victory tastes sweet." I panted.

Adrian dropped to his knees and fell forward, landing on top of me, laughing.

I laughed with him, feeling happier than I had in a long time. Too tired to push him off, I let my head swing back and rest against the mud. The dirt soaked into my locks, clothes, and skin, staining them with its icky dark brown color.

"Good timing, Hathaway." Dimitri said, striding up to us. His tone didn't sound too particularly pleased, and neither did his stoic face as he grabbed Adrian's outstretched palm and roughly hauled the man to his feet. He did the same with me, only more gentle.

"Your shift is over." Dimitri told Adrian. "You're off for the day. Go shower and head home."

"I will...only if you promise not to think of me naked while I'm rinsing up. You know that's when I'm most defenseless."

Dimitri disdainfully rolled his eyes and playfully gave Adrian a leather-boot-to-the-ass treatment, which got the man yelping and jogging to the locker rooms.

* * *

><p>He wrapped his fingers around my throat, squeezing.<p>

I coughed violently and thrashed against him, trying to tear his hands away from my skin. "Please...don't..."

He slowly sucked the life out of me and consumed it, taking everything away from me. The sinister smile that twisted his lips tore me apart.

"No!" My dry lips moved, but made no sound. "It can't be you! No! Not you."

I felt wetness on my skin, covering me, and knew it was my blood.

As my vision grew blurry, I shifted my eyes away from him on top of me and stared at the ceiling.

Lissa was an angel, her eyes glossy with tears. Her pale hand reached for me, but she pulled back at the last moment.

"Why are you crying?" The question floated in my head. I hope she understood.

"You stupid, stupid girl..." Lissa said softly. "Why couldn't you see? He's standing right in front of you. Open your eyes...and you'll find who did this to you..."

"Do it, Rose. Before it's too late..." Janine appeared beside my friend as a glowing apparition. "Your time is running out. He's right there...he's right there...you can see him..."

My body jerked and my eyes snapped open. A blur of people buzzed around me like a swarm of bees. They were silent, though their mouths moved. Why couldn't I hear them?

My body jerked again, and I turned my eyes to stare at a man in a white coat, a doctor. He slammed things to my chest, and the shocks stabbed each of my limbs.

"She's flat-lining! Again!"

The chaos only got worse then. It was all fuzzy, and the bright lights assaulted my eyes, so I closed my lids and waited for it all to be over.

I jacked forward as I was hit again in the chest.

The doctor whistled through his teeth. "Heartbeat is stable. Clear out. Everyone clear out!"

"She needs me!" A deep, accented voice bellowed.

I recognized it immediately, and I sat straight up in the hospital bed. "Dimitri?"

Dimitri's dark eyes snapped over to me, and with new found strength, he shoved—Oh, God—Abe aside. My father smashed against the wall and he fell into a pile on the floor.

The bodyguard came towards me, but was stopped by several nurses and two security guards.

"Let him go!" I yelled, but immediately regretted it the instant the incredible pain shot up my throat. Leaning over, I coughed horribly, spitting blood out onto the white sheets.

I had to be dreaming. This was all a bad nightmare I was going to wake up from, screaming, kicking, and sweating. I'd catch my breath, turn on the lights and make sure the man wasn't in my room, then make a useless attempt to kick back into the dark arms of oblivion.

But why was my gut instinct telling me that I _actually_ was very much awake?

They released Dimitri and he lunged for me, embracing me like his life depended on it. I wrapped my arms around him, needing the comfort and contact of another human being. Especially him. He smelled so wonderful and masculine. It briefly put me in a familiar, tranquil place.

I looked back at the doctor. "Why am I coughing up blood?"

I felt Dimitri shake his head. "I'll explain everything once you calm down-"

"Screw that!" A sob escaped my throat. The pain in my neck was out of this world, worse than if my flesh was roaring in flames. "Oh, no. He was there, wasn't he? In my bedroom. On top of me. Choking me. The man was there, Dimitri! In my home! How did he get in-"

The heart machine started to beep like crazy, and the doctor barked for me to calm down and warned that if I didn't, he'd have to roll that awful machine in again.

"Rosemarie, have you had any history of mental illness?" The doctor asked, all but pushing every nurse out of the room. He shut the door so we could have quiet and privacy.

"Uhhh..." My voice sounded so weird, it was deep, husky, scratchy, like sandpaper. I worked on my breathing, because that proved to be a very difficult task. "No, I don't. Why do you ask?"

"You have a severely damaged windpipe, Rosemarie. It collapsed, and I had to perform emergency surgery to get you breathing again. Now, that's why you may be in a lot of pain right now. And no, it's not going to get any better anytime soon. It'll take weeks, even months for it to heal. That's why you have to be extremely careful with that area."

Dread and absolute bone-chilling fear froze my body to the spot. "He was in my room! The man who kidnapped me was in my room! I saw him!"

The doctor and Dimitri shared looks. Dimitri nodded.

"The reasons you are coughing up blood, and those severe bruises on your neck, they're caused by an extended period of time of suffocation."

My heart dropped into my stomach. My captor had found me. He'd finally found me.

It was all over now.

No way I could escape him.

__You can run, but you can't hide from me...__My captor's voice pounded in my ears. __Because if you do, I will chase you, and I will find you...__

"What happened, Rosemarie? Back there in your room?"

"I told you!" I coughed up more blood. Dimitri wiped my mouth with a Kleenex. "H-h-h-h...he laid on top of me. I fought him. Tried to get him off of me. But he was too heavy, and too strong. I felt his hands go around my throat and squeeze so hard. Then I felt the excruciating pain. And, yeah. That's all I remember. Everything else is black." I kept my hallucinations about my mother and Lissa to myself. I didn't want them throwing me on a one-way plane to Crazyville.

The doctor cleared his throat. "The wounds on your neck, Ms. Hathaway, from what I've observed and the police have observed, are self-inflicted."

I stared at him, shocked. "You...you think I did this to myself?"

"Ms. Hathaway, I'm going to be blunt and honest here, because that's how I am." The doctor paused, face solidly solemn. "All of the evidence is there. The way the bruises are shaped, the way they wrap around your neck, the blood on your hands and underneath your finger nails. There's no way someone else could have caused these injuries."

"That's just not possible!" I said. My body shook from head to toe and I worked to control myself. "I told you. The man was in my room. He's the one who hurt me-"

"It was a nightmare," Dimitri interrupted. "A terrible, vivid nightmare."

The doctor nodded in agreement. "You must have acted out the events in your dream yourself. It's extremely rare, but it has occurred before in patients with traumatic pasts. That's the only possible explanation." he said. "Mr. Belikov rushed you here in a paralyzed state. Your eyes were rolled back into your head. You weren't breathing. Your heart started to fail. You're lucky he was there. He saved your life."

I stared around, feeling like I was on a different planet. Why wasn't anyone believing me? I was telling the truth! "You guys make me sound crazy. You...never mind. I'm wasting my breath. When can I get out of here?"

An hour later, I'd finished filling out the AMA form and was on the way home in the backseat of my parents SUV.

Dimitri reached over and grabbed my hand. Numbly, I ripped it away. "Please...don't touch me." I whispered hoarsely. "Why are you even here?"

I felt betrayed by everyone I knew and cared for. No one believed me. They all stared at me with haunted, cautious eyes, like I was a wild animal that might freak out and start tearing out throats unexpectedly. They were strangers to me. I'd lost all faith that I'd ever get better and over my ordeal. If I didn't have the support and trust of what little family and friends I had left, then what did I have? Nothing.

What hurt the most was Dimitri believing I'd lied. For some incredibly absurd reason, I always felt like no matter what, I could go to him, and he'd understand me. He'd have my back. Evidently, that wasn't the case here.

The bodyguard stared at me, eyes for full of sorrow.

"I want you gone." I told him. "Now."


	7. Authors note

Hey, guys!

I wrote this because I hate to leave you guys hanging, and that's what I feel I'm doing right now. I haven't had the time nor patience to sit down and write right now. It's been a rough week. A couple of days of ago, a family member had been rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery and I've been sleeping and spending all of my time in the hospital with them, waiting and praying for their full recovery. So, I hope you understand that this is the reason for me being absent on Fanfiction. I also have a horrible case of writers block, and to make matters worse, I was attacked by a cat a few nights ago and have developed a pretty serious infection, so I'm heading back into the hospital again tonight :P This is also another reason I haven't been able to write, my hand is very swollen and it's painful to move it. And one more thing, I'm currently job hunting and going on a ton of interviews - another time consumer.

I do have the majority of the next chapters for Saving Me, Cop an Attitude, and Kill or be Killed written, but my heart is not in it and I don't want to whip you guys up a crappy chapter. You guys deserve long, decent updates, and that's what I want to give you. J I hope all of you can understand my situation right now and know that I'm working my hardest to keep updating frequently. I'm just going down a bumpy road right now, and I'm praying everything will get better soon so I can get back into the swing of things. Thank you all for taking the time to read this!

~Ms. Belikov


	8. Chapter 7: Lose Me

**A/N:**

Hey, guys!

I miss you all so much! I've felt lost being away from the computer and not being able to write at all. But I'm back! :D And I want to thank you all for the get well wishes for me and my family. My hand healed right up! Also, my family member is out of the hospital and on his way to a full recovery! I finally feel back into my game and I can't wait to start posting chapters frequently again!

Again, thank you all so much! I sincerely hope you enjoy this chapter!

**~Bree**

* * *

><p><strong>Previously on Saving Me...<strong>

_"I told you!" I coughed up more blood. Dimitri wiped my mouth with a Kleenex. "H-h-h-h...he laid on top of me. I fought him. Tried to get him off of me. But he was too heavy, and too strong. I felt his hands go around my throat and squeeze so hard. Then I felt the excruciating pain. And, yeah. That's all I remember. Everything else is black." I kept my hallucinations about my mother and Lissa to myself. I didn't want them throwing me on a one-way plane to Crazyville._

_The doctor cleared his throat. "The wounds on your neck, Ms. Hathaway...from what I've observed and the police have observed, are self-inflicted."_

_I stared at him, shocked. "You...you think I did this to myself?"_

_"Ms. Hathaway, I'm going to be blunt and honest here, because that's how I am." The doctor paused, face solidly solemn. "All of the evidence is there. The way the bruises are shaped, the way they wrap around your neck, the blood on your hands and underneath your finger nails. There's no way someone else could have caused these injuries."_

_"That's just not possible!" I said. My body shook from head to toe and I worked to control myself. "I told you. The man was in my room. He's the one who hurt me-"_

_"It was a nightmare," Dimitri interrupted. "A terrible, vivid nightmare."_

_The doctor nodded in agreement. "You must have acted out the events in your dream yourself. It's extremely rare, but it has occurred before in patients with traumatic pasts. That's the only possible explanation." he said. "Mr. Belikov rushed you here in a paralyzed state. Your eyes were rolled back into your head. You weren't breathing. Your heart started to fail. You're lucky he was there. He saved your life."_

_I stared around, feeling like I was on a different planet. Why wasn't anyone believing me? I was telling the truth! "You guys make me sound crazy. You...never mind. I'm wasting my breath. When can I get out of here?"_

_An hour later, I'd finished filling out the AMA form and was on the way home in the backseat of my parents SUV._

_Dimitri reached over and grabbed my hand. Numbly, I ripped it away. "Please...don't touch me." I whispered hoarsely. "Why are you even here?"_

_I felt betrayed by everyone I knew and cared for. No one believed me. They all stared at me with haunted, cautious eyes, like I was a wild animal that might freak out and start tearing out throats unexpectedly. They were strangers to me. I'd lost all faith that I'd ever get better and over my ordeal. If I didn't have the support and trust of what little family and friends I had left, then what did I have? Nothing._

_What hurt the most was Dimitri believing I'd lied. For some incredibly absurd reason, I always felt like no matter what, I could go to him, and he'd understand me. He'd have my back. Evidently, that wasn't the case here._

_The bodyguard stared at me, eyes for full of sorrow._

_"I want you gone." I told him. "Now."_

* * *

><p><strong>RPOV:<strong>

"You don't mean that," Dimitri said, dark eyes burning with intensity.

I refused to give him the satisfaction of looking at him.

"You can hate me all you want," he said, "but I'm still your bodyguard and I will protect you until my job is finished."

"Your job _is_ finished," I stared out the SUV's window, watching the passing cars and buildings in a numb state.

"It is not finished until I found the man who did this to you and lock him up for life."

"Stop trying to be a hero," I felt hot tears sting my eyes and the painful lump form in my throat. "I can't be saved."

"You keep telling yourself that, and you won't be able to."

"I'm done, Dimitri." I murmured, mentally and physically exhausted. "I'm done."

"With what?"

"With my life, my friends, my family. _You. _I'm done with everything." I rubbed my raw throat and the sore bruises on it. "I'm my own person, and I'm so done with letting people treat me like crap. They underestimate me. Feel bad for me. Think I can't handle anything on my own because of what I've been through. Fuck that. I'm going to prove the world wrong. And the first thing I'm going to do right, is let you go."

The SUV came to a stop in front of my parents house. Abe and Janine exited the vehicle, and I jumped out immediately, heading for my Honda.

"Rosemarie," My father said chidingly. "You're not in the proper condition to be driving."

I promptly flipped him off. "Fuck you, dad. From now on out, I'm going to do what I want to do, and no one is going to stop me."

Abe ushered Janine inside the house and came at me, eyes annoyingly concerned. His whole demeanor was cautious, as if I was some wild animal he was about to tame.

Rage fueled me to the maximum. "How dare you!" I screamed. My fist swung through the air and connected with his cheek. The unexpected blow knocked him to the ground, and bewilderment flooded his face. "I'm your daughter, goddamn it! Not a stranger! So stop treating me like one!"

I went for a second hit, but was tackled to the ground by Dimitri. He flipped me around and covered my body with his own. "Stop it, Rose! Get a hold of yourself. This isn't you."

"Get the fuck off me," I grunted, then brought my knee up and slammed it against his groin. The bodyguard, completely unprepared for the impact and the sheer power and rage I packed behind it, groaned in pain and rolled over, clutching the area.

Climbing to my feet, I tasted blood on my tongue and realized my throat injuries had gotten messed up in the struggle, the stitches ripped open. Funny, I hadn't even felt a thing. Anger overshadowed every emotion in my body, including pain.

"You're the only one who believed in me when everyone doubted me!" I screamed at my father, kicking him while he was down. "When will you realize that the man was in my room! I swear! I would never lie about something like that..."

"Rose," Abe coughed viciously. It hurt me to see him struggle, but I wasn't going to help. Why should I? He didn't help me when I needed it most—right now. "You're not well right now, sweetie. You can get better, though. You just need a doctor, someone who's trained in dealing—"

"You honestly think I'm crazy, don't you?" I laughed harshly, humorlessly.

I grabbed the keys and ran to my car. Inside, I shoved the key into the ignition and locked all of the doors. The engine roared to life, and I shot a glance over my shoulder to discover Abe and Dimitri on their feet, sprinting towards the vehicle.

My foot slammed down on the gas petal. I sped off before they could catch me.

* * *

><p>The cars tires screeched as it came to an abrupt stop. I threw the door open and ran towards the lake, not bothering to lock up the Honda.<p>

The sand felt wonderful and warm under my toes, and I laughed with satisfaction. The water was completely still, as if sleeping. It was dark outside, making the the color of it a wonderful, dangerous black color.

I sensed him there before I heard or saw him.

"Why'd you follow me here?" I asked without turning around.

"You're a maniacal driver," Mason said. "It was hard not to spot you racing down my driveway."

I chuckled. "This is my favorite spot. What can I say?"

"This is_ our_ spot," he murmured sadly. "Don't you remember? We used to come here all the time. When we were happy."

I smiled sadly, feeling my eyes gloss over with tears. "You'd pack a big lunch, with milk and peanut butter cookies."

"Your favorite," Mason said, drawing closer. "I'd lay you down on the sand, kiss you until you told me to stop."

I giggled, wiggling my toes. "Rub my feet,"

"And rub your perfect feet," he said.

I turned around and my heart warmed instantly. With his fire-red hair, hazel eyes, dust of freckles, casual torn jeans, and sandals, Mason was beautiful and heartbreakingly familiar to me. He was a man that made me happy, no matter the circumstances. One that always stood by me. If we were fighting an army, he'd put me behind his back, shielding me from the danger.

And that was the reason he was the first man I'd fallen in love with. That seemed like forever ago, in our freshman year, before I'd been kidnapped and changed for the rest of my life.

"Hi," I said shyly.

"Hi." his smiled lit up the whole night.

"Want to go for a dip?"

"Last one with their head dunked loses!"

It was a race as we stripped off our clothes and laughed. Once naked, we ran for the lake, playfully pushing the other to get ahead.

"Damn, boy!" I yelled. "You need a tan! Look at that white ass. It's blinding me!"

"If you can see my ass, then that means I'm winning!" Mason sang. "So kiss it!"

We crashed in the water, making large waves, and tons of noise. As one, we both dove in and emerged form the black water, smiling like crazy.

"Tie!"

"Tie!"

Our laughter spilled through the silent night.

Mason and I floated in the lake, water up to the base of our necks.

I stared into his eyes and blushed."You're naked."

"Just being the way God made me," Mason said. "Ain't ashamed of anything I got at all."

My eyes snapped closed. "Ashford! Warn me next time you go flashing your danger zone!"

"I'm sawree," he sounded anything but. "The temperature is wonderful, isn't it?"

"With how small your junk is, I was praying it was caused by the freezing water so you had an excuse."

Mason dipped down, sucked some water into his mouth, and spit the stuff at my face in a thin, streaming line.

"Mase!" I scolded, then laughed and tackled him down into the lake, ducking him under for a couple of seconds.

With a dramatic, playful roar, he emerged and wrapped his arms around me, immobilizing me.

"Let me go," I grunted.

"Not until you say uncle," he grinned brilliantly.

"I'd rather die than say uncle!"

"Fine." he said. "I'll just have to kiss it out of you..."

Mason's lips captured mine, and I didn't bother putting up a pretense of fighting. Instead, I relaxed and enjoyed the feeling of his soft, wet, fleshy body against mine. It was shockingly intimate, almost like having sex, though none of our body parts did the whole meet-and-greet thing.

Once he realized I'd relaxed, Mason slid his broad hands to my hips and gripped. His kiss drove me crazy—not with desire, but with energy. I felt like the most beautiful woman in the world with the way he treated me.

Mason pulled back, chest heaving. "Why don't you want me?"

"I do want you." I said, confused by his random question. The water sloshed as I wiped my hands over the skin of my face.

"Not the way I want you," his hazel eyes suddenly grew sad. "I could love you so good, Rose. I could make you the most satisfied woman. I could give you whatever you wanted. But, I won't. Want to know why?"

My gut twisted with unease. Something was wrong. _Really_ wrong. I found my head nodding anyways.

"Because you'll never love me!" Mason said in a bone-chilling, distorted face. He lunged forward, wrapped his hands around my throat, and began to choke the life out of me.

"No! Please!" My mouth moved, making no sounds. "Why? I thought you loved me!"

Mason wore the lime-green and purple masquerade mask. "I do love you!" he screamed to the heavens and back, then shoved me under the oblivion of the lake. Everything went black. "That's why I have to kill you..."

I awoke with a start, shooting straight up and banging my head against the roof of my Honda. An obnoxious, loud horn coming from a diesel truck on the nearby highway made me groan.

Fumbling for the handle, I opened the door and all but fell on my ass. Recovering quickly, I leaned in the car and searched for my cellphone. Once I did, I speed dialed the one person in the world that would understand me, believe me.

"Rose!"

"Lissa? Hey, how's it hanging?" I mumbled incoherently. I had spent the whole night at a local dive and I had just woken up with a mad hangover. That combination was a disaster on Rose Hathaway.

"ROSE! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN! I'VE BEEN TRYING TO CALL YOU ALL NIGHT-"

With a cry of annoyance, I slammed the device shut and rubbed my pounding temples. I looked up to the sky and had to immediately glance down from the nausea that shot through me.

The phone rung non-stop, and I had the urge to throw the thing down and stomp on it. Instead, I took a deep breath and flipped it open.

"EVERYONE IS LOOKING FOR YOU! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?"

"LISSA!" I boomed, capturing the attention of the people around me.

"What're you looking at?" I snapped at a teenage girl that continued to stare, then gave her the bird. "Be on your way!"

She looked down to the ground and scurried off. Man, scaring the shit out of people was fun.

"Rose? Rose? Rose? Are you okay, Rose?"

"I'm fine, but if you don't lower your voice, I'm hanging up. " I said. "I'm coming home right now."

I could just imagine the small frown in her forehead and her jade-green eyes bulging in shock. "You are?"

"Yep," I glanced at my non-existent watch, then growled in frustration. "Hey, you're not going to believe this. I know who my captor is."

I heard Lissa's sharp intake of breath. "What?" She sounded as if she'd been sucker punched. "Who is it?"

I hopped in my car and downed the rest of the bottle of Jack. Sadly, there was only a few drops left. Nonetheless, the burn still felt euphoric in my belly.

"Rose? Goddamn it! Talk to me!"

I started the car, and grinned like the free woman I was. "It's Mason."

* * *

><p>I whipped my Honda into a space at the apartment complex, then promptly jumped out and slammed the door shut.<p>

Just at that moment, Lissa came barreling out of her and Christian's apartment. It was a relief and a comfort to see my best friends face.

"ROSE!" Lissa screamed to the heavens and back as she came running straight at me. I laughed as I did the same thing. It reminded me of a dramatic movie, where two people on the beach see each other for the first time in years and the world goes by in slow motion as they run to meet each other at middle point.

My best friend—I swear—tackled me to the ground.

"Man," I grunted as she crushed me in a fierce hug. "I didn't know you packed that kind of strength in you, Liss. You ever think about trying out for NFL?"

"I'm so glad you're okay," Lissa kissed both of my cheeks before immobilizing me in an embrace again. "God, I was so worried about you. I couldn't even eat. Neither could Christian. Or Oscar, for that matter."

"Wow, that demonic cat's worried for me? I'm shocked, and a bit flattered." Truly, I was. If that Hell Spawn of a cat cared for me, then I had hope that one day the world would live as one, where people indeed made love instead of war.

Just at that moment, Christian exited the house and behind him, stood a menacing—and very pissed off—Dimitri. He was like a hard pat on a very fresh, blaring red sunburn, awakening the pain and making it ten times worse. Like my father and my mother, he hadn't believed a word I'd said about that night. He'd looked at me with the same distance he would a stranger walking down the street. Actually, no. I wasn't lucky enough to get that blank look. Instead, the bodyguard had given me the you've-clearly-lost-your-mind-and-you-need-professinal-help look.

I met his blazing glare with my own unwavering one. Oh, he could so kiss me ass. I was done backing down.

As far as I was concerned, that little trip to the hospital—and my supposed self-inflicted injuries and my hallucination of my captor breaking into my bedroom in the middle of my night—had been a wake up call. A bucket of ice-cold water being dumped on my head. A stinging slap to the face.

A reality check.

Life was short, and I was wasting what tiny amount of time I had on this earth by constantly looking over my shoulder. Ever since the escape from my captors cabin in the woods six months ago, I'd been so scared of everything, of everyone. I missed my old fiery self, the one that was fearless and swore like there was no tomorrow. I was ready to get that true Rose back, and it was time I took life by the balls and regained control of my life again. And in order to do that, I had to deal with Dimitri.

But first, Lissa. I could sense she was dying to know about Mason and I had every intention of explaining it to her.

I followed my best friend into her and Christian's apartment, not even bothering to spare Dimitri a glance, and plopped down on her comfy beige couch. Maybe it was rude of me to be ignoring the bodyguard like that, since he had been willing to put his life on the line multiple times to ensure my safety. But to be bluntly honest, I really didn't give a fuck.

"You mind if we have some privacy?" I said to Christian and Dimitri, glancing up for the very first time.

Christian's eyes flashed with surprise, then understanding. Dimitri's eyes flashed with barely concealed rage. Heat radiated off him in waves.

"Ugh, yeah, of course." Christian said, heading for the front door. "You two take your time. We'll be outside."

That's what I secretly loved about Christian. He was a smart-ass most of the time, but he knew when to take things seriously.

"What's your problem?" I narrowed my eyes at Dimitri, who simply stood there, staring at me. "Are you hard of hearing? I said get out."

"The stitches on your neck have ripped open," the bodyguard eyed my throat. I tried to ignore the chills that ran up my body from hearing his gravelly, accented voice. "I should really take you to the doctors."

Hell, no. No way I was getting any where near a vehicle with him. There was a pretty good chance he'd throw me in the back of his trunk and drive me to an asylum.

"Thank you for your concern, but I'll be fine." I said, working hard to be as mature and cool as possible. "Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to speak to Lissa. _Privately_."

Dimitri stared at me for a moment longer before he turned on his heel and exited the apartment.

I turned back to Lissa, giving her my full attention. She was certainly going to need all that I could provide her with.

"Liss," I cut her off sharply, sensing she was about to hyperventilate from her burning curiosity. I loved my best friend more than life itself, but at times like these, she could be like one of those wind-up toys that just keeps going and going and going.

"I will explain everything to you and answer all of your questions, but I need you to keep an open mind here, okay? 'Cause a lot of what I tell you will be extremely difficult to accept." I informed her.

Lissa's jade-green eyes bulged, like a paranoid frogs. Then she swallowed hard, audibly, as if she suddenly had a parched throat that was aching for water.

"Of course I will," she said, breathless. "Of course I will, Rose. You know me."

Yeah, I did. And that was the problem. She was too nice and caring and trusting of people. That's why I feared this would put her on overload, make her unable to handle it.

But I was too far in to stop now. I promised her answers, and I would give them to her. Besides, she was my best friend. I never held anything back from her.

I took a deep breath, then began to give her what she wanted—a serious explanation. I told her about Mason and how I believed—no, knew—he was the person who knocked me out cold with his fist while I was jogging in the park that one fall evening. Aside from Lissa, he was the only person on earth who knew my workout routine, what time I arrived at the park, where I ran, how long I exercised, what my favorite routes were.

That was only one of many reasons I proved him to be my captor.

Mason had always been madly in love with me, but I'd considered him to be nothing more than a good buddy, even when I'd given our relationship a try in high-school. I'd been in love with him as a person, but it had never been anything even remotely romantic. At least not for me. It had always been one-sided.

What I had done to him back in high school had been selfish and down right cold and heartless. I'd known he had serious feelings for me, and boy, did I use them to my advantage. Whether it be need for cash or extra attention or someone to stroke my ego, Mason had always given me what I wanted. I hadn't been able to stop back then, and looking back now, I realized how sickeningly wrong it was for me to do what I had done.

Because of me, Mason had lost his innocence and definitely a pretty big chunk of his beautiful heart.

It was natural for him to develop a burning hatred towards me. One that built and grew worse over the years I continued to play him for a fool. Mason had loved me more than anything, I had been his life, his sole purpose. But once that hatred joined his group of feelings, it was a terrible and potentially lethal combination.

Goddamn it. I should have known. I should have seen the signs. But I'd been blind back in high school, too infatuated with my own self to pay Mason any attention.

Man, I was a bitch.

As I continued to explain everything to Lissa, being careful not to leave any dirty detail out, I became choked up and openly sobbed. My best friend joined me on the couch, pulled me into her warm embrace, and ran her fingers through my hair as I kept talking. I breathed in her vanilla and lavender scent, taking strength and comfort in the familiarity of the aroma.

One ordinary day after school, Jessie, the jock that I'd practically do jumping jacks to gain his attention, invited me to a party at his house. I never turned down a chance to have a good time, and it was the same with strawberry wine.

Jesus. Jessie had so much of it in his parents cellar. With an endless supply of my favorite alcohol like that, things went from tipsy to completely smashed in a second. My memory was a blur, but I still recall being all over Jessie as he carried me to his bedroom.

I'd been so excited, giddy even, that I had my dress and panties off before he even opened his door. Slutty, some might say. But I was a virgin—still am—and I was blinded by Jessie's smoking hot looks, and well, the idea of being with the jock. Every girl wanted to be with him. And finally, after years of fantasying, I was getting my chance. It didn't even matter if I technically already had a boyfriend and I was about to cheat on him. In that moment, drunk off my ass or not, I wanted Jessie more than anything in the world.

Yeah, not only had I been a bitch back then, but I'd been entirely shallow too.

Some time during the sloppy make out session and the hasty cloth removal, Mason had walked into the bedroom, calling my name.

Apparently, he'd lost me during the party and had spent forever looking for me. Boy, did he find me.

I blacked out after that, but I had to imagine what happened during those blank moments wasn't anything pretty. Jessie had ended up in the hospital with a busted nose, shattered jaw, and nasty bruises. Mason had disappeared from the party, running when the police came searching for him.

I'd torn Mason's heart right out of his chest that night, and wouldn't realize until years later, that something in him had changed and would never be the same.

Long after graduation, I ran into him at a fast food joint down town. I'd been cautious at first, having not talked to or heard from him in so long, but after awhile, I found myself chatting away and getting into that level of comfort and happiness only Mason could bring out of me.

Hours of catching up and laughing and eating later, the night came to an abrupt stop as I caught onto something casual Mason had sad.

He still believed we were in a relationship.

I decided to cut the cord right there. Just pull the plug and get it over with. I wasn't able to take the past back, but at least I could do what was right now.

"We'll still be friends," I'd said.

Mason wasn't satisfied with that.

He stared at me for the longest time, hazel eyes full with a kind of cruelty and malice that stole my breath away. Then stormed out of the restaurant, leaving me behind wondering what had gone so wrong.

The next evening, I was kidnapped.

"I can't believe I didn't see it earlier," I mumbled, back in the present. "Why was I so stupid not to see it?"

"Mason had us all fooled," Lissa said gravely, vengeance swirling in her gaze. "I never thought in a million years…but it all makes sense now."

"Yeah, it does." I sniffled. "You know, he was the one who helped me escape."

I heard her sharp intake of breath.

"I told everyone that I'd done it alone, because Mason didn't want to have any ties with me or the police. I think I now know why." I laughed harshly, bitterly. "Anyways, yeah, he was the one who helped me out of the cabin. He grabbed the axe from the table and cut off the chains that bound me to the bed. I remembered thinking at the time, 'How the hell did he find me? How did he know where I was? How did he know where this cabin is? It's in the middle of nowhere. This isn't possible. Why isn't that man with the masquerade mask hearing these incredibly loud noises and running in here to check to see what it was?' But then he scooped me up and ran out of the cabin and I forgot all about my doubts and was so relieved to be away from the cabin, to smell the trees of the forest, to see the sky again, and feel the warmth of the sun on my skin."

"It's little things like that that people take for granted. That's why I sun bathe as much as I can. What I went through really makes me appreciate life because it's so easy lose everything. Anyways…"

I then went on to explain the months afterwards, when I'd been recovering from the whole ordeal.

Masons abrupt, unexpected death, hadn't been a tragic accident like everyone had believed. It had been a suicide.

My gut twisted and churned with nausea. I swallowed hard to keep what little Jack Daniels remained in my body down.

Just a month after helping me escape from my captor's cabin, Mason fell down the flight of stairs in his best friend, Eddie's home. The tumble down had been so vicious, it caused him to break his neck and sever his spine. Had he not died on impact, Mason would have been paralyzed.

The reason I believed it was a suicide, is because Mason simply couldn't live with his guilt. He was unable to come to terms with what he'd done to me, and more importantly, he didn't want to spend the rest of his life in jail. So he ended his own life.

Lissa hugged me tighter. "It's okay now. Everything is finally okay..." she whispered.

Wasn't that the truth. My captor could no longer hurt me. There was no reason to be afraid any more. And I was finally done running.

It was all I ever wanted. I was free again.

* * *

><p>Two hours later, I walked outside to find Christian asleep on the bench, and Dimitri leaning against the apartment wall, staring at the ground. Well, glaring was more like it. Jeez. Why was he so pissed off?<p>

"Hey," I whispered.

His head snapped over. He came at me immediately. "Are you okay?"

The sincere concern tore at my heart a little, but I had to keep strong. "Mind if we talk for a minute? Away from him?" I asked.

Dimitri's dark eyes flashed. Oh, God. He knew what was coming. Somehow, that made me feel even worse.

"Sure." The bodyguard gained control of his emotions by slipping on that neutral mask, then led me over to a picnic table a few apartment buildings down.

"You gonna sit?" I asked, taking my own seat.

Dimitri just gave a slight shake of his head. Clearly, he wasn't going to be a conversationalist today.

"All right," I cleared my throat harshly, searching for the right words to say. "Um, well, there's no easy way to put this, so I'm just gonna go out there and say it. I release you from your duty and all obligations to me."

"You cannot be serious." The bodyguard leaned forward, braced his fists against the table, getting up in my face. The natural warm scent of his skin was intoxicating, and I fought for control. Adding insult to injury, I sneaked a glance at his impressive biceps. They were flexed, thanks to his position. The cords of muscle were graceful and powerful, like steel. I briefly—and inappropriately—wondered what it would be like to have them wrapped around my naked body.

I shook my head to clear the naughty thoughts. "Yes, I am very serious. Didn't we already have this talk in my parents car? I want you out of my life. Now."

"The man who did this to you—"

"Is dead. Fell down a flight of stairs and broke his neck four months ago." I said unwaveringly. "Your job is done here. Now, please pack up your belongings and get out of my home."

"Roza." _Don't do this. Please, don't do this._ _You can't prove that he was your captor. It's still not safe for you to be without me._ Is what that one word really meant.

I dug my nails into the skin of my palm, creating tiny red crescent moons. The pain helped me keep control over myself, my actions. It took everything I had not to give into the impulse, to tell him to forget everything I'd said and come inside. Truth was, I didn't want him to leave. Over the past month, through the many downs and ups, Dimitri and I had become best friends in a strange sense. I felt as if I'd know him my whole life. I felt like he knew me better than I knew myself.

But I was a grown woman, and I needed to stop relying on Dimitri to hold my hand and be my strength. I was a strong person, and I was going to prove that to everyone. The first—and most crucial—step I needed to take was to let go of Dimitri. He was my backbone, and the separation was going to hurt like hell, but I needed to get my independence back.

I just stared into his eyes, portraying my emotions, my feelings, and all of my thoughts into one look. It gave him all the answers he needed.

"You're done." Dimitri said incredulously. "With everything."

I grinned to myself. "Yeah, I'm done. Wow. That sounds really good saying it aloud."

"If you are completely certain the man who did this to you is dead," Dimitri crossed his arms over his huge chest, and smiled like a man who had the world at his fingertips. "Then you have to admit that these injuries around your throat are self-inflicted and what you saw in your room was in fact a hallucination."

Man, I had never wanted to punch some in the face so hard in my life before. I breathed deeply through my nose, trying to bite back my rage and urge to cause him serious bodily harm. "Fine." I lied, gritting my teeth. "I did this to myself and everything that I saw—including my captor—wasn't real. Happy now?"

That was bull crap. I wasn't sure what was going on with that whole situation. It was like a puzzle I didn't have the pieces to. A tiny part of me believed I was losing my mind, because I simply didn't know. _I just didn't know._ And that was absolutely horrible—to not have the answers to something you needed so bad.

I felt a profound sense of loss—no matter how selfish it might be—when Dimitri simply nodded, shook my hand, and thanked me for the opportunity of allowing him to work with me. He went into the apartment and came back out five minutes later with his duffel bag hanging off his shoulder.

"It's been a pleasure working for you." Those brown eyes never strayed from mine for the longest time, and it was like my own little slice of heaven. But then he turned on his heel and walked toward his black SUV. I was positive I wasn't ever going to see him again.

"Wait!" I called out. The—er, my ex—bodyguard turned around, arched a brow in question.

"Your check..." I explained, rummaging through my purse for the check book. "I haven't paid you yet."

"I don't want your money." Dimitri said. "Just forget about it. Okay?"

"To hell with that." I said, scribbling with my pen. "I'm paying you. And don't even try to argue with me, Mr. Belikov. You're only going to be running in circles. Believe me, I can go all night long."

I blushed when his eyebrows shot up and I realized what I'd just said.

"I don't doubt that for a second, Ms. Hathaway." he gave the smallest smile, just the barest twist of his lips, but it was enough to make my whole body flush with heat and need.

"Um," I handed him the check, feeling my cheeks grow hotter. "So, take care."

Dimitri glanced at the check in his hand, then at me. "You too, Roza. You too." he turned around and walked away. Just like that.

"Wait!"

He stopped, looked over his shoulder. "Yes?"

"Where will you go now?"I asked, clutching the pen to my chest.

Dimitri gave a slight shrug. "I have a new job lined up. Protecting the Ambassador to Russia. He's got a hit out on him."

I gulped, feeling pure, icy dread and fear consume my body. "That sounds dangerous."

"It's my duty," he shrugged halfheartedly again. "It's what I have to do."

"_Have_ is a strong word." _What are you doing, Rose? Goddamn it! Let him go!_ _You're the one who pulled the plug on this whole thing, stop making a fool out of yourself!_

"I have to go, Rose." Dimitri said. "My plane leaves in two hours." Man, he didn't waste any time, did he? He'd probably gone into the apartment and packed up his stuff while he called the ambassador himself and confirmed he'd take the job he offered. The ambassador then probably scheduled for a private plane to pick him up and take him to Russia. I shouldn't have been surprised that Dimitri would organize his life after me so quickly. After all, he was the best and most sought after bodyguard in the business.

Numbly, I nodded, feeling tears sear my eyes and a burning lump form in my throat. "Okay, bye, comrade."_ Keep it together, Rose. Keep it together. Don't let him see how weak you are. _

"Goodbye."

Dimitri was all the way to the SUV, reaching for the handle, when I called out again, "Wait!"

He wheeled around. "Yes?" he hissed.

I took off at a dead run and jumped into his arms. Dimitri, unexpected and unprepared, stumbled back from the force and momentum I packed behind it, but caught himself a nanosecond later.

"What are you doing?" Dimitri asked.

"Giving you a hug," I said, then wrapped my arms around his broad shoulders so tightly it had to bend the bones in his body. "I'm sorry...I just had to."

"Thank you." The words were so low I wasn't sure if I imagined them or not. Evidently, I'd been doing that a lot lately.

A moment later, I sensed his smile as he wrapped his arms around me and held me solidly.

The embrace felt so good, so genuine, that for the first time in a long time, I felt wholly complete, like I was at home where I belonged.

But all good things must come to an end.

My heart shattered into a million pieces as Dimitri set me back down on the ground, hopped in the SUV, and drove off without looking back.

* * *

><p>Later that night, I decided to take a shower in an attempt to get my mind off of Dimitri. It didn't work. As I tugged the tie out of my pony tail and let my deep, rich brown hair fall down my shoulders and back, I imagined Dimitri running his long graceful fingers through the soft tresses, admiring and appreciating them with eyes that spoke a thousand words. As I slipped my white sweater over my head, I imagined the fabric sliding over my skin to be Dimitri's rough, warm palms caressing my body and all its curves. As I unhooked my bra and slid the straps down my arms, I remembered that one time Dimitri and I had got hot and heavy, when he'd cupped my breasts in his hands and given a gentle, yet demanding squeeze.<p>

Goosebumps bloomed over my skin and a twinge of guilt twisted in my chest for fantasizing over the bodyguard, but I was too far gone to stop now.

Slowly, I unbuttoned my jeans and slid them down my thighs—

Something fell out of my back pocket, catching my attention. I leaned down, picked up the piece of paper, and opened it.

"That bastard." I muttered with a bemused smile. It was the check. Dimitri must have slid it into my pocket when I'd hugged him.

I sighed in frustration. Why hadn't he just taken it? Not only did I feel guilty for giving him the boot like I'd had, but now I felt terrible about not paying him for all that he'd done. I thought of a way to send the money to him, but there was no way I could find an address. All I knew was that he was on a plane heading for Russia, and that he was going to be guarding the Ambassador because someone wanted him assassinated.

After another long sigh, I ripped the remaining clothes off my body, turned on the shower, and hopped in before the water had time to heat up. The ice-cold water was extremely unpleasant, but it helped to get Dimitri off my mind for a couple of moments.

Twenty minutes later, I stepped out of the steaming shower, feeling like a new woman. I was doing everything in my power to keep my mind off Dimitri, and in order to be successful, I needed to keep myself as busy as possible. I had plans with Lissa tonight. A beauty night, my best friend had sad. Filled with strange green facial masks, nail polish, and waxing strips. Yikes. Though I had to admit, a tiny part of me was really excited.

Wrapping the towel around my dripping body, I headed for the sink and readied my toothbrush. As I began to scrub my mouth away, I lifted my head and swiped the steam away from the mirror to see my foggy reflection.

I gasped, feeling my heart jump into my throat. Then swiveled my head around to look behind me. Absolutely no one was there. But when I looked back at the mirror, my pulse and hands fluttered like the wings of a butterfly.

A beautiful woman stared back at me. She had smoldering, ice-blue eyes and long, raven black hair that cascaded down her back in glossy waves. A string in my heart pulled when I discovered blood covered her hands and face and abdomen.

"Oh, my God..." I slapped a palm over my mouth in astonishment.

The woman was wearing a camouflage uniform. An army uniform.

Something clicked in my head.

It was Tasha. Dimitri's dead friend.

Great, now I was seeing ghosts.


	9. Chapter 8: Change Me

**Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to Richelle Mead.**

**The original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story are owned by Ms. Belikov. Please do not copy, reproduce, or translate without express written permission.**

* * *

><p><strong>Previously on Saving Me...<strong>

_Later that night, I decided to take a shower in an attempt to get my mind off of Dimitri. It didn't work. As I tugged the tie out of my pony tail and let my deep, rich brown hair fall down my shoulders and back, I imagined Dimitri running his long graceful fingers through the soft tresses, admiring and appreciating them with eyes that spoke a thousand words. As I slipped my white sweater over my head, I imagined the fabric sliding over my skin to be Dimitri's rough, warm palms caressing my body and all its curves. As I unhooked my bra and slid the straps down my arms, I remembered that one time Dimitri and I had got hot and heavy, when he'd cupped my breasts in his hands and given a gentle, yet demanding squeeze._

_Goosebumps bloomed over my skin and a twinge of guilt twisted in my chest for fantasizing over the bodyguard, but I was too far gone to stop now._

_Slowly, I unbuttoned my jeans and slid them down my thighs—_

_Something fell out of my back pocket, catching my attention. I leaned down, picked up the piece of paper, and opened it._

_"That bastard." I muttered with a bemused smile. It was the check. Dimitri must have slid it into my pocket when I'd hugged him._

_I sighed in frustration. Why hadn't he just taken it? Not only did I feel guilty for giving him the boot like I'd had, but now I felt terrible about not paying him for all that he'd done. I thought of a way to send the money to him, but there was no way I could find an address. All I knew was that he was on a plane heading for Russia, and that he was going to be guarding the Ambassador because someone wanted him assassinated._

_After another long sigh, I ripped the remaining clothes off my body, turned on the shower, and hopped in before the water had time to heat up. The ice-cold water was extremely unpleasant, but it helped to get Dimitri off my mind for a couple of moments._

_Twenty minutes later, I stepped out of the steaming shower, feeling like a new woman. I was doing everything in my power to keep my mind off Dimitri, and in order to be successful, I needed to keep myself as busy as possible. I had plans with Lissa tonight. A beauty night, my best friend had sad. Filled with strange green facial masks, nail polish, and waxing strips. Yikes. Though I had to admit, a tiny part of me was really excited._

_Wrapping the towel around my dripping body, I headed for the sink and readied my toothbrush. As I began to scrub my mouth away, I lifted my head and swiped the steam away from the mirror to see my foggy reflection._

_I gasped, feeling my heart jump into my throat. Then swiveled my head around to look behind me. Absolutely no one was there. But when I looked back at the mirror, my pulse and hands fluttered like the wings of a butterfly._

_A beautiful woman stared back at me. She had smoldering, ice-blue eyes and long, raven black hair that cascaded down her back in glossy waves. A string in my heart pulled when I discovered blood covered her hands and face and abdomen._

_"Oh, my God..." I slapped a palm over my mouth in astonishment._

_The woman was wearing a camouflage uniform. An army uniform._

_Something clicked in my head._

_It was Tasha. Dimitri's dead friend._

_Great, now I was seeing ghosts._

* * *

><p><strong>RPOV: <strong>

I stood there doing nothing for a few moments, nailed to the spot with paralyzing fear.

"Rose…"

Holy shit. It said my name. _She_ said my name.

I tried to say something, but nothing came out of my lips. My voice was stuck in my throat. I swallowed hard, forcing it out of me. "You're Tasha." I said. "You are Tasha…right?"

The reflection in the mirror merely stared at me, ice-blue eyes penetrating my soul and discovering my deepest and darkest secrets. She didn't say anything, but I don't believe it was her choice, more like she wanted to talk so bad but didn't have a voice box.

Do you have voice boxes in the afterlife? I wondered.

I got lost staring into those intense blue eyes. Blue eyes that had no doubt broken dozens of hearts and captured even more. Just like they'd done with Dimitri. Even though she was dead and gone, he still loved her dearly. It was written all over his face and the way he spoke wistfully about her.

Jealousy struck me in the heart, a piercing, deep cut.

_Really, Rose?_ I was envious of a ghost. I was _so_ going to hell.

"Why are you here?" I tried again. Maybe she needed a little motivation. Who knew what sacrifices she'd had to make for this visit. "What do you want? Dimitri is gone. Go bother him. There is nothing I can provide for you."

The ghost—I swear—smiled and sneered at the same time. "You have more attitude than a girl with the keys to her daddy's new Porsche."

I gaped, half in anger and half in amazement. "You _can_ talk!" I pointed an accusing finger at the mirror. "I knew it! I knew it!"

Tasha rolled her eyes, and then just as mysteriously as she'd come, she was gone without a trace.

I looked around dumbly, uselessly, before leaning forward, and like a complete idiot, knocking on the mirror as if it were a door. "Hello? Yoo-hoo, Ghost Girl. Where'd you go?"

"Who are you talking to, Little Lady?" I jumped at the sound of a deep, velvety voice.

"Crap, Adrian! You scared the bejesus out of me!" I whirled around, faced him, and blushed furiously when I realized I was buck naked in front of the bodyguard.

"I could make a make a meal out of you," Adrian growled, licking his full lips in appreciation. It was clear he didn't mind my current birthday suit status half as much as I did. Actually, I don't think he minded at all.

_Move, you dumb bitch,_ I ordered myself. _Don't just stand there looking stupid._

Except my feet were glued to the ground and my arm wouldn't lift its lazy ass and slam the door in his face like I'd planned to. It was as if I was in some kind of trance, a lust spell. I allowed his predatory emerald gaze to travel over each and every inch of my bare, dripping wet flesh, and reveled in the feeling, the sheer power and carnality of it.

And then I slammed the door in his face.

"Hey! I was enjoying the show…" Adrian called out, his voice muffled by the piece of wood that separated us.

I hid my smile by leaning over and picking up my fresh pair of underwear, even though I knew he couldn't see it. The gesture was private. I didn't want anyone to know how I felt. Not even my own self.

"Why are you here? I fired you!"

"I could live for this," he murmured, more to himself than me. "My mother and father always complain that I have no life goals, no plans to make my future bigger and better. But I think I have found my purpose. They're going to be so proud of their son."

"And what would that all-powerful, life changing purpose be?" I asked, pulling on a pair of fleece white shorts, then the new purple lacy bra Lissa had bought me from Victoria's Secret. Something has to hold those double D's back, she'd said.

"Seeing you buck naked," When I laughed and snorted loudly, he added with a smile to his voice, "That's right. Seeing you buck naked. That's something I will live for, something I can look forward to—aside from everything else in my life-"

"Like nursing a bottle of vodka to sleep every night?"

"Oh, shoot. I forgot about that. How could I betray my honey like that?" There was a pause, and I imagined he had a finger to his chin in thought. "Okay, my honey comes first. Always. And then second, seeing your buck naked."

"I feel so special for coming in second to liquor," I said sarcastically, tugging a comfy red tank top over my head. "And what about your career as a bodyguard? Where does that come into play on your list of priorities and life goals?"

"It comes in last, of course. Where else would it go?" Adrian said with a whole lot of _duh_. "Anyways, let's get back to more important matters, shall we? If I am to live for seeing you buck naked, I'll probably need to show up at your home unexpectedly and uninvited more often, preferably when you're fresh out of the shower. Tell me, Little Lady, do you sleep in the nude? Oh, Lord. Please have mercy. If you give the smallest shit about me, please let her say yes."

"No. I don't." I said, flinging open the door.

"Damn you." Adrian muttered skyward.

Rolling my eyes, I shoved past him and went to dump my dirty clothes in the hamper beside the washer and dryer. My breath caught in my throat when I noticed what was laying on top of it, and like a complete Nancy, I wanted to start balling on the spot.

An old, battered western novel.

Dimitri's old, battered western novel. One of his favorite. When he was off duty and could actually sit down and relax for a moment, I'd always seen him reading from this specific copy. He'd accidentally left it.

The urge to run out of the apartment and down the street, calling his name, searching for his retreating black SUV, was instant, even though he'd left hours ago and was well on his way back to his native country. For some reason, my stupid brain just couldn't seem to process the fact that he was actually gone for good. I wasn't sure if it was my way of dealing—or denying—it, but it still felt like Dimitri was in my living room, watching my every move, guarding me, while I annoyed the hell out of him at every possible given moment with my crazy shenanigans. I had loved driving such a controlled, emotionless man up the wall. It was what I had lived for.

But then reality kicked it. And I had to deal with the heartbreaking fact that I'd never see him again.

I glanced back down at the novel, carefully picked it up, in fear of it crumbling and losing the last remnant I had of Dimitri. Clutching it to my chest, I thought about using it as an excuse to get to him. Maybe I could send it to him through a package. Surely he would want it back. Or maybe, I could track him down and give it to him myself.

I snorted aloud, shocked with my impossible thinking. Fly all the way to Russia just to give him his lousy western novel back? It was just a frickin' book for Christ sakes, and even if he wanted it back, he surely didn't want to see me again. And it wasn't as if I could track him down. He was going to be guarding the ambassador of Russia. It wasn't likely his name and address were listed in the phonebook. And hell, who the heck had a phonebook these days anyways?

I took a deep, shaky breath, trying to collect myself and put a lock on my emotions.

Dimitri Belikov was a marked man who'd crossed many in his time. People had put the green light out on him, a hefty price over his head, searched for him day and night, thirst for revenge in their hearts and hatred in their brains. Dimtri wasn't stupid. If a man like him wanted to disappear off the face of the Earth, he could do so, just like that. And that's exactly what he'd done in order to take on his new job.

He was gone, and never coming back. I needed to accept that and move on, or else I would never be able to live my life again. That's what Dimitri would want, for me to forget about him. And the least I could do was grant his wishes after everything he had done for me.

Eventually his memory would fade and I would forget about him, it only took time, and until that time came, I would keep myself busy.

That didn't necessarily mean I couldn't indulge here and there.

I parted the book where it had been dog-eared, and read from the last page Dimitri had.

_It had been so long for him, and he needed this. Needed it like the air he breathed. He was so cold. And she was scalding hot. Warm enough to melt some of the ice in his soul, even for just a moment. His woman lay on the bed, spread out for him in the sweetest offering, her legs parted deliciously._

_His. She was his and always would be. He'd fought it for so long, tried to deny his feelings, but they had been there all along, hadn't they. _

_Climbing onto the bed, he straddled her sleek legs and dropped a kiss to her busted lip before moving down her bare body with his mouth. An incredible sound escaped the back of her throat, and he lifted his eyes just to see her face. Her expression was fierce, eyes closed in pleasure, teeth bared. He growled deep in his chest when he remembered she had never been with another man before. The knowledge that she was clean, innocent, untouched by any others filthy, unworthy hands, nearly pushed him over the edge. But he held back, needing to make it last, needing to see her in her most exposed, vulnerable hour. She was his for the taking, and he had every intention of doing just that. _

_When she managed to peel open her eyes and meet his, she looked dazed, blissful. Her beauty had always stunned him, even hurt him at times. With that thick deep brown hair and those familiar, dark, exotic eyes, she was all he'd ever desired and needed. _

_"Make love to me," she commanded in a breathless, erotic voice. And he didn't need to be told twice. _

_With a fierce surge, he thrust into her, invading the most sensitive and sweetest part of her body. Then he was in heaven._

I slammed the book shut with a wild blush, feeling extremely guilty. Like I'd read Dimitri's diary or something. Pfffft. As if Dimitri would ever keep a journal.

I had the craziest thought as I took the battered western novel and headed back to my bedroom to place it in a private, safe spot. Reading those love scenes in his books was the only way Dimitri had barely been able to control himself and deal with his sexual frustration. Instead of losing himself and taking them out on me.

I smiled victoriously, knowing that I had won a small battle.

Dimitri had wanted me. Badly. So bad, in fact, that he'd had to fight to stay away from me. He desired me as intensely as I'd desired him. Had found me sexual and alluring. Beautiful, even. And as weird as it sounded, that made me feel better.

* * *

><p>"Please…tell me why I'm doing this." Adrian said, massaging magic into my calves and feet.<p>

"You have magical hands," I voiced.

"So I've been told," he said, then his voice dropped low until it oozed nothing but sex, "Would you like to find out the extent of their magical abilities?"

I laughed, eased back into the couch, and set the slice of cucumber that had fallen into my lap back onto my eye. I moaned in utter pleasure when Adrian hit a knot of muscles and massaged out the tightness.

"If I had a nickel for every time I've made a girl make that sound…"

"You'd be three-hundred dollars in debt, Mr. Ivashkov."

"On the contrary, I'd be a millionaire."

"I doubt that."

"Would you like me to prove you wrong, female?"

I gulped, feeling a spark of something ignite my veins on fire. "No." I whispered hoarsely, "I just want you to keep rubbing my feet."

"That reminds me," Adrian dipped my feet in the bowl of hot, soapy water and began to scrub them with some weird seaweed/sea salt rub we'd picked up at Walgreens. The label guaranteed incredibly soft skin. They'd better keep up their end of the bargain, or else I was getting a refund. "Why am I doing this?"

"Because Lissa was supposed to have a beauty night with me but stood me up to have sex with her boyfriend instead." I said. As if on cue, there was a loud bang as the headboard of their bed slammed against the wall for the billionth time and a very loud moan that came from Lissa. God, it was so disturbing hearing your best friend have sex not seven feet away from you. I mean, sure, there was a barrier separating us—thank God—but these walls were paper thin. They might as well have been in the same room.

"Okay. I got that part. But what's in it for me?"

"You get to touch my feet,"

"You're going to have to do better than that."

"Fine," I said in defeat. "You get to _fondle_ my feet."

"Much better." Adrian said with satisfaction, eyes glittering like two emerald jewels.

Silence spilled around us, the comfortable type, making me even more relaxed than I was before. I thought about something for a moment, then decided to voice my question. "Why are you here?" I asked, eyes still closed. "I ain't paying you for this pedicure. Besides, I fired you and Dimitri."

Who knew one word, one name spoken aloud could cut like a knife, I thought, rubbing my aching chest.

"What's wrong, Little Lady?" he asked, genuine concern evident in his voice.

"Nothing," I evaded. "Stop trying to dodge the question."

Though I didn't see it, I knew for a fact that he shrugged. "I don't know, really." Most likely for the very first time in his life, Adrian Ivashkov was at loss for words. Wishes do come true.

"You're really cool," he said finally. "And yeah, I like hanging out with you. That's all."

"Don't lie, Ivashkov. You just want to get into my pants."

He laughed loudly, genuinely, incredibly. "I never said my intentions were particularly innocent. But I do mean what I say. I like being in your lovely company."

"I'm horrible company." I said. "Like, the worst."

"I'm rolling my eyes in dismissal. That's the end of that ridiculous argument."

"_Pffft._"

"Did you just _pffft_ me?"

"That's right." I said, then just to annoy him, I added a long, drawn out, "_Pffffffffffffffttttttt_."

"Your maturity amazes me."

I shrugged. No big deal. "I have moments of brilliance. What can I say."

There was a cool stroke of a brush on my big toe, and a bitter smell in the air, and I knew he'd just started to paint my nails.

Twenty minutes later, Adrian tapped my knee. "Wakey. Wakey. Look, Little Lady, at the masterpiece I made of your toesy's."

I itched my nose. The minty-scented mask flaked off in a fall of green snow and landed on my shirt and lap. It was time to wash the burning funk off. Beauty could be so annoying. I sat up in a sleepy, half-coherent state, lifted my legs, and studied my toes. They were painted flawlessly, but were multi-colored. Red. Green. Purple. Yellow. Orange. Pink. Blue. Silver. White. Black. It was like the rainbow had vomited all over my feet.

I giggled, rolling my eyes. "Really, Adrian? I thought we agreed to gold."

The bodyguard shrugged. "Yeah, I started out with that. But then I got bored with just one color, and out of that boredom, something magnificent was born." he indicated to my toes. "Have you ever seen something so…well, magnificent?"

"I don't believe I have."

"You're welcome."

"I didn't say thank you."

"I know, Little Lady. You don't have to. It's in your eyes." he said, then just to bug me, added a cheerful, "You're welcome!"

* * *

><p>"You look like shit," Christian said to me the next morning.<p>

The sun had just risen and was glaring at me from its low hang in the morning sky. "You look…fantastic." I said, unable to insult him. Mornings took a lot out of my character and sarcasm, and replaced the void with bitchiness and meanness. Besides, he truly did look fantastic. Satisfied. Satiated. His pale skin glowed golden. His ice-blue eyes glittered, were brighter than ever. There was a permanent mischievous smirk on his face. And love covered his body. And by love, I mean Lissa's teeth marks, nail scratches, and serious hickeys.

I nearly doubled over. God, why did he have to show up at my door at six AM in nothing but his boxers and the heady scent of sex on his skin? He was totally rubbing my non-existent love life in my face.

"So I've been told," he said. "Hey…oh, shit. I forgot why I came over here."

"Stop thinking about Lissa lying naked in your bed and focus, Christian. _Focus._ I'm a ticking time bomb in the morning."

There was a stupid, dazed look on his face, and I knew he wasn't all there. He'd left his brain back there with his girlfriend, and couldn't seem to get a grip on reality. I guess I would have been the same with Dimitri—unable to concentrate on anything else besides the other part of your soul and the countless hours of lovemaking you'd done together.

I immediately scolded myself for thinking in such an absurd matter. But forgetting Dimitri was easier said than done. He'd left for a good reason. Well, I'd pushed him away for a good reason. I had no use for him. Mason, my captor, was dead and gone, unable to hurt me in the afterlife. And frankly, I was wasting Dimitri's time, and my fathers money. Dimitri had been paid to protect me, but now there was nothing to protect me from, so it was good that he was gone.

Or at least, that's what I told my brain to believe, forced it to obey my commands. Over and over again. Like a billion times.

It still wasn't working.

I fought a smile that threatened to play across my lips when Christian giggled blissfully, goofily. Then ran back into their apartment, spoke with Lissa, and ran back out two seconds later, laughing even harder.

"There's kind of a problem here, Rose." Christian's lips twitched involuntarily. "She can't quite remember either. But she thinks it has to do with something about being sorry for ditching you last night to be with me."

And with that being said, Christian disappeared inside their apartment, locked and chained the door, and no doubt returned to his awaiting—and very naked—girlfriend.

I snorted as I slammed the door shut, rolling my eyes. I had such great friends.

The light on my phone blinked. I pushed the play button and waited for my voicemails to sound over the speaker. I was grabbing a sprinkle doughnut out of its container when my fathers soft, cautious voice drifted into the dark kitchen.

_"Listen, uh, Kiz. This is the fourth voicemail I've left you. Why won't you answer my calls? I know you're mad at me, but I'm still your father, and I would like to talk with you. Maybe you can come over for dinner tonight. Your mother's making your favorite chicken pot pie. I was thinkin' maybe the three of us could talk about what happened-"_

I slammed my finger down on the button. That was so not something I was going to deal with right now. Family problems made me itch. Besides, I was too betrayed, too hurt, to even think about facing my father any time soon. I was still raging at him, and I wasn't about to talk to him. I don't think I would be able to keep from punching him in the face.

"Message deleted." The electronic, robotic voice uttered.

And I headed back to bed, where my nightmares awaited me, worse and more violent than they'd ever been before. Strange. Considering the man who kidnapped me was no longer a problem, they should have vanished, just like he had that night he'd fallen down the stairs and snapped his neck.

* * *

><p>"Oh, great. You again." I said, when Tasha suddenly appeared out of thin air. "What do you want? Stop following me around like some kind of freak."<p>

The ghost snorted and rolled her eyes. "We need to talk."

"I'm working." I said, clipping the order up for the chef to see.

"Doesn't matter," she reached out and grabbed my arm. It touched me! It could actually touch me! A shot of pure ice spread through my veins instantly at the contact, making me gasp. Every hair on my body stood up from the supernatural static crackling in the air. I breathed heavily, my breath fogging in the air.

"We need to talk," Tasha's grip tightened, nails biting into my forearm. "You, my dear, made a _huge_ mistake…"**  
><strong>


	10. Chapter 9: Shock Me

**Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to Richelle Mead.**

**The original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story are owned by Ms. Belikov. Please do not copy, reproduce, or translate without express written permission.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Previously on Saving Me…<strong>_

_"Oh, great. You again." I said, when Tasha suddenly appeared out of thin air. "What do you want? Stop following me around like some kind of freak."_

_The ghost snorted and rolled her eyes. "We need to talk."_

_"I'm working." I said, clipping the order up for the chef to see._

_"Doesn't matter," she reached out and grabbed my arm. It touched me! It could actually touch me! A shot of pure ice spread through my veins instantly at the contact, making me gasp. Every hair on my body stood up from the supernatural static crackling in the air. I breathed heavily, my breath fogging in the air._

_"We need to talk," Tasha's grip tightened, nails biting into my forearm. "You, my dear, made a huge mistake…"_

* * *

><p>"You<em> can<em> touch me!" I gaped, horrified. "How can you touch me?"

"I'll explain that later," Tasha dismissed. In her haste to get me out of the restaurant, I ended up catching my leg on a chair, stumbling forward, and knocking the drinks clean off a passing waiter's tray. Ice-cold coke dumped all over my back, shoulders, chest, and stomach.

"What the hell is your problem, Hathaway?" Stan growled. "Are you high?"

That was Stan's question and answer to everything, at least when it regarded me. Somehow I didn't feel special. The waiter was in his late forties, with a leathery face, mean black eyes, and a thick amount of salt and pepper hair on his head. Despite all of that, he was actually quite handsome, in a mature way. Maybe I could hook him up with my mom after the divorce.

I nearly puked at the particularly graphic images that were carved in my brain. What the hell was wrong with me?

"Are you high, Hathaway?" Stan solved the mystery. Except, for one tiny fact—I hadn't touched drugs a day in my life. And never would. No matter how sick and twisted my life had gotten in the past year, I would by no means turn to a chemical substance that would change my behavior and attitude. Why would I need it? I was crazy enough as it was.

"Let's go," Tasha hissed, ignoring Stan and pulling me out of the restaurant. The heavy glass door opened and sunshine blinded me temporarily.

"Why can I see you?" I asked. "Why am I seeing ghosts?"

Tasha turned around and smiled somewhat sadly, and I was suddenly reminded of how captivating she was. Even as a translucent ghost, covered in a dirty, torn army uniform and blood, there was an eerie beauty to the woman. The world had lost a beautiful soul the day she met her violent death, but the heavens had gained someone who made their home a more amazing place than it had been before.

"Your near death experience," Tasha explained, brushing a raven lock away from her pale cheek. "But you've always been extra sensitive to the spirit world. Your hallucination merely opened that final door."

I gaped. "Fuck. You too? I cannot believe ghosts think I'm lying too."

"I don't think you're a liar," Tasha said. "I think you are confused."

"How old were you when you died?" I asked for no apparent reason.

"Thirty-two."

A stab of sadness shot through my heart and all I could was stare at her, my eyes burning.

_Wham. _

"Ouch," I clutched my throbbing cheek, shocked. "Did you really just bitch slap me?"

"No pity. Absolutely no pity." Tasha jabbed her pointer finger in my face. "I'm here to do a job, not find someone who feels bad for me. Now, let's go." She strutted off in the opposite direction.

"Go where, Casper?" I unconsciously followed right behind her translucent form. "Are you going to pick me up and fly away into the sunset—"

Her combat boot clad foot shot out, and like a complete sucker, I tripped and landed in a pile of limbs on the sidewalk.

People nearby shot me weird looks. I probably looked crazy talking to myself and tripping over invisible objects, but I really didn't give a damn.

"Ouch! What the hell?" I stood up and dusted off my hands and knees.

"You talk way too much, you know that?" The corners of her perfect cupids-bow lips twisted upwards, lighting up the whole town with her smile, and I suddenly forgot why I was angry. "And an unhealthy dose of attitude in your blood. Now wonder Dimitri is so in love with you."

There were a few heavy moments of silence, where all I could do was stand there like an idiot and stare at her mesmerizing, eerie beauty. And then it dawned on me.

My jaw dropped open. "Wait...what did you say?"

* * *

><p>"How many packets do you like?" I asked, taking the steaming mugs out of the microwave.<p>

Tasha leaned over the kitchen counter and snorted in amusement. "I can't eat or drink. In case you can't tell, I'm kind of dead."

I winced and opened my mouth to apologize, but Tasha waved me off.

"It's fine. It's fine. Listen, I can't stay here long. I've got to get back soon."

"Back where?" I asked, ripping the tops off the hot cocoa packets and pouring the stream of chocolate powder into my mug.

Tasha's face filled with hesitation and a lick of fear.

"Everything okay?" I grabbed a spoon and began to stir. "You're a ghost. Don't you pretty much make up your own rules since you're…well, dead."

"Everyone in the universe, including myself and other spirits, have someone—or something—that is higher up than them. More powerful than them."

"Like a demon?"

Her face flashed. "Not necessarily."

"But you're dead. What could you possibly have to worry about now? The worst possible thing has already happened to you." The instant those words left my mouth, I wanted to suck them right back in. Guilt and regret flooded every inch of my body. Except Tasha didn't seem to mind.

"You'd be surprised. But it's not something anyone can control. It's just how the cookie crumbles." was her explanation, and I knew from the look she shot me that this topic of conversation was over.

I took a careful sip from the mug. "Why am I seeing ghosts?"

Tasha stared at me for the longest time, her forehead creased, as if she were deciding whether or not she should tell me.

"Spit it out."

"That hallucination that you had—" I gave her a look, but she cut me off with another one of her annoying waves. "It was a hallucination, trust me. There are two reasons you are able to see me right now: One, I want you to. And two, your near death experience."

I narrowed my eyes. "That doesn't make any sense."

"Yes, it does. And you know it." Tasha placed two palms against the countertop and hopped up. "You've always been extra sensitive to the spirit world. Ever since the accident."

If possible, my eyes narrowed even more. "How do you know about that?"

She held up her hands. "Does it really matter?"

"You're really beginning to annoy me, Casper. Please don't get blood on the counter. It's unsanitary."

"You're the biggest bitch I have ever met," Her huge grin blinded me with its beauty. "I love it."

In spite of myself, I found myself cracking a smile. Tasha's positive energy was contagious, and I was sure that during the time that she had walked the earth, she had amazed everyone that ever had the honor of meeting her. That reminded me of something.

"Were you and Dimitri in love?" I asked bluntly.

Shock flooded her face, and I knew I had hit the nail on the head. What was left of my heart shattered into a million pieces. I was acutely aware that Tasha had met her violent death years ago out on the battlefield and Dimitri was long gone in Russia protecting the ambassador. Plus, he didn't even want me. If he had, he would have fought to stay by my side. But it still felt like someone had just shoved a knife through my chest.

"Dimitri and I have history—"

"Of course you do. Listen? I get it. You know him so much better than I do and he loves you and he'll never want me that way and he's gone so it doesn't even matter—"

"Hold the phone, girl." Tasha laughed in bemusement. "Dimitri is an amazing man. I met him when I first signed up for the army. I had never been more terrified in my life when we first were stationed in Afghanistan. Dimka knew this and did whatever he possibly could to make me feel better, more safe. This one time our camp was ambushed. These men dragged me kicking and screaming out of my tent, and then the leader came up with his rifle raised, pointed it right at my head, and pulled the trigger. Before I knew what had happened, something tackled me to the ground. It was Dimka. He had thrown himself on me to protect me. He was shot four times in the back. The men believed both of us dead and moved on. Dimka had saved my life that day, because that's the kind of person he is." she cleared her throat harshly and blinked, like she was coming back to the present. "Anyways, what I really want to tell you is that Dimitri never loved me like that. My feelings were always one-sided. It never went down like that between us."

"What?" I said hoarsely, my heart weighing heavy in my chest from the tale she had just told me.

"I loved Dimitri. I_ really_ loved him. With my everything." If it was possible, I knew tears would be streaming down Tasha's cheeks. But she couldn't cry, and that was heartbreaking. All I wanted to do was hug her.

"But he never felt that way towards me. I was just a friend, which I am so honored to have been considered one, believe that. But nothing hurts more than knowing the one you want more than anything doesn't want you back."

"I know what you mean."

Suddenly, she jumped down from the counter, stalked over, and gripped my arms roughly. "No, you don't. You stupid, stupid girl. I don't know how you can have sight yet be so blind and not see the things that are right in front of you." Tasha said. "Dimitri loves you. He's in love with you. So in love with you."

"How do you know?"

"I'm really resisting the urge to slap you again," her tone was annoyed. "I know Dimka better than anyone else in the world knows him—and don't give me that look. I told you it wasn't like that between us. I never even kissed him. But I ain't going to lie, I had _many _wet dreams about him all sweaty and dirty and masculine in his uniform…" she sighed deeply. "You know I saw him naked once. He was walking out of the showers to his locker room. He dried off and dropped the towel. I'll never forget it."

"Now I'm resisting the urge to slap you." I grunted.

An evil smile twisted her lips. "It's magnificent. I am not fucking kidding you, the man is hung like a goddamn horse—"

"Tasha!" I blushed furiously.

She merely shrugged and backed up, like nothing had happened. "Sorry. Alright, back to business. Believe it or not, I'm not here to chit chat with you."

"I can believe that."

"It was really stupid of you to get rid of Dimitri. And when I say really stupid, I mean _really stupid_."

"I did what I had to do."

"He was your only protection." she reasoned. "Why did you give him the boot in the first place? Because he wouldn't sleep with you?"

"No!" I said defensively. "My captor…the man who did this to me is dead. Gone. No longer a problem of mine."

Tasha—I swear—laughed right in my face. "Please do not tell me you are actually that stupid and naïve. Lord, help me here. Please do not let this girl be as stupid as the words that just came out her mouth." Her ice-blue eyes slid over to me. "No offense."

"I _do_ take that offensively."

"Mason truly loved you, Rose. He would never dream of hurting you."

My whole world momentarily stopped. "You don't know anything about that. You don't know_ anything _about that."

Tasha seemed unfazed. "You sure about that." She sounded bored, which only made me angrier.

"Yes. Now please…get out." I jabbed my finger at the front door. She didn't move an inch.

"I said get out."

"No."

"_Please_." I said through gritted teeth. Tasha was really beginning to test my patience. It took everything in me to hold onto that last shred of cool and self control.

Big, crystal-like eyes blinked innocently.

"Get out!" I shoved at her, but the instant before I made contact with her body, she went completely translucent. I flew through the air and smacked against the tile floor of the kitchen.

Man, was I seriously getting my ass kicked by a ghost? Was I really seeing ghosts? What the hell was really going on? For some unfathomable reason, I actually wasn't afraid of the situation I was currently in or the fact that I was apparently supersensitive to the spirit world. Either I was having a terrible dream, or I had gone entirely crazy.

I had a feeling it was the latter.

"What makes you think Mason didn't do it?" I stood up and dusted my clothes off for what seemed like the hundredth time that day.

"He is innocent. No further explanation is needed."

"How do I know you're not lying to me? You could be working for your demon king and be just as evil as he is." I reasoned.

"True." she shrugged. "I guess you'll just have to take a leap of faith here and trust me. After all, there aren't many people who are still on your side. The more you continue to push away, the worst things are going to become. Just like with Dimka."

"I hate that nickname."

"Really?" she grinned. "Dimka loves it."

I growled under my breath, which made her giggle.

"If Mason isn't the man who kidnapped me, then who is?"

Her cupids-bow lips pursed. "It is not in my power to tell you."

I laughed harshly. "Of course it's not."

"I'm already breaking a lot of rules to see you, Rose. Don't push it with the snippy attitude."

"You're wasting my time."

Tasha's head tilted to the side mockingly, her eyes flashing with anger and impatience. "Really? Am I? Your naivety blows me away. It truly does." she said. "I'm offering you help here, and you continue to push my efforts away. Wait—I am not done speaking. You _will_ hear me out."

I bit my tongue hard.

"Continue to live your life the way you are, and I doubt you will ever see your twenty-third birthday. If I were you, I'd be a helluva lot more cautious when it comes to trusting the ones that are around you. Give Dimka a call. You aren't as safe as you believe you are." Tasha's glowing form glided over. "I'd change your locks, too. Not that it'll help much. If someone really wanted to get in this shitty apartment, they could without breaking a sweat."

"Tasha. Wait—"

"And, one more thing, Rose—I'm only doing this for Dimitri because I love him. I could give a fuck about you. I just don't want to see him hurt again. That man has already been through enough in his life." With one last icy glare shot over her shoulder, Tasha vanished into thin air, leaving me gasping for oxygen.

* * *

><p><strong>6 months later…<strong>

"How old are you again?" I asked, but couldn't keep the smile off my face.

Adrian looked up from what he was doing. Emerald-green eyes sparkled. "Ah, that's about as amazing as it gets. You have the beautifullest smile I have ever seen."

"Beautifullest isn't a word."

"It is now that I have declared it one."

I rolled my eyes as he continued to fill Christian's hands with whip cream.

"Doesn't he look so peaceful when he sleeps?" Adrian asked.

"Yep. Like a baby."

"Like a little innocent baby. A little innocent angel baby."

"We seriously need to get a life. Or maybe some hobbies."

"Hobbies and having a life is so overrated."

We both looked at each other, then burst out laughing.

"Shhhhh." Adrian covered my mouth, as his body continued to rumble with his laughter. "You're going to wake the little angel."

"Sorry." I mumbled, and licked his palm.

Adrian pulled away, eyes smoky. "You little Vixen."

"What?" I said innocently.

"You're going to pay for that later," He sealed that promise with a sharp slap to my bottom and a quick, yet thorough kiss. Adrian was an amazing kisser, I had to admit. He had a perfectly full bottom lip that was so incredibly soft I wanted to kiss him all day long. I also found the way he kissed me to be thrilling. He would press his mouth to mine like he was starving and always needed to have more of me.

"Hand me a Kleenex, love." Adrian said.

"What do I look like? Your slave? Get your own damn tissue."

His mouth twitched. "For just this one time, can you not be extraordinarily difficult?"

"Fine." I sighed heavily. "But only because you promised to bake me those blueberry muffins."

"You know I never break a promise," he said, twisting the piece of tissue to a point. Then he slowly brought the tip up into Christian's nose. Meanwhile, I watched with a disgusted yet utterly fascinated expression. This was quite possibly one of the coolest things we had ever done to the smart-ass.

"_What are you two doing?_" Lissa stormed into the room, the pink rolled up bridal magazine pointed menacingly down at her side.

"He did it!" I pointed at Adrian, who threw his hands skyward.

"What the hell, love? I thought you had my back."

"What is he doing asleep?" my best friend demanded, marching up to her fiancés sleeping form. She promptly smacked him in the face with the rolled up weapon clenched in her hand.

"Ouch!" Christian's hands slapped to his face automatically and—BINGO!—the whip cream splattered, covering his face and hair.

Lissa's fiancé groaned heavily, and I took infinite pleasure in his torment.

"Ah, Rose. What the hell?" Christian sat up, swiftly pulled his shirt over his head, and began to wipe up the mess.

"Why does everyone always blame me?"

"That's what you get for falling asleep," Lissa plopped down into her plush, immaculate white sofa and opened the planner. I stared at the thing with pure fear and hatred running through my veins. It had done nothing but cause me hell the past six months.

"I'm getting too old for this kind of shit," Christian grumbled. I rolled my eyes. What a baby.

"Okay, Rose. You have your third fitting tomorrow at Aurora's—"

"_Another_ fitting?" I asked, bewildered. Lissa gave a sharp nod of her head and continued to write rapidly in the planner with her fluffy pink pen.

"You've got to be frickin' kidding me," On impulse, I kicked my leg out. "Ouch!" I cried, when my foot caught the edge of the table. While I sat there in pain, rubbing my throbbing toe, Christian simply grinned like someone who had gotten away with murder.

"Asshole." I muttered.

"Bitch."

"Smart-ass."

"Skan—"

"Christian," Lissa cut him off sharply.

"Thank you," I said, smiling triumphantly at him.

"You two need to get along and stop acting so childish," Lissa pointed at us warningly. "After all, you're going to be related soon."

"WHAT?" We yelled in unison.

"Future brother-in-law, Rose." My best friend nodded at her fiancé. "Future sister-in-law, Christian."

"I cannot wait." he said behind clenched teeth.

"Watch it." Lissa snapped.

Adrian leaned over and sung in my ear, "Someone's on their period."

I heard the slice of paper through the air and just managed to duck in time. The bridal magazine smacked my boyfriend right in the face. Christian and I gave each other blank looks, then flipped out laughing. Maybe this whole marriage thing wasn't so bad. Maybe.

* * *

><p><em>I love you. Ever since the first time I saw you I loved you, your smile, your eyes, your heart…just you. I'll always adore you. –Adrian <em>

I smiled as I searched through the dusty box, on the hunt for an old café flyer.

Love notes were Adrian's thing. He'd write them for me, then leave in random places around my apartment like inside the refrigerator, the shower, buried in my bra drawer—his hiding spot of choice. They were sweet thoughts and never failed to make me smile. I held the wrinkled paper up to my nose and inhaled deeply. Just like I had expected, it still smelled faintly of his cologne. The scent was mouthwatering and always brought me to a positive, warm place.

Setting that aside, I continued to ravage the box that had been sitting in the back of my closet for the past several months. Hearing my phone ring, I flipped open the device and groaned into the phone, "I'm looking for it!"

"Look harder! I need the number of that place ASAP."

"Don't get your panties twisted. You still have four whole months until the actual wedding."

"Exactly!" Lissa boomed, and I had to hold the phone back a few inches. "This is crunch time. The cake is so crucial, and Christian and I both decided on that one. We actually agreed on something! Can you believe it? I can't. Do you know how many cakes we had to sample? I'll tell you: Hundreds."

"That must have wreaked havoc on Christian's figure" I said. "What's so special about that red velvet cake? I had it. It was alright."

"It was magical! Like Christmas in your mouth."

"Like Christian in your mouth," I laughed at my lame joke.

"Rose, this is _so_ unbelievably important to me. So crucial to the success of my wedding. Please take this seriously. I'm on the verge of tears here. I just want this one thing to go smoothly. You need to find the number of that café, and I need to place in a custom order for a red velvet cake." she sighed deeply. "Rose, please…I'm so exhausted I'm going cross eyed here. I just can't take it anymore. I honestly feel like I'm going to collapse here any moment."

"I'm sorry," I said truthfully. "I know you're under a lot of stress and this whole situation is too much for you to handle. I want to help my best friend in any way I can. I promise you, Lissa, that I will do anything in my power to find that damn flyer."

Planning the wedding had put a huge strain on Lissa's mental and physical health. So much so that I didn't go a minute without worrying about my best friend. I wasn't the only one who was concerned, either. Christian had become a complete Nervous Nelly when it came to his future wife. And even though I wouldn't dare admit it, I absolutely loved him for it.

"There's a reason you're my best friend in the entire world," Lissa said, and I was ecstatic and relieved to hear the grin in her voice. "I love you."

"I love you too."

There were a few moments of heavy silence, and I knew what was coming next.

"So…have you seen anymore ghosts?"

"Just like you have asked me the last thousand times, the answer is always the same: No." It was the truth. I hadn't experienced anything supernatural since Tasha's bizarre visit, which made that day seem unreal. At times I believe I had imagined the whole thing or even just dreamed it.

"Good," she breathed out in relief. "I just worry about you, you know."

"The only thing you need to worry about is your mental health. I don't know what you were thinking when you said yes to Christian." I teased.

A giggled bubbled out of her mouth. "I love him."

"I rest my case. We need to get you checked into a crazy hospital—immediately."

"He's the only man I can ever imagine myself being with. I want him by my side always. Honestly Rose, I cannot explain how strong this feeling is. All I know is that I want to spend the rest of my life with Christian."

"I'm going to throw up."

"_Rose_."

"Fine. I'll accept the whole situation." I said in defeat. "Just please…please don't reproduce with him."

"Goodnight, Rose."

"Night, Liss." I grinned brilliantly. "I _loooooooove_ you."

Though I didn't see it, I was positive she rolled her eyes and couldn't keep the smile off her face. "Yeah, yeah. Alright, take it easy. I love you too. Bye. Don't forget the number to that café!"

Just as I flipped the phone shut, it was my luck that it began to ring again. "What?" I snapped.

"Easy, love. It's just me." Adrian chuckled, and my body instantly relaxed. "I come bearing the ingredients to bake you the most epic blueberry muffins ever. Buzz me in."

A jolt of happiness and excitement—which had nothing to do with the fact that I was about to eat some seriously awesome dessert—shot through me, and, not wanting to act like a stupid girl in love, I fought the urge to squeal.

"Hmmm. I'm not sure if I should let you in."

"And why is that?"

"Because you didn't give me the magical password,"

"I got something magical for you, but it ain't got anything to do with a password." Adrian grunted. "I'll give you a hint: it's behind my zipper."

"Adrian!"

"Let me in. These muffins are getting cold!"

"They're not even baked yet."

"I was talking about my sweet ass cheeks."

Rolling my eyes, I pushed the star key, opening the gates.

"I'm coming in, love." was the last thing I heard before I slammed my cell shut.

Though I wasn't exactly proud of admitting it to myself—or accepting it—I had developed serious feelings for Adrian over the past few months we'd been dating. I had been extremely cautious at first—still was—but Adrian being the cocky bastard he was, never gave up and slowly but surely wormed his way into my life.

The thing I admired about my boyfriend was the fact that he never left me. Even when we hit bumps in our relationship—and believe me, there was plenty of them, mostly because of my own personal problems—he stuck by my side and bit the bullet. Aside from Lissa, he was my best friend. Someone I could be my true self with. Someone I could possibly fall stupidly and dangerously in love with. At the end of the day, I was blessed to have him in my life.

Excited and thrilled to spend time with Adrian, I hastily picked up the old battered box and tossed it on the top shelf of the closet. Though I felt a twinge of guilt, the duty I had of finding that old café flyer would wait until tomorrow.

Something white floated down through the air, catching my attention from my peripheral vision. I bent down and picked the piece of paper up. My heart stopped beating and I went ice to my core.

Before I could think about what I was doing, I flipped the check over and punched in the numbers written on the back.

He answered on the fourth ring, "Belikov."

Hearing that voice shot me through the sky and made the clouds my kingdom. I had the absurd urge to burst in tears. The feeling, truly indescribable in words, made me feel like I was flying home after years of being alone.

"Dimitri…" I breathed.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hey, guys! Happy Valentines Day! I'm BACK! Cop an Attitude is next to be updated! :) **


	11. Chapter 10: Deceive Me

**Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to Richelle Mead.**

**The original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story are owned by Ms. Belikov. Please do not copy, reproduce, or translate without express written permission.**

* * *

><p><strong>Previously on Saving Me…<strong>

_"Easy, love. It's just me." Adrian chuckled, and my body instantly relaxed. "I come bearing the ingredients to bake you the most epic blueberry muffins ever. Buzz me in."_

_A jolt of happiness and excitement—which had nothing to do with the fact that I was about to eat some seriously awesome dessert—shot through me, and, not wanting to act like a stupid girl in love, I fought the urge to squeal._

_"Hmmm. I'm not sure if I should let you in."_

_"And why is that?"_

_"Because you didn't give me the magical password,"_

_"I got something magical for you, but it ain't got anything to do with a password." Adrian grunted. "I'll give you a hint: it's behind my zipper."_

_"Adrian!"_

_"Let me in. These muffins are getting cold!"_

_"They're not even baked yet."_

_"I was talking about my sweet ass cheeks."_

_Rolling my eyes, I pushed the star key, opening the gates._

_"I'm coming in, love." was the last thing I heard before I slammed my cell shut._

_Though I wasn't exactly proud of admitting it to myself—or accepting it—I had developed serious feelings for Adrian over the past few months we'd been dating. I had been extremely cautious at first—still was—but Adrian being the cocky bastard he was, never gave up and slowly but surely wormed his way into my life._

_The thing I admired about my boyfriend was the fact that he never left me. Even when we hit bumps in our relationship—and believe me, there was plenty of them, mostly because of my own personal problems—he stuck by my side and bit the bullet. Aside from Lissa, he was my best friend. Someone I could be my true self with. Someone I could possibly fall stupidly and dangerously in love with. At the end of the day, I was blessed to have him in my life._

_Excited and thrilled to spend time with Adrian, I hastily picked up the old battered box and tossed it on the top shelf of the closet. Though I felt a twinge of guilt, the duty I had of finding that old café flyer would wait until tomorrow._

_Something white floated down through the air, catching my attention from my peripheral vision. I bent down and picked the piece of paper up. My heart stopped beating and I went ice to my core._

_Before I could think about what I was doing, I flipped the check over and punched in the numbers written on the back._

_He answered on the fourth ring, "Belikov."_

_Hearing that voice shot me through the sky and made the clouds my kingdom. I had the absurd urge to burst in tears. The feeling, truly indescribable in words, made me feel like I was flying home after years of being alone._

_"Dimitri…" I breathed._

* * *

><p>"Rose?" The rough voice on the other end of the line was a mix of genuine surprise, pain, and longing.<p>

Tears instantly filled my eyes and spilled onto my cheeks. "Dimitri," I sobbed, my chin quivering with the need to keep control. But I lost the battle. "Oh, God, Dimitri. I miss you so fucking much—"

"Baby?" Adrian's voice came from behind me, and I momentarily froze before slamming the phone shut.

"Hi, babe," I said hoarsely, then cleared my throat and wiped the excess water off my cheeks.

"What's wrong?" His voice instantly became concerned as he laid a firm hand on my shoulder.

"I'm just looking for a tampon," I said, angry with myself for not being able to come off the emotional rollercoaster I had just ridden. "Or a douche. Or a chocolate bar. You know…damn those womanly problems."

"Look at me."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I just…can't. Okay? Please back off."

"Okay, you need your space."

One thing I admired about Adrian was his infinite patience and understanding. He knew when to back off, and he was well aware that now was not a good time to push my buttons. The only response he would get in return was walls in his face—the mental walls I kept built around myself when I felt most threatened emotionally, when I felt as if all of my deepest and darkest secrets would spill out, when I felt as if someone could reach inside my brain and get to know me on that level. So far in my life, there had only been two people to ever get that kind of power and control over me, and those two people were my captor and Dimitri Belikov.

I thought about Adrian and the distance I forced between us, both sexually and emotionally, despite him being my boyfriend for the last half year. It was what made our relationship work, and it bothered me only when I thought about how truly vicious and deceptive that cycle was. Because of me, we never faced the problems in our relationship; we merely buried and ignored them for as long as we possibly could. Which, duh, would only make them worse and harder to mend in the end. But I didn't have to put up with them for now, and that was all that mattered. God, I was a coward.

The phone vibrated relentlessly in my hand, and when I looked down and realized who was calling over and over again, my heart pounded like a drum in my chest until all I could hear was the deafening beat.

"It's him, isn't it?" The look in Adrian's emerald eyes tore me to pieces.

"Why would you think that?"

"Because I know there is only one man in the world who can cause that kind of reaction in you," he smiled grimly, exhaustedly.

My back hit the wall and I slid down, utterly tired. "Yeah, it's Dimitri." The phone continued to vibrate non-stop, and with a cry of frustration, I flung it against the wall. Everything went silent except for my labored breathing. "I don't know what I'm doing."

"Why did you call him?"

"I honestly don't know."

"You're still in love with him, aren't you."

"No, I'm not!" My defensive tone and all too quick response spoke wonders. I looked down in shame. "Look Adrian...I just really don't know about anything anymore."

"_I don't know._ That's your answer to everything." Adrian walked over and crouched down in front of me. There was a hostile glitter to his gaze that I had never seen before. "Do you have any idea how you feel about me?"

"I like you."

"Like," he barked out a harsh laugh. "Just like? Wow, six months and the only thing you feel for me is like. I am a stupid, stupid man for letting myself develop serious feelings for you."

"I really like you, if that helps at all." I cringed, waiting for a reaction. He gave another one of those dry laughs that was infuriating, but I knew I deserved his contempt.

"You know what, Rose?" Adrian pulled a Clove out of his jacket pocket, lit it, and took a deep drag before speaking again. "I can honestly stand here and say, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I love you. Love you so goddamn much it hurts me. But sometimes love isn't enough, and I'm not going to waste my whole life waiting and hoping for something that might be nothing."

I rubbed my chest where a sharp pain suddenly occurred. The pain was stubborn and wouldn't go away. "Are you breaking up with me?"

"No," he said. "I just need a break. _We_ need a break. Some time to think things out clearly without being around one another."

"But, but Ad—"

"I don't want to hear it," he said softly. "I'm sorry Rose, but I have to do this. For me. For both of us."

When he leaned down to press a gentle kiss to my cheeks and forehead, I felt like a hopeless child being abandoned by the only person they had left. "When will I see you again?" I asked, the lump forming in my throat. "Please don't give up on me."

"Don't you ever say that." Adrian grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him. "You know I would never do that."

Then he released me, slowly stood up, and walked away without looking back.

* * *

><p>"You've got to be kidding me," I said, absolutely horrified. "The zipper won't budge? Try again! I'll suck it in even farther."<p>

Bringing my shoulders up high, I breathed in like my life depended on it and held it. Avery, the snobby young lady who worked at the bridal shop, shook her head in contempt and pulled up the zipper and...

BINGO!

"Ohmigod!" I squealed in victory. "It worked! It fits! It fits!"

"Breathe out," Avery said flatly, arm cocked on hip.

I did.

And heard a loud tearing noise.

I screamed and flipped around, trying to get a decent look of my backside through the reflection of the mirror. The satin yellow bridesmaid dress had split all the way down the middle. My eyes bulged. "What. The. Fuck."

From a faint distance, I heard Lissa's voice spilling through the hallway and I panicked.

Ripping off the ruined dress, I tossed it in Avery's face and hopped down from the stool. "She is going the choke the life out of me. Fix this as soon as possible!" I whisper yelled at the staff worker, as I sensed and heard my best friend growing nearer.

"Why?" Avery said with clear disgust, as she nonetheless hung the dress up for repairs. "It won't fit you anyways. It's too small."

Letting that one slide, I said, "I'll lose a few pounds, okay? Just take care of it and don't say a word."

It had been two weeks since I had last spoken or heard from Adrian, and it was beginning to worry me. It wasn't like him. He refused to answer any of my calls or texts, but Christian had told me yesterday that he'd spotted Adrian at a local bar getting wasted off his ass. Maybe it wasn't the best thing to discover, but at the very least, Adrian was alive. And that was reassuring.

Lissa entered the room and smiled goofily into her iPhone, "You are so full of crap, Christian! Okay. Alright. Love you too. Bye." she looked up at me. "How did everything go?"

I shot Avery a warning look and returned my eyes back to the future bride. "Swimmingly."

Lissa beamed. "Ready for lunch?"

"You betcha."

Fifteen minutes later, while we were munching at a small cafe across the street, the phone buzzed inside my pocket. Reaching inside, I pulled out the device and rolled my eyes when I read the text:

_Dinner at 7, roast beef & angel cake w/ strawberries—your favorite. Hope to see you there, Love dad_

It boggled my mind why he still sent those messages. It was a mystery Abe continued to try to reach out to me. Several months had passed since I had last seen or spoken to my parents, and to be honest, I liked to keep them at this distance.

Lissa dabbed her mouth with a napkin, and I could tell from the look in her eyes that I wasn't going to like what she was about to say.

"Don't you notice this disturbing trend?" she asked, indicating to the phone. "Dimitri, your parents, and now Adrian."

The D word stung more than I wanted it to. "I don't know what you mean." I lied, taking a sip of my water. To keep from meeting her knowing gaze, I moved the straw and stirred the lemon and ice cubes around.

"You keep pushing people away, Rose," Lissa said. "And I'm afraid I might be next."

"You know that will never happen,"

"No." my best friend said sternly. "You think that will never happen. Be brutally honest with me here Rose, did you ever think you would get to this point with the people who were closest to you?"

"No," I stated. "but I also never thought they would stab me in the back like they did."

"Tell me why you think they betrayed you."

I narrowed my eyes, feeling my blood get hotter. "You know why."

"Because they had their doubts about that one night you ended up half-dead in the hospital?" Lissa gave a short, humorless laugh. "Of course they would, that's natural. You were going through a really rough time. Anyone would think the way they did-"

"That doesn't excuse them for the way they treated me, betrayed me. When they didn't believe me, when no one believed me, when everyone I trusted and loved didn't trust me, looked at me as if I were crazy...it killed me, Lissa. Tore me apart inside. I had never felt so alone."

"Oh, baby girl." Lissa reached out and grabbed my hands, and that's when I noticed the wetness on my cheeks.

"It was the worst feeling in the world. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy." I said lowly.

"People make mistakes Rose, they're only human. I know for a fact that your parents regret the way they treated the situation, wish they'd have done things differently." she sighed heavily. "But in reality, they don't have the luxury or ability to take back what they did. They are obviously very sorry. Otherwise they wouldn't be making an effort to be apart of your life."

I stuck my chin out stubbornly, feeling defeated. God, Lissa knew how to reach and get under my skin like no other person in this world, an ability to shine a light on all of my faults and allow me to see my wrongs through a third point of view. There was a good reason she was my best friend. She was my rock, my sanity.

"I'm not going to forgive them."

"I'm not asking that of you. All I am asking of you is that you at least give your mother and father a chance...that way you can at least say you tried to get along with them. You never know how things might turn out; great or horrible, but you have to at least try." Lissa paused. "Don't make the same mistake I did, Rose. You'll have to live with that regret...if something happened to either of your parents, God forbid, it would eat at you for the rest of your life."

She blinked rapidly and tears dripped down her porcelain cheeks. "You don't want that kind of death-bed love, that kind of love you realize is there only after it is too late."

"Stop, stop. You're breaking my heart." I laughed to hide my embarrassment at the fact that we were both crying in the middle of a restaurant, but my words were as true as the sky was blue. I hated seeing her so sad, so vulnerable.

Lissa smiled and wiped her eyes, as she worked to pull herself together. "I'm not trying to make you feel bad Rose, my only wish is that you just give them one chance. One chance. I know they'll make you see your situation in a different light. You're lucky to have both of your parents that love you. Many people aren't as blessed."

I stared down at the phone for several heavy moments, ran my thumb over the keypad and screen. Then I knew what I had to do. "Okay..." I sighed. "I'll go to dinner tonight."

* * *

><p>"You can do this," I breathed out, trying to keep myself from hyperventilating. My skin was damp with fresh sweat, my stomach was knotted painfully, and my heart beat like a drum in my chest. On the drive over, I'd had to pull over four times to vomit. Thank the heavens I kept a spare toothbrush in my purse for emergencies.<p>

After a fair amount of fierce pacing in front of the door, I marched up and pounded my fist against the heavy oak wood. I instantly winced and fought the cowardly urge to run back to my car, speed off, and pretend like this whole horrific situation was just a bad dream.

The door opened and I didn't recognize the person standing there. She had to be in her mid-sixties, with exhausted, blood-shot eyes, streaks of gray in her thin hair, and fines lines over her drained face.

"Mom?"

Janine's eyes widened and she stared at me as if she'd seen a ghost. "Rosemarie? Rose? Is that you? Oh God...my daughter. My beautiful, beautiful daughter...please tell me that is really you."

Something twisted inside my chest and I had the instant urge to wrap my arms around my mother, comfort her, and just for a moment, pretend like the rest of the world and all of our problems and differences didn't exist.

So that's exactly what I did.

"Oh, mommy, mommy. Everything's okay. I'm here." I ran my fingers through her fine curls as she broke down in my embrace.

Janine Hathaway was the fighter of all fighters and quite possibly the most stubborn woman I had ever met. She didn't depend on anyone, even during the process of her divorce. But right now, she seemed tiny, like a child that had woken up from a terrible nightmare and merely needed the comfort and peace of knowing their mother was there to protect them. For a little while, our roles were reversed.

"I'm so embarrassed. I'm so sorry." Janine pulled back, shook her head, and roughly wiped away her tears. "I'm so glad you came."

My heart became a heavy weight in my chest. "Are you?" I was on emotion over-load, because I felt the simplest tasks, such as talking, were very difficult and required a lot of energy and skill.

My mother looked at me with the most humble eyes. "Yes," she said thickly. "Please come in, will you? Please. Your father will be so happy to see you."

Inside, I grew overwhelmed with the familiarity of my surroundings. The sight of my home, the smell of dinner drifting from the kitchen, brought me back to a time that was much simpler than nowadays. And for a couple of seconds, I just let myself get lost in the sheer serenity that settled over me.

"Are you hungry?" Janine asked.

"Starving."

My mother smiled brightly and seemed to have a whole new purpose. She disappeared inside the kitchen.

"Who are you." Came a rough, accented voice from behind. I turned around and felt as if I'd been stabbed in the gut.

Apparently my father had a similar reaction because he grunted loudly and the color drained from his face. "Kiz?" The breath shot out of him. "Rosemarie, is that really you?"

My chin began to shake uncontrollably. Goddamn it. I hated showing such weakness in front of my father, but I couldn't seem to stop myself. "Who were you expecting...Santa fucking Claus?" I managed a weak smile.

"Lord," Abe breathed in relief, and before I knew what had happened, I was wrapped tightly in his strong embrace. And then I was home. Or as close to the real thing as I would possibly get with Dimitri no longer apart of my life.

"Oh Kiz, I missed you so much," he hugged me, if possible, tighter. "There are no words to describe how sorry I am-"

"Shut your face," I made a sound that was a mix of a hysterical cry and a burst of giggles, which sounded so oddly hilarious that it made us both crack up.

"Will you ever forgive me?"

"You're already forgiven." I said, opening my eyes to look over my father's shoulder. My mother stood there in the doorway of the kitchen. Janine was clutching a towel to her mouth and had tears welling in her eyes. But in spite of all that, she actually looked...happy. The happiest I had ever seen her in my life.

I mouthed three words to her that fixed everything, "I love you."

"I love you too, my beautiful baby girl."

* * *

><p>"Really dad, fishing again? Ugh. Damn that precious father and daughter bonding time."<p>

Abe playfully glared at me as he set his sunhat on top of his head. "I know you don't mean that."

"True," I grinned.

Who knew the magic of one lazy sport could mend such deep family problems. Since I had reunited with my parents just a little over a weak ago, Abe had made it his life's mission to reconnect with his one and only child. And boy, that's what fishing was all about. Just the two of us on a boat for twelve hours a day, the sun beating down on our skin, and nothing but the open lake and ice-cold beers to look forward to, had done wonders to repair our relationship that had grown non-existent in the past year.

As I set up camp on board, Abe made quick work of untying the boat, hopping on, and firing up the engine. Forty five minutes later we arrived at our destination—a small, deserted island that was my father's fishing hotspot.

"Isn't it beautiful out here, Kiz?"

I took a long moment to truly absorb my surroundings, the beautiful greenery of the forest, the crisp smell of the deep-blue water, the sound of the soft waves crashing. "Yeah, it sure is. Who knew I'd be such an outdoorsy person."

"Outdoorsy." he repeated, chuckling. "Yep, just like your old man."

The quiet was comforting as he constructed our fishing poles and tied bait to their hooks.

"How are you and mom holding up?" I asked some time later.

"What do you mean?"

I didn't have to look over from my sunbathing to know that I'd upset the whole peaceful mood.

"You know exactly what I mean," I said, peeking at him through one eye. "And before you get all defensive and give me bullshit answers, just know that I am not here to judge."

"I'm not really sure about how your mother feels anymore, she hardly talks to me like she used to. And apart of me knows it's my fault, because I'm not giving her as much attention as I used to." Abe sighed and tossed out the reel. "There's no easy or simple answer to your question, Kiz, 'cause I honestly don't know. But I can assure you that I love you and your mother more than anything in this world and I promise that I will never give up trying to make our marriage a success. For it to end...that would be the last thing I would want to happen."

I smiled. "Thanks."

He looked confused as he stared out at the open water and waited for a tug. "Thanks?"

"Yeah," I said, climbing up on the edge of the boat. "That was a good answer." Then I stretched my body long and dove into the lake.

Much later, just as the sun was setting and it was about time to head in for the night, I wrapped up the fishing poles and straightened up so that my father didn't have to and he could rest during the trip back to shore. He looked so peaceful sleeping, and I hated to wake him because I knew how hard he worked.

I was just about to turn the keys in the ignition when something glinted in my peripheral vision, catching my attention. I glanced over. It was the lockbox. The one my father had sternly told me to stay away from when he'd caught me trying to pick the lock yesterday.

The bad girl in me and the buring curiosity wouldn't allow me to just walk away, so I snatched the ring of keys from the ignition and went to work. Countless, unsuccessful attempts later, I chucked them down in frustration. Then a light bulb went off in my head.

Tiptoeing over, I crouched down and patted each of my fathers pockets. Bingo. It was in his left one. Very slowly, I fished in and grabbed the key, wincing when I thought I had awoken him.

With a little victorious dance, I ran over and quickly opened the lockbox.

I wasn't sure what I expected to find. Maybe a wad of cash, a gun, or a present for my upcoming birthday. Something along those lines.

But nothing in the world could have prepared me for what was actually in that box, and my heart stopped when I picked the object up with trembling fingers.

"Oh. My. God."

The masquerade mask. The beautiful one with purple and lime-green paints, gold jewels, feathers, and glitter. The one that haunted all of my dreams. The one my captor had worn.

A deep voice came from behind me, "Haven't you ever heard the saying, 'Curiosity killed the cat'?"

Something struck me hard in the back of the head, and my whole world went black.


	12. Chapter 11: Survive Me

**A/N:** WARNING – Chapter Rated M. I had a _very_ hard time writing this, so if you don't have a tough stomach, you SHOULD SKIP THIS CHAPTER. Plenty of bad language and mostly DARK scenes. You've been warned.

Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to Richelle Mead.**

**The original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story are owned by Ms. Belikov. Please do not copy, reproduce, or translate without express written permission.**

* * *

><p><strong>Previously on Saving Me…<strong>

_Much later, just as the sun was setting and it was about time to head in for the night, I wrapped up the fishing poles and straightened up so that my father didn't have to and he could rest during the trip back to shore. He looked so peaceful sleeping, and I hated to wake him because I knew how hard he worked._

_I was just about to turn the keys in the ignition when something glinted in my peripheral vision, catching my attention. I glanced over. It was the lockbox. The one my father had sternly told me to stay away from when he'd caught me trying to pick the lock yesterday._

_The bad girl in me and the burning curiosity wouldn't allow me to just walk away, so I snatched the ring of keys from the ignition and went to work. Countless, unsuccessful attempts later, I chucked them down in frustration. Then a light bulb went off in my head._

_Tiptoeing over, I crouched down and patted each of my father's pockets. Bingo. It was in his left one. Very slowly, I fished in and grabbed the key, wincing when I thought I had awoken him._

_With a little victorious dance, I ran over and quickly opened the lockbox._

_I wasn't sure what I expected to find. Maybe a wad of cash, a gun, or a present for my upcoming birthday. Something along those lines._

_But nothing in the world could have prepared me for what was actually in that box, and my heart stopped when I picked the object up with trembling fingers._

_"Oh. My. God."_

_The masquerade mask. The beautiful one with purple and lime-green paints, gold jewels, feathers, and glitter. The one that haunted all of my dreams. The one my captor had worn._

_A deep voice came from behind me, "Haven't you ever heard the saying, 'Curiosity killed the cat'?"_

_Something struck me hard in the back of the head, and my whole world went black._

* * *

><p>Darkness surrounded me for the longest time, enveloping me in a thick, blissful blanket. My body wasn't in any pain, and perhaps, I should have just left things be. But I knew this wasn't right. Something important and urgent was calling to me, slowly dragging me to consciousness. I fought against annoying layers of invisible force, tapping into the only strength I possessed - my mental strength.<p>

I slammed into reality with a heavy groan, and if it had been physically possible, I would have jerked.

"Oh, fuck me." At least I was still able to curse, otherwise I don't think I'd have survived.

I must have done something horrible in a past life, because I was paying for it in this one. I composed a mental checklist of the all the bad things I'd done and all the people I had wronged in my life, and came to the conclusion that either Karma was a nasty bitch or I had the worst luck in the universe, because that was the only explanation that made remote sense as to why I ended up where I currently was.

Filthy. Battered. Naked. Chained up. And here comes the upper punch: I was in the exact location I had spent months locked in the previous year…my captor's playground.

Though I knew it was wishful thinking, I prayed and hoped that I was just in some horrible nightmare, one that I would soon wake up kicking and screaming from.

"Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up." I chanted uselessly, through painful, cracked lips. God, I would have killed for an ice-cold peach Snapple right now. Screw that, I would have promised my first born son for just a sip of that murky green pond, parasites and all, that my father loved to fish in.

I gasped, the air seeming to vacuum right out of my lungs. The realization of the situation was stronger than any slap to the face or punch to the gut could have been. My mind went into overdrive, my surroundings temporarily blurring and spinning before I regained control of my mental freak-out.

I only had one coherent thought that explained how I felt about it: "Oh…fuck…no."

My brain refused to accept the fact that my father had something—everything—to do with my previous, and now current, kidnapping. Just flipped the 'Close' sign and flat out refused.

I should have gone into shock right there. Just let my body and mind completely shut down. Ignorance was bliss, and ignoring reality seemed like the easiest choice to go with. But I'd be damn if I would die like this. Going without a bang wasn't Hathaway style, I was born to make some noise.

However, before I was able to shape an escape plan, I heard a click that made me freeze. My adrenaline went from zero to sixty, my breathing grew short and ragged, the fear in my veins threatening to paralyze me.

There was a loud creaking sound and a triangle of light spilled in, illuminating the dark room. My head sagged to my shoulder and I refused to look up, though my survival instincts were screaming at me when a large shadow appeared and walked towards me.

"Lift your head." Came a gravelly voice. The familiar sound was like knives to my ears.

"I said lift your head."

"No." I said lowly.

"That is not a request…that is a demand." Something in his voice was wrong. Every hair on my body stood up straight.

"Why must you make everything so difficult?"

"Go fuck yourself." I said challengingly, no longer afraid. My captor could do whatever he wanted with me, I honestly wouldn't feel a damn thing, neither physically nor emotionally. Everything shut down, thrusting me into a numb haze. Anything was better than the feeling I previously had when I realized that my father, the person put on this earth to protect me from all danger, was the one inflicting such torment on me.

A meaty hand reached out and clamped my chin, squishing my mouth together. "Look at me."

I did, and had to swallow the rising vile in the back of my throat. The identity of my captor was confirmed: Abraham Mazur, my father.

His thick, rich brown hair, identical in color to mine, was a knotted greasy mess on top of his head. His bronzed skin was filthy, covered in grime, sweat, and grease. Brown eyes, ones that used to bring me comfort and warmth and a sense of safety, were completely black; dilated, like a sharks, and I knew instantly that he was on some kind of substance. His whole demeanor and behavior were off—and not because he had just revealed his true self, but because he was higher than a kite. If I had felt anything, any shred of emotion, it would have been fear. My father was a monster, altered even more evilly by a chemical pounding in substantial amounts through his blood stream.

"You did this," I said weakly. "Wow, that was an unexpected twist! Gotta be honest here, pap…didn't see that one coming. You're good! You got me good…"

"Right where I want you." His eyes flicked back and forth so quickly across my face I thought he might have been experiencing a severe seizure, but then they traveled down my exposed body…and they glinted with a sick satisfaction. Oh, God. My captor was fascinated—obsessed—with me, and not in a healthy father-daughter fashion. Nobody should ever be looked at like that, so vulnerable and uncovered…especially not by their own parent.

My gut twisted painfully, lurching my body forward and causing me to dry heave until my insides felt like sandpaper rubbing together. "Fuck you, you sick fuck! You did this to me! You sick fuck!"

Flashbacks slammed to mind, the images flicking by so fast it was disorienting. A particular graphic one stuck to my brain like my own blood vessels.

"_Please! Stop!" I pulled on the restraints. It was no use. The chains were stainless steel and unless I morphed into Superman, I was staying right where I was. There was no getting away. I was trapped. "What do you want from me?"_

_The man came to a stop just a few feet away from me, wearing all black from his neck to his toes. The mask on his face was brilliant, with purple and lime-green paints, gold jewels, feathers, and glitter. He wore dark glasses, keeping me from seeing his eyes._

_When he spoke, I nearly jumped out of my skin. It was so deep and distorted from a small microphone machine that was attached to his earpiece and extended all the way to his mouth. "You are mine."_

"_What the hell do you want from me?" I screamed._

"_So brave," he mocked. "I know that you are afraid, female. I can smell your fear." _

_I gathered saliva in my mouth and spit, aiming for his face. It landed on his mask._

_A hand clapped against my cheek, so hard that it sent my head flying backwards, black spots clouded my vision. _

_Still, I fought. I wasn't going to give up without a fight. "You're a sick son of a bitch! Go to hell!"_

_The man slapped me again. I spit blood on the ground. "Do whatever the fuck you want with me," I grinned behind my searing pain. "I don't care. I won't feel it. Do it! Don't be a fucking coward!"_

"_I am going to teach you a lesson, female." The man unbuckled his belt, hiked his pants down to his ankles, exposing himself. _

_I whimpered, clamping my eyes shut. _

_The man grabbed my hair and yanked my head back. I screamed in pain._

"_Please…stop…don't." I begged._

"_Oh, you don't want me now, female?" That distorted voice shouted. "Too bad. Because I want you so badly." He rubbed his erection against my leg, and that's when I realized that I was naked. Naked and chained up._

"_Please! Stop!" I cried._

Snapping back to reality, my eyes went wide with terror, my limbs freezing like ice.

Abe must have seen the change. "I never raped you." he explained quickly. "I never would have done something like that, no matter how badly I wanted to."

"Well, that just makes everything better! Like one big fucking band-aid!" I said, laughing tauntingly. "You're a coward. The most pathetic, crappy excuse of life. A true waste of space. Hey, does mom know about this? I'm guessing from the expression on your face that the answer is no. 'Cause hey, if you can hide it from me, she was probably just as innocent and easily fooled."

"You are correct."

"And by the way, where's your mask and scary voice?" I said. "Never mind, I guess there's no use for it now that your big secret has been revealed."

"Shut up. Shut up!" he roared, slamming his hands over his ears and crouching down as if in agony, the veins bulging from his neck and forehead. "You are talking too much. I cannot even hear myself think!"

"Do you think God will forgive you for everything you've done?" I mocked. "Naw, you're going to burn in hell where you belong."

Abe began to pace in front of me, like a cheetah. His mind seemed elsewhere, those black eyes in another universe. And he seemed torn on something, debating something. The maniacal expression on his face was a mix of trouble and something that churned my insides—dread.

My captor had plans for me.

"I don't know what to do. I don't know what to_ fucking_ do!" he cried, lips drawn tight over his exposed teeth. My father's tempo was too quick, making me nauseous and dizzy.

"Why, Rose? Why did you do this? _Why?_" Suddenly, he stopped directly in front of me, tears in his eyes.

"I don't know, Dad. I could ask you the same question." I played with fire. The last thing you wanted to do was taunt the person that was likely to murder you. "Why did you do this, Dad? _Why?_"

"Because I love you." Abe answered simply, as if it was the answer to everything.

Unfortunately, that reason just wasn't good enough for me. I responded by rearing my body back and knocking my head against his with all possible strength and power I possessed.

"You are seriously fucking demented," I laughed, blood spilling out of my mouth and splashing onto the cracked concrete beneath my feet. Guess no one wins in the game of head butting, but it sure made me feel good to cause him even a sliver of pain.

Abe recovered quickly, came at me, and yanked on a fistful of my hair until I cried out. "Goddamn it! Why must you ruin everything! Why couldn't you just listen to me? Why did you have to go in that fucking lockbox!" he growled, continuing to yank on my tresses until it was a wonder he hadn't ripped it all out of my scalp.

"Stop," I pleaded, tears streaming down my face. "Please, just stop! I didn't do anything to you…I'm sorry. I don't want to die."

I felt entirely stupid that I had been so oblivious to the truth, never even had a single clue. The writing had been on the wall, the letters slapping me in the face. Still, I was blind to see it. But then again, any normal twenty-three year old woman would never expect their father to turn into a complete psychopathic kidnapper either.

Damn it. I had the worst luck.

"I wanted to forget about this, about everything that ever happened…just leave it all behind us and move on with our lives." Abe said. "But you had to go put your nose where it didn't belong, and now look at what you've done. You have ruined everything."

My captor looked so torn, and realization was like a bucket of ice-cold water dumped on top of my head. He was torn on a decision. Either one of two things was going to happen—he was going to allow me to live, or kill me.

My gut told me my fate would likely be the latter, and a small part of me was almost okay with that. I didn't want to live in a world where the person I loved most turned out to be the villain, the one who had put me through such emotional and physical agony. Even if by some miracle I did manage to make it out of this situation with a beating heart, I would never be the same. I had been living half a life before and now…well, I just didn't know if I had the will or want to go on. Life was evil. Death was easy, peaceful.

With a throbbing skull, a severe concussion, and aches all over my flesh and bedded deep in my muscles, I didn't think this day could have gotten much worse.

Little did I know I was so, so very wrong in thinking that.

"I need time to think. Time to figure out what I'm going to do."

"Do about what, asshole?"

"You." Abe whipped a cloth and a small brown bottle out of his back pocket, then doused it with the liquid inside.

"Oh, Chloroform...splendid, father." was all I managed to mutter before he pressed the cloth over my nose and mouth, and I breathed in the sickly sweet scent. There was no use in even bothering to struggle, it would merely waste the energy that I might need later.

Then for the second time in less than twenty-four hours, I was out like a light.

* * *

><p>I wasn't sure how long I spent in captivity. It could have been days, weeks, even months. Time was one big blur and there were periods where I forgot who I was. It didn't matter that I'd made countless vicious attempts to escape and fight back my father when he unchained me for bathroom and shower breaks, because I always ended up unsuccessful or knocked out cold. I wasn't sure how many more blows my head could take before I hit mental retardation level—at the rate I was going, it would be very soon.<p>

After what seemed like an eternity, I had grown weak and nearly given up on the hope that I would ever make it out of this situation alive. Death didn't like to be cheated, and since I had already screwed him over twice in my short twenty-three years on this earth, I think I had severely pissed the holy hell out of him. He was going to make my demise one hell of a bloody grand finale.

My captor brought in trays three times a day stacked to the maximum with yummy food, but not even the smell helped to awaken my hunger. I couldn't remember the last time I had eaten something, and as a result, my body had gotten drastically smaller and grew shockingly weak. I could barely hold my head up anymore and my sarcasm had become so lame and embarrassing that I was left with comebacks like, "You want some cheese with that whine?" when my father would cry and tell me that he didn't want to kill me, but eventually would have to.

I tried to scare him on multiple occasions by telling him that: "Everyone will get suspicious if we're both missing. The police will find out." And although it was totally cliché, I had to add in a: "You'll never get away with this!"

But then Abe would assure me that no one would get suspicious, because I was the only one missing. Apparently, he was still leading his normal life. He once told me: "I am simply the grieving, heartbroken father waiting and praying for his daughters' safe return home." And then he had smiled wickedly, and chills went up my spine.

There was a creak and I groaned weekly, turning my head to the side and peeling my eyes open.

"Breakfast." Abe told me, setting the tray down on a table beside me. "I need you to eat."

"Why don't you put your lips to my ass and kiss it?" See, my comebacks had become totally pathetic! I was truly ashamed. Somehow, I always believed I would be eternally witty, regardless of the circumstances.

"Rose." Abe said exasperatedly, walking over. He pulled the ring of keys out of his front pocket and unlocked the thick cuffs at my wrists. I felt the instant relief and rubbed my sore, boney, bruised and cut wrists. But then I remembered, hey, my hands were free. And I reared one back and went to slap my father so hard across the face.

"I knew you were going to do that." He caught my forearm mid-air and placed it back in my lap with a warning look.

That didn't stop me from punching him or attempting to bite him…or grabbing the tray and clocking it over his head, and finally, stabbing him with the spork. Sadly, it only scraped the top of his hand and pissed him off.

"Goddamn it, Rose! Stop! I'm not going to hurt you!" Abe quickly maneuvered out of my reach.

"Oh, right. You just kidnapped me twice, whipped me, and nearly raped me…but you're not going to hurt me? Thanks a lot. I feel _much_ better knowing that, pap."

"You must eat."

"Not hungry." I sat down on the ground and dropped my head. This was killing me, slowly but surely, and I couldn't wait for the moment I took my last breath and left this earth. Hopefully death would finally bring me the peace I had always longed for.

"If you do not eat, you will die."

"Bingo."

I lifted my eyes just in time to see his gaze flash violently. This was something I had been paying very close attention to lately, studying what exactly made him tick. Disobedience was it.

Maybe I was delusional, but things seemed to be getting worse for my captor lately, as if he was on some downward spiral. My theory was that the guilt was getting to him, slowly eating him alive. As the days ticked by and time was running out for him to make the decision, he was going mad.

My father knew killing me was inevitable. I was too much of a risk. There was no way he was going to set me free and jeopardize everything he had ever worked so hard for. And he was especially not going to allow me to spill his secret to the world and let everyone know that he'd kidnapped and tortured his own daughter, and that's why his only choice left was to silence me forever.

I only hoped I would starve to death before then so he wouldn't have the satisfaction.

When you're chained up in a basement for weeks at a time, with no television or anyone to talk with, and the only human being you ever see is the person you hate most during his rare visits, it gave one plenty of time to be alone to their thoughts. At times I would idly wonder how destiny would have turned out had I listened and never discovered what was inside of that lockbox.

Would I have lived a long and healthy life? Would I have gone to school and made something of myself? Would I have found love and got married? Had children with the man of my dreams?

Unfortunately, I would never know the answer to any of those questions because my time was going to be cut short very soon.

Suddenly, Dimitri's face came to mind, clear as crystal. I found myself wanting to cry at the loss of him, at the waste of possibilities, at how amazing we could have been together.

I smiled sadly, heart aching so bad it nearly paralyzed me. "Maybe in another life, my love." I whispered.

* * *

><p>"I wonder how you sleep at night knowing what you've done to me," I said, rinsing the last of strawberry conditioner out of my hair.<p>

Abe stood in the doorway of the basement bathroom, back facing me. "I don't."

"Do you think mom would stay with you if she knew everything you're hiding from her?" I asked, turning off the running water and reaching for a towel.

"Please do not bring your mother into this."

"Why not? Don't you think she deserves to know all of your lies?"

"Don't. Just don't please…she is so innocent."

"And I wasn't before you pulled all of this shit?"

"What do you want me to do about it? I am unable to take back the past."

"You could start by letting me go."

"You know I can't do that." He rested his face in his hands, voice strained.

"Where does Janine think you are right now?" I demanded, hoping to draw a reaction out of him.

"Work."

"Clever excuse. She probably bought it without even blinking an eye. But then again, why shouldn't she? It's not like you've given her a reason to believe that you're a complete fucking lunatic." I quickly pulled the clean t-shirt and sweatpants over my body. My captor allowed me to wear clothes, which was always a plus. Without glancing in the mirror, I quickly tied my hair up and went to my father, wrists pushed out towards him.

Physical attacks proved to be ineffective, so I had to go with another strategy.

I was going to push Abe to the maximum, twist his mind, and get him to the point where he is so intensely angry that he doesn't act or think straightly. Then wait for a slip up.

Or at least hope and pray for one.

"I hate you." I told him as he shackled me up.

Abe instantly stopped what he was doing, standing up straight. "You don't mean that."

"Are you insane—oh wait, you are. Forget I asked that question." I said. "How about another one. Do you remember that time you sewed my lips shut to teach me a lesson?"

Eyes darkened, jaw clenched. "What are you trying to do?"

I shrugged as best I could with my arms in their current positions. "Just taking a trip down memory lane. What about that time you bit me and took a chunk out of my flesh? Do you remember that, daddy?"

"Don't call me that."

"Why not? You used to love it."

"Stop it."

"Why?"

I gasped in his pain when his hand clapped against my cheek. "Damn it! I have a filling on that side!"

"I need to go before I do something I'll later regret." Fresh sweat bloomed over Abe's skin and he began visibly shaking. _Lose control_, I thought with satisfaction, _that's exactly right_. The tables had turned, now I was the puppet master toying with his head.

I laughed incredulously. "You are a coward."

"What?"

"_Cow-ard_." I overly enunciated, as if he was stupid. "You're a coward. A pussy. The biggest vagina I know!"

My captor turned around, smiled cruelly. "You never know when to shut your mouth, do you?"

"You think I'm afraid of you anymore? No! You make me laugh. You are so incredibly pathetic I'm not sure why I waste my time and energy speaking to you." I said truthfully. "Ever since you took off that mask and I discovered the real you, I no longer feel fear. You know what I feel? Disgust. Loathing. _Pity._"

The look in his eyes was hellish. "I'll teach you a lesson you won't soon forget."

Abe came at me and unlocked my restraints so quickly my head spun. Then he did exactly what I wanted him to do.

He threw me on the ground and jumped on top of me, all of his weight pressed against my body.

"No! No! Please stop…I'm sorry." The wind rushed out of my lungs, and panic settled in…along with adrenaline.

As he started to yank on my pants, my hand clawed over and hooked firmly on one of the chairs legs. The chair that he put in there for my comfort when I ate—or didn't eat, as it was. The chair that had been damaged during one of our previous struggles. The chair that could very possibly save my life.

Luckily, my captor was oblivious to the entire thing. Probably because he was too occupied trying to tear off my clothes.

Using my surge of super human strength, I gritted my teeth and yanked as hard as I could.

Abe paused for a nanosecond, but it was already too late. I clutched the weapon with both hands, and plunged the sharp wood straight into his back. He grunted in pain and shock sparkled in his eyes.

My adrenaline was pumping so fast I wasn't really sure all that was going on. All I knew was that I had to get out. Now.

Despite the fact that my father had to weigh over two-hundred pounds, I rolled him off me as if he was merely a feather. Then I jumped to my feet and was ready to bail like the roof was about to cave in.

But then I looked back down at my father, the way he blinked slowly, the painful rise and fall of his impaled chest.

And I couldn't just leave. Revenge burned deep in my body, igniting every fiber of my essence.

I became a monster.

Reaching down, I twisted the chair leg out of his chest, which was harder than I first assumed. Lifting it over my head, I aimed for his head and brought the weight down hard.

"_Ughhhhhh_." Abe screamed in agony, but soon became quiet after a few more blows.

I continued to mercilessly strike my captor, each blow seeming to carry more force than the last one. Channeling all of my pent up rage, hurt, and betrayal, which turned out to be one hell of a combination, I beat him until I was sure he had stopped breathing. And even then, I didn't quit. Blood splattered with each impact, covering me until my senses were overloaded with the feel, smell, and taste of the vital, crimson liquid.

Distantly, I was aware of the screams and cries exploding from my lips. The sounds, filled with such crippling anguish, would have broken anyone's heart.

"Why, you motherfucker? WHY!" I demanded, still clutching the splintered piece of wood defensively. But then I dropped the makeshift weapon, and completely lost it.

"I didn't deserve this, damn it! Why would you do this to me, daddy? You are supposed to protect me. You are supposed to protect me…" I sobbed, dropping to my knees.

I wanted to lay there and die with my father. Despite the fact that I'd finally defeated the bad guy, this didn't feel like a happy ending, and I lost all will to survive. Slowly, I curled around Abe's disfigured and unrecognizable body, finding myself wanting to join him in the afterlife.

But then Lissa's face came to mind, followed by my mothers. I realized that there was no option but to keep living, because I had to go on for them. Their pleading, tear-filled eyes brought me out of lethargy, and I got to my feet with dragging, robotic movements.

I had a reason to live…they were my reason to live. There was no way I could destroy the two women I loved most by allowing myself to be that selfish as to end my own life. Especially my mother. My innocent, innocent mother. She couldn't lose the only man she had ever loved and her daughter. I couldn't imagine how she'd react to the news of my father's true identity.

I ran out of the basement as fast as I could, taking the steps three at a time. Upstairs, I was shocked at my surroundings. A beautiful, modern cabin with homey furniture. Had I not been in such a hurry to escape, I would have taken the time to appreciate it.

I headed for the first door I saw and nearly plowed through the thing with the momentum and force I threw behind my shoulder. I jiggled the doorknob several more times. "Damn it!"

Not wasting any time, I sprinted for the next one. Locked. Then the next one. Same result.

"Son of a bitch, son of a bitch, son of a bitch, son of a bitch!" I cursed nastily, after having tried every possible door unsuccessfully. "You've got to be kidding me!"

My adrenaline was through the roof, hands shaking uncontrollably, blood pumping, breathing raggedly. I felt powerful, kind of like a super hero.

The next action was to pick up the closest object to me, which happened to be a pretty polished rocking chair, and launch it against the living room window. It didn't shatter like I'd hoped.

Stumped, I grabbed one of the fancy metal tools next to the fire place. Holding the object like a baseball, I swung like Babe Ruth, putting all of my weight and strength behind it.

Not even a scratch on the glass.

"What. The. Fuck." I growled. "Bullet proof glass? You cannot be serious." I had to give my father props—that man came prepared.

Figuring that wasn't the only indestructible window in the cabin, I did the last thing I ever wanted to do. I went back into the basement. Right back to my captor.

Nauseated and sweating profusely, I hurriedly searched through his pockets and retrieved the ring of keys with a heart that was racing a million miles an hour.

Maybe it was childish and risky, even a waste of time, but I couldn't leave without doing one last thing—drop kicking my father in his groin area. It did little to satisfy me because he didn't move or even groan.

I didn't have it in me to look back at the chains hooked to the wall, the place where I spent roughly a year of my life. It would only slow me down. So without casting a glance over my shoulder, I ran for the stairs once again.

Something wet, cold and fleshy wrapped around my ankle. I screamed.

"Kiz…help me." Abe pleaded, voice so low and pain filled I could barely hear him. "You can't just leave me here to die. I'm your father."

"Go to hell!" The lockbox was in arms reach, so I grabbed the heavy metal thing, and smashed it as hard as I could against his head, knocking him out cold. If he hadn't been dead before, he certainly was now.

I tore up the stairs and went for the first door I saw. With shaky, bloody hands, I went through four keys before the door swung open.

Outside. I was surrounded by a forest. For the first time in what seemed like forever, I felt the urge to smile and scream with joy. Cold, crisp air blew my matted hair back and I breathed the damp air in deeply. There was a lake nearby, and a light bulb burst in my brain.

"The boat." I gasped, and darted off towards my possible freedom.

"Help me! _PLEASE!_ I need help! Is anyone out there?"

I stopped dead in my tracks.

That voice didn't belong to my fathers.

Oh, God.

Someone else was in that cabin.

I turned around and ran back inside the cabin, only hoping that I hadn't fallen for another one of my captors tricks.


	13. Chapter 12: Test Me

**A/N:**

******Happy belated 1st Birthday, Saving Me!******

I cannot believe it has been over a year since I've first published this story. Woo hoo! I want to let you all know that this chapter was also very difficult for me to write, and therefore is rated M. Read on with caution. Enjoy!

~Ms. Belikov

* * *

><p><em><strong>Previously on Saving Me…<strong>_

_Abe paused for a nanosecond, but it was already too late. I clutched the weapon with both hands, and plunged the sharp wood straight into his back. He grunted in pain and shock sparkled in his eyes._

_My adrenaline was pumping so fast I wasn't really sure all that was going on. All I knew was that I had to get out. Now._

_Despite the fact that my father had to weigh over two-hundred pounds, I rolled him off me as if he was merely a feather. Then I jumped to my feet and was ready to bail like the roof was about to cave in._

_But then I looked back down at my father, the way he blinked slowly, the painful rise and fall of his impaled chest._

_And I couldn't just leave. Revenge burned deep in my body, igniting every fiber of my essence._

_I became a monster._

_Reaching down, I twisted the chair leg out of his chest, which was harder than I first assumed. Lifting it over my head, I aimed for his head and brought the weight down hard._

_"Ughhhhhh." Abe screamed in agony, but soon became quiet after a few more blows._

_I continued to mercilessly strike my captor, each blow seeming to carry more force than the last one. Channeling all of my pent up rage, hurt, and betrayal, which turned out to be one hell of a combination, I beat him until I was sure he had stopped breathing. And even then, I didn't quit. Blood splattered with each impact, covering me until my senses were overloaded with the feel, smell, and taste of the vital, crimson liquid._

_Distantly, I was aware of the screams and cries exploding from my lips. The sounds, filled with such crippling anguish, would have broken anyone's heart._

_"Why, you motherfucker? WHY!" I demanded, still clutching the splintered piece of wood defensively. But then I dropped the makeshift weapon, and completely lost it._

_"I didn't deserve this, damn it! Why would you do this to me, daddy? You are supposed to protect me. You are supposed to protect me…" I sobbed, dropping to my knees._

_I wanted to lay there and die with my father. Despite the fact that I'd finally defeated the bad guy, this didn't feel like a happy ending, and I lost all will to survive. Slowly, I curled around Abe's disfigured and unrecognizable body, finding myself wanting to join him in the afterlife._

_But then Lissa's face came to mind, followed by my mothers. I realized that there was no option but to keep living, because I had to go on for them. Their pleading, tear-filled eyes brought me out of lethargy, and I got to my feet with dragging, robotic movements._

_I had a reason to live…they were my reason to live. There was no way I could destroy the two women I loved most by allowing myself to be that selfish as to end my own life. Especially my mother. My innocent, innocent mother. She couldn't lose the only man she had ever loved and her daughter. I couldn't imagine how she'd react to the news of my father's true identity._

_I ran out of the basement as fast as I could, taking the steps three at a time. Upstairs, I was shocked at my surroundings. A beautiful, modern cabin with homey furniture. Had I not been in such a hurry to escape, I would have taken the time to appreciate it._

_I headed for the first door I saw and nearly plowed through the thing with the momentum and force I threw behind my shoulder. I jiggled the doorknob several more times. "Damn it!"_

_Not wasting any time, I sprinted for the next one. Locked. Then the next one. Same result._

_"Son of a bitch, son of a bitch, son of a bitch, son of a bitch!" I cursed nastily, after having tried every possible door unsuccessfully. "You've got to be kidding me!"_

_My adrenaline was through the roof, hands shaking uncontrollably, blood pumping, breathing raggedly. I felt powerful, kind of like a super hero._

_The next action was to pick up the closest object to me, which happened to be a pretty polished rocking chair, and launch it against the living room window. It didn't shatter like I'd hoped._

_Stumped, I grabbed one of the fancy metal tools next to the fire place. Holding the object like a baseball bat, I swung like Babe Ruth, putting all of my weight and strength behind it._

_Not even a scratch on the glass._

_"What. The. Fuck." I growled. "Bullet proof glass? You cannot be serious." I had to give my father props—that man came prepared._

_Figuring that wasn't the only indestructible window in the cabin, I did the last thing I ever wanted to do. I went back into the basement. Right back to my captor._

_Nauseated and sweating profusely, I hurriedly searched through his pockets and retrieved the ring of keys with a heart that was racing a million miles an hour._

_Maybe it was childish and risky, even a waste of time, but I couldn't leave without doing one last thing—drop kicking my father in his groin area. It did little to satisfy me because he didn't move or even groan._

_I didn't have it in me to look back at the chains hooked to the wall, the place where I spent roughly a year of my life. It would only slow me down. So without casting a glance over my shoulder, I ran for the stairs once again._

_Something wet, cold and fleshy wrapped around my ankle. I screamed._

_"Kiz…help me." Abe pleaded, voice so low and pain filled I could barely hear him. "You can't just leave me here to die. I'm your father."_

_"Go to hell!" The lockbox was in arms reach, so I grabbed the heavy metal thing, and smashed it as hard as I could against his head, knocking him out cold. If he hadn't been dead before, he certainly was now._

_I tore up the stairs and went for the first door I saw. With shaky, bloody hands, I went through four keys before the door swung open._

_Outside. I was surrounded by a forest. For the first time in what seemed like forever, I felt the urge to smile and scream with joy. Cold, crisp air blew my matted hair back and I breathed the damp air in deeply. There was a lake nearby, and a light bulb burst in my brain._

_"The boat." I gasped, and darted off towards my possible freedom._

_"Help me! PLEASE! I need help! Is anyone out there?"_

_I stopped dead in my tracks._

_That voice didn't belong to my fathers._

_Oh, God._

_Someone else was in that cabin._

_I turned around and ran back inside the cabin, only hoping that I hadn't fallen for another one of my captors tricks._

* * *

><p>My run back inside was sloppy, yet determined. I spilled through the door of the cabin, my limbs a poor mess. It was beyond me that I hadn't collapsed yet. My body was beyond exhaustion, the need to shut down burning deep in my veins. But the adrenaline igniting my blood on fire wouldn't allow me to stop, and by some miracle I tracked the pleas for help to a locked door at the end of a hallway.<p>

Two hard kicks and the wood splintered all the way down the middle. I was on a roll with my seemingly super hero like strength. I shoved the wood aside; not even registering the bloody splinters planted deep in my palms, and entered the dimly lit room without fear.

A whimper met my ears, and my head snapped over to the side. A naked young woman, no older than I was, hung from a set of shackles that was identical to the ones in the basement.

Disgust pooled in my body, followed by overwhelming waves of acidic hatred. Heat scorched my skin, and my heart turned to ice. Murder was quick on its heels.

Though my brain was a stubborn son of a bitch and didn't want me to accept the fact that my father was my captor, it was something I would eventually have to deal with. But this…this was beyond anything I had ever seen, done, or heard of. It was something out of a horror movie. Something that was very real and happening at this very moment.

Abe hadn't just kidnapped his biological daughter. He'd also kidnapped his biological daughters close friend. And chained her. And tortured her. And by the looks of it, I was lucky—he'd also raped her. The layers of yellowing and fresh, black bruises on the inside of her thighs, along with smudges of dried blood, were proof of it.

"Rose," she whimpered, golden eyes shimmery with unshed tears. "Please help me."

"Sydney," I whispered weakly, my heart breaking at the sight of her. "I'll kill him."

My body flipped around and marched towards the door. My stride was purposeful, my fists clenched and ready to cause Abe all the pain he'd caused both of us naïve, innocent girls. Except that wouldn't make a difference.

"It won't help," Sydney croaked. "You could put a bullet in his head and nothing's going to change, Rose. It will all still be the same."

I turned around and immediately started trying keys to unlock the shackles. "I'm getting you out of here," I told her. "I promise that I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

"There's no town around here for at least a hundred and fifty miles," Sydney said. "There's no way we're going to make it."

"Boat. Out on the dock. I have the keys to it." I stated, breathing raggedly. Relief—and a shred of hope—passed over her delicate, small features, and I stopped for a minute and just stared at her.

"I'm so sorry," I said heavily, a painful lump forming in my throat. "I'm so fucking sorry this happened to you."

"Rose, look at me," she commanded. "Did you do this to me?"

"No."

"Then shut the fuck up and pull your shit together because we got a mission to finish."

Very true. And our lives depended on the outcome of the operation. It was a good thing I managed well under pressure.

The last time I had heard from Sydney was graduation back in 2008. Too bad our reunion turned out to be so sour. As a graduation gift, Sydney's parents bought her a one-way ticket to Europe and months after their daughters departure, the town had come to believe she'd met a foreign hunk and decided to stay.

Evidently, that little story was far from the truth.

The heavy chains fell to the ground, and I yelped in victory. Three unlocked cuffs later, she was free.

"Here. Take my clothes." I said, immediately beginning to remove my shirt.

"No. Wait." Sydney's palm locked around my wrist, stopping me. "There's gotta be something out there."

I followed her to the doorframe, where fear stopped her and she warily peaked her head out and checked the surroundings. "The coast is clear," she stuck her thumb up.

"Yeah," I said, remembering the gruesome scene in the basement and my father's unmoving body. "I think he's going to be out for a while."

Sydney visibly shivered, then quickly pulled herself together and began ransacking the cabin. Luckily, there was a robe hanging in the bathroom and she quickly slipped it over her bare body.

Amazement sparkled in her gaze as she smoothed her hands down the soft blue cloth. "This is the first time I've worn something in years," she said.

Anguish weighed heavy in my chest, and the burning curiosity was erased. I'd wanted to ask her how long she'd been in my father's captivity, and now I knew the answer.

"I feel oddly protected because of this," Sydney's voice cracked, and she did her best to force a smile. "Anyways, come on. Let's get the fuck out of here."

Outside, we sprinted as fast as our bodies would take us towards the lake, hands locked together.

"Find out which key it is," I chucked the ring at her as soon as we reached the dock, then made quick work of untying the ropes that were hooked to the boat.

Like a champ, Sydney wasted no time jumping aboard and frantically attending to the task I had assigned for her.

"I got it!" she screamed at the top of her lungs a moment later, and the engine roared to life. "I got it! LET'S GO!"

The final rope came undone, and I was prepared to hop on the water vehicle.

A shot rang out, and my whole world stopped. Everything went by in slow motion, the silence in my ears numbing. Then the peace shattered like glass.

"My shoulder's on fire!" I screamed in agony at the pain exploding on the left side of my body. "_My shoulder is on fire!_"

But then I looked down, and realized I had been shot. Abe stood there, looking like hell on earth, a rifle at his side.

"Where do you think you're going?" My captor's voice was all gravel.

"How are you still alive?" I voiced aloud. And then it hit me.

He didn't even seem to notice Sydney, and this was her only chance to get away. If you did the math, one life lost was always favorable over two.

"GO!" I screamed so loud it felt as if my lungs would burst. "Go now, while you still have the chance!"

Sydney eyes flickered between Abe and me, an internal war raging in her honey-colored gaze. She was torn between helping her friend and going straight back into the lions den with the man she feared most on this planet.

It was do or die time.

"Get the fuck out of here, idiot! I said go!"

By now, the pain in my shoulder had faded under my hysteria. If she was safe, then I could die peacefully knowing that I had rescued her from a monster. The importance of my life paled significantly in comparison to hers. She was all that mattered.

"I have to keep the promise I made to you," I pleaded. "Please…at least save yourself."

Tears streamed down her face as she said, "I promise that I will come back for you." The boat tore off in the opposite direction, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

Multiple gun shots rang out. I looked up in horror. My father was aiming at the boat, one eye shut like a crocodile.

It was unreal and nearly inhuman how fast I moved. Before I'd registered what happened, Abe—along with his deadly weapon—were pushed into the lake.

Knowing that Sydney was free and on her way to freedom, I wasted no time thinking about my own safety for once. Within several seconds, I was deep in the heart of the forest, hidden from my captor's view.

I was safe, for now at least, and that was all that mattered. The legs that felt like jelly gave out under the pressure of my weight, and my body slumped to the damp ground of the earth.

When I gave it some thought, I realized that I should have been in some amount of pain, even if it was in small quantity. Looking down, the left side of my body was a bloody mess. Dry and fresh crimson trails crawled their way down my arm as the cherry-colored liquid continued to pump more out of my gaping wound. Considering how much blood I had lost, it was a miracle I hadn't passed out yet.

Trees and the baby-blue sky spun, and dizziness was all that I knew. "Mother-fucking-fucker. Spoke too soon." I mumbled, as awareness floated farther and father away. That was all that I remembered before my head thumped against the forest floor and everything went black.

* * *

><p>When I awoke, it was night outside. The pouring rain was bittersweet—it helped to wash off all the dried blood, but also made me feel as if I'd frozen into an ice-cube.<p>

I went to sit up, and discovered that all feeling had returned to my body. A scream of agony rushed from my lips. Gritting my teeth and telling myself to quit being a little bitch, I inspected the wound.

My jerking movement had torn open the clotted blood on the surface, and fresh blood began to drip out. Tapping into my fighter side, it took everything in me—and several pathetic stumbles—to climb to my feet.

Fresh tears welled in my eyes from the pain, and I felt immensely embarrassed. It was just one lousy bullet in my shoulder. I needed to get over it!

I felt tremendously faint from the blood loss, but there was no way I'd let myself fall down again. Battling through the dizzy spells and temporary blackouts, I put one foot in front of the other and forced myself to keep walking. I had no destination in mind; all I knew was that I had to keep moving because my life depended on it.

Direction was something I had no sense of, and it was just my luck that I made it to my captor's luxurious cabin. Hiding behind a tree, I peaked around and watched Abe.

He appeared a little more than pissed. Shirtless and soaked from head to toe, he slammed the hood of his old red truck shut and hopped into the cab. He turned the keys in the ignition, and the vehicle growled in protest several times before he gave up and cursed nastily.

A little part of me died when I realized he couldn't start the truck, because I was crazy enough in the first place to believe that could have been a possible escape route. But I had to keep hope alive. It was the only thing I had left.

My father stomped to a shed and scrambled noises erupted from there. To get a better view of what was going on, I inched around the tree. I failed to notice a piece of bark sticking out from the trunk, and the sharp edge slid through my laceration like butter.

I cried out viciously, and Abe's head snapped up. We made eye contact.

He advanced on me at a dead run, and I turned around and ran like there was no tomorrow.

I didn't look back, even when I heard his pursuing foot steps grow louder and closer. The rough, uneven ground clawed at my bare feet until they were raw and bleeding. It didn't slow me down in the slightest. However, my father did.

When I knew he was directly behind me and made his move to advance down on me, my body didn't hesitate. I reacted strictly on instinct, and swiftly spun around and clocked him directly in his face with my fist.

Blood sprayed out of his already ruined face, but did little to stop him. Adrenaline and rage were one hell of a cocktail, evidently. This man was a machine, a monster, and it took little effort on his part to throw me to the ground and get on top of me.

All hope vanished when his hands clenched around my throat and began to squeeze the life out of me. I made useless pleads for God to allow me to see one more sunrise.

I reached up far and clawed at his face, aiming for his eyes, but that only seemed to anger him even more.

My lungs burned from lack of oxygen, and dark spots danced before me.

It was all or nothing. Before consciousness floated away from me, I made one last attempt to escape. Bringing both of my arms up, I clapped my hands against his ears as hard as I could. Then kneed him in the groin area, figuring it might buy me some more time.

When Abe roared in pain and rolled off me, clenching the sides of his head, I knew I had busted his eardrums.

I jumped to my feet and headed for the lake, as my captor rolled around on the ground.

He wouldn't be down for long.

"Fuck!" The mud slowed me down. It grew to be so heavy and thick as I neared the edge of the forest that it reached past my knees. The pouring rain didn't help, either.

I eventually made it out towards shore and jumped into the ice-cold water.

"Rosemarie!"

Fear threatened to cripple me, but I continued to slip lower and lower into the water. The bitter temperature made my limbs stiff and teeth chatter as it reached to just below my nose.

"You think you can hide from me?" Abe asked, stumbling towards the beach.

I inched below the dock and prayed the shadows of the dark waters would camouflage me. Hiding was my best option. From all the stress and overexertion my body had been put through, I knew death was creeping up on me. I prayed but didn't think I could go on much longer. There's only so much one person can take, both mentally and physically.

"How long do you think you will survive?" My captor demanded, stepping onto the long, narrow dock. He looked all around him, at the forest, far out in the water, where the water met the sand, and I breathed a sigh of relief. He had no clue where I might be, he just pretended like he did to intimidate me.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Kiz. I need you to let me help you." Abe said in his calming voice. He waited several heavy moments in silence for a response, and when there wasn't one, he showed his true sinister self.

"You'll have to come out eventually!" he growled. "If that wound isn't patched up soon, you will bleed to death."

As he talked, he unknowingly drew closer to where I floated. The old wood creaked beneath the weight of him, and his heavy boots cast a shadow on my face. He stopped and became deadly silent.

I held my breath.

Abe swore and stomped back to land and lay down on the beach, crossing his arms behind his head.

"I will wait for you, my love." he said finally, a dark smile curving his mouth. "I just know you'll come around. There is no escaping me…even in death."

I stayed exactly where I was. Better to be killed by hypothermia than by the hands of my own father.

* * *

><p><em>Noise.<em>

I gasped, my eyelids flew open. The water was a deep navy-blue, the sky a pale, misty gray.

_Engines._

It had to be no later than six AM, considering the sun hadn't peaked over the mountains yet.

_Sirens. _

Had I actually fallen asleep? How had I not drowned? I gazed up at my hands, which were locked so tightly around the wood of the dock that they were bleeding and sprinkled with splinters.

_Voices. _

My head snapped up. There was a swarm of police vehicles, and more continued to magically show. I smiled, a sense of safety blanketing me. Sydney had went all out. I expected nothing less from the girl.

The noise was deafening. How had Abe not woken up?

I didn't care. I emerged from the water and ran up the beach as fast as I could, crying out with joy and relief.

Everything happened so fast there was no time to register it.

Something changed in the police officers' expressions, they became more tense, more alarmed.

The one closest shouted something at me, but I didn't hear it.

My whole world went backwards as something grabbed onto my hair and yanked me to a stop. Then I felt a stabbing pain in my back as the blade plunged deep into me.

A popping noise rang out, and I looked over my shoulder.

A small red dot formed on the left side of Abe's chest. He blinked heavily once, and slumped to the ground.

I turned around and continued towards the cops. A smile appeared on my face when I saw Sydney exit the back of a flashing vehicle, the expression on her face frantic. She had come back for me just like she'd promised. She had saved me.

_Snap. _

I looked down. "A bear trap. You've got to be fucking kidding me."

My body collapsed, the pain unlike anything I had ever known. The world spun wildly and I blinked slowly. Something flashed before my vision, and I used my last bit of consciousness to see what it was.

A very tall, gorgeous man came at me.

"Hey Comrade," I grinned stupidly. "Good to have you back."

And then I blacked out.


	14. Chapter 13: Heal Me

**A/N:**

Thank you all so much for the awesome reviews and endless support! =) A reviewer pointed out a big mistake I made last chapter - Sydney **_accidentally _**appeared two times in Saving Me, earlier as a waitress and later as a kidnap victim. I'm sorry for such an obvious mistake, it can be very difficult to keep track of characters when you're writing several stories at the same time! :P I will fix this mistake **_very_** soon.

This chapter leaves lots of questions hanging in the air, but I promise you they will ALL be answered soon! Enjoy!

~Ms. Belikov

**Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to Richelle Mead.**

**The original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story are owned by Ms. Belikov. Please do not copy, reproduce, or translate without express written permission.**

* * *

><p><strong>Previously on Saving Me...<strong>

_I turned around and continued towards the cops. A smile appeared on my face when I saw Sydney exit the back of a flashing vehicle, the expression on her face frantic. She had come back for me just like she'd promised. She had saved me._

_Snap. _

_I looked down. "A bear trap. You've got to be fucking kidding me."_

_My body collapsed, the pain unlike anything I had ever known. The world spun wildly and I blinked slowly. Something flashed before my vision, and I used my last bit of consciousness to see what it was._

_A very tall, gorgeous man came at me._

_"Hey Comrade," I grinned stupidly. "Good to have you back."_

_And then I blacked out._

* * *

><p>"If those fucking cops had just listened to me and gotten there sooner…"<p>

Hey, I recognized that voice.

"You did the best you could,"

That one sounded oddly familiar, too.

"Clearly, my best wasn't good enough." A tight, female voice said.

"I'm just glad both of you are safe now," Now that vacant voice made my heart clench. "It cannot change what has already been done, but it will stop any further damage."

A soft crying noise drifted over to my ears, and I tried to say something, but couldn't get my mouth to open for the life of me.

_Hello! HELLO!_ I screamed.

No one heard me.

_I'm right here! Somebody please help me!_

Paralyzed.

I couldn't move.

Claustrophobia drowned me in darkness, followed by panic as flashbacks slammed into my brain.

_"My shoulder's on fire!" I screamed in agony at the pain exploding on the left side of my body. "My shoulder is on fire!"_

I couldn't breathe.

_Please let me out of here! _My body began to thrash wildly, but something told me nobody could save me.

_Blood sprayed out of his already ruined face, but did little to stop him. Adrenaline and rage were one hell of a cocktail, evidently. This man was a machine, a monster, and it took little effort on his part to throw me to the ground and get on top of me._

_All hope vanished when his hands clenched around my throat and began to squeeze the life out of me. I made useless pleads for God to allow me to see one more sunrise._

_I reached up far and clawed at his face, aiming for his eyes, but that only seemed to anger him even more._

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

_Something changed in the police officers' expressions, they became more tense, more alarmed._

_The one closest shouted something at me, but I didn't hear it._

_My whole world went backwards as something grabbed onto my hair and yanked me to a stop. Then I felt a stabbing pain in my back as the blade plunged deep into me._

_A popping noise rang out, and I looked over my shoulder._

_A small red dot formed on the left side of his chest. He blinked heavily once, and slumped to the ground._

Distantly I was aware of a machine screaming frantically, followed by complete chaos.

"Everybody out! I need everybody out right now!" A male voice commanded. Orders were shouted out, and in the background, a woman screamed helplessly as she fought against whoever forced her out of the room.

As for me, it got better. My world began to fade farther and farther away from my reach, the fuzziness completely engulfing my body, mind, and soul.

And then everything stopped completely.

Was I dead?

* * *

><p>This time when I woke up, I wasn't drenched in dread, which was a good thing.<p>

Another good thing—I had the ability to open my eyes.

I blinked heavily several times, my lids feeling like two fifty-pound dumbbells.

The blaring light from above blinded me, and I quickly squeezed my eyes shut. "Ugh. Son of a bitch!"

There was a shuffling noise to my left, followed by soft yet purposeful footsteps. The level of instinct in my body kicked up to the sky, and I unleashed a swift attack. Something caught my wrist mid-strike.

"Rose." That gravelly, accented voice, as corny as it sounded, was like heaven to my ears.

"Dimitri?" I croaked, locking eyes with him. "Dimitri? Is that you?"

"It's me. I'm here."

"Where have you been?" Something snapped inside of me like a rubber band, and I just couldn't stop. "Why did you leave me? Damn it. _Goddamn it!_"

Ignoring the way my body screamed in protest, I locked my arms around his neck and hugged him with everything in me. I loved the way he held me back like he never wanted to let go.

"I missed you so fucking much." Tears spilled down my cheeks, and I didn't give a damn.

"I missed you, Roza." The longing and pain in his voice was unmistakable. My chest burned and tightened in response. A hand drifted up the back of my neck and wrapped in my tangled hair.

Closing my eyes, I took a long moment to fully absorb him. The way his hard, large body made me feel safer than I had been in a long time. The natural scent of his skin that made my heart pound. The unbreakable embrace that brought me home.

I was exactly where I belonged.

Dimitri was the love of my life, and I couldn't believe that I'd pushed him back, forced him to stay away from me. Never would I make that mistake again. I needed him like the air I breathed, and not just because of what I'd recently been put through.

He pulled back, and my fingers tightened in his shirt, but it was only to stare into my eyes. His bottomless gaze was something that would forever bring me warmth, familiarity…love.

There it was. I saw it in the way he looked at me. He loved me as much as I loved him.

Dimitri pressed his forehead to mine for a moment, then kissed me so gently it made me cry harder.

"Back up," I said, half laughing and sobbing. "I haven't brushed my teeth in…"

"Four days."

"FOUR DAYS!" I exclaimed. "I've been out for that long?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"You sustained significant injuries."

The memories of my captor were like bullets through my heart. "Oh, right."

Dimitri stood up straight, brushed a lock of hair out of my face. The look in his eyes was vacant, distant, violent. It threatened to send chills up my spine, but I'd already seen so much, nothing really scared me anymore.

I captured his hand and pressed a kiss to his palm.

"I won't ever leave you again, no matter what you say or do to get me to go away." Dimitri told me. "I will protect you Roza, and make sure that you are always safe and taken care of."

I gazed at the bandage on my shoulder. The cast wrapped around my foot and leg. "I need more drugs."

He chuckled richly. God, I loved his laugh.

"Where are you going?" My heart dropped, absolute terror freezing my entire essence.

"The doctor. He needs to be informed that you've awoken."

I nodded my head rapidly, trying to convince myself everything was going to be okay and Dimitri wasn't going far.

The door opened and he disappeared. I waited anxiously, doing my best to stay calm. The beeping of the heart machine grew louder. With each nurse and doctor that passed by, I'd jump and get severely annoyed with myself. Why was I so afraid?

Suddenly, an ominous feeling consumed me. I held my breath, fresh sweet blooming over my skin.

Several more nurses passed by, pushing a male patient on a stretcher. The man turned his head towards me.

"Kiz," Abe grinned sinisterly, distorted mouth full of dark blood. "There is no escaping me…even in death."

I screamed.

Dimitri was before me in a flash. "What's wrong, Rose? _Rose. _Say something."

Fear closed up my throat, the words sucked right out of my lungs. I lifted my arm and pointed at the hallway, hand shaking uncontrollably. "A-a-a-a…Abe. Abe."

But then I blinked, and the patients face vanished into a stranger. An average looking, middle-aged man being treated for an ugly gash across his chest.

"He was there," I said. "I swear, I saw him. He was right there!"

"No." Dimitri said, grabbing my face and forcing me to turn my head. "He's not."

"But I saw him—"

"Look at me, Rose." Dimitri commanded. I obliged. Those seemingly endless eyes bore into mine, and a blanket of tranquility covered me. "Take three deep breaths. Do you trust me?"

I nodded.

"I need you to say it."

"I trust you."

"Then believe me when I say that wasn't him and you are entirely safe with me." Dimitri said, voice so deep and soothing. "No one is going to cause you harm. I swear by it."

I stared at him, and couldn't help but believe so deeply in every word he said. "Okay," I croaked finally. "Thank you."

Lissa poked her head in the door and screamed, "Ohmigod! Ohmigod! Ohmigod! She's awake!"

"She's awake?" A crowd inquired.

"Yeah, she's awake!"

"No way!"

"_Way!_ "

"Really?"

"Just shut up and get in here!"

All at once, the room was filled with familiar, loving faces. I expected to feel panicked, claustrophobic, desperate to get away from anybody and everybody.

But all I felt was need. A need so strong to have them around me, as if my very life depended on it.

Janine, Adrian, Sydney, Christian, and Lissa all stared with wariness, careful to give me space. I was shocked to see tears glistening in every single one of their eyes.

My vision went blurry and I barely sobbed out, "come here, you big babies," before I was ambushed and smothered with hugs.

"Move it! She's my best friend!" Lissa bumped Christian out of the way with her hip to gain better access. He stumbled, and to steady himself, grabbed onto my bad leg.

"Ahhhhhh!" I hissed. "Holy mother fucker—sorry mom—that hurt like hell! Owwwwwww. _Sssssssssss_."

"Damn it—sorry Janine—Christian!" My best friend punched her boyfriend in the arm. "Ohmigod Rose, are you okay? I'll get the doctor. Doctor! _DOCTOR!_"

"EMERGENCY!" Adrian called out.

"911!" Sydney shouted.

"Guys relax," I laughed, gritting my teeth in pain. "I just need some drugs ASAP. I'll take anything right about now."

"Holy shit—sorry Ms. Hathaway—Rose, are you okay?" Christian came forward, sounding very sincere, which was a first for the smart-ass. "I totally didn't mean to! I'm so fucking—my apologies again, Ms. Hathaway—sorry."

"It's okay. I'm fine. Just get me some _drugsssssss! _NOW._"_

The doctor came in and issued everyone out, except Dimitri when he realized I was beginning to freak out, and adjusted some of my IV's and the clear bags hanging from the medical wrack. The dripping rate increased.

"Hello, Rosemarie. How are you feeling?"

"Hey doc," I slurred, my tongue suddenly feeling heavy. "Really _goooooood_."

"I want you to count back from ten for me, sweetie." He directed, and I smiled goofily.

"Mmmkay." I giggled. "10, 9, 8…7…"

* * *

><p>"Hell yeah! This place is poppin'." I nodded appreciatively, gazing around at our new two-bedroom apartment.<p>

"What are you doing?" Dimitri asked from behind me, humor in his voice.

"Dancing terribly." I sang, as I danced around awkwardly with my leg cast. "_This is the life of a, the life of a, go getta! Go getta!_ Oh, look at me go, Comrade. Bet you can't do this. Whoop. Whoop. Don't be jealous!"

He merely stared at me as I attempted to do the moonwalk with crutches, lips twitching.

"I'm not envious."

"Yes, you are. Don't lie."

"You are crazy."

I smiled, "Thank you. How are you feeling?"

"Like I want to kiss you."

"Then come to mama, sugar!"

Dimitri growled, "Don't call me that," but nonetheless closed the distance between us, cradled my head in his large hands, and pressed his full mouth to mine.

When I pulled back, I was—of course—intoxicated with desire, my IQ stuck in the single digits. "I love the way you kiss me," I mumbled, lips centimeters away from his.

"I love the way you taste." Dimitri said, eyes blazing.

"_Ahem._" Someone cleared their throat loudly. Our heads snapped over. Two police officers stood in the open doorway.

"Get them out of here." I snarled. "I don't want to talk."

"I'll take care of it." Dimitri said simply before disappearing with the men. The front door shut softly.

I worked on controlled breathing and tried not to let the memories consume me. Since being released from the hospital two months ago, the police had tried unsuccessfully on several attempts to question me. I was aware that it might help the case, but I still wasn't anywhere near prepared to relive those days I spent in captivity. Maybe one day I would be, but that day sure as hell wasn't today.

I had minimal contact with Sydney, but I'd heard she was doing well. She was now living in seclusion with her parents and devotedly attending therapy sessions and church. I was happy to hear she was trying to pick up the pieces and improve her life, but without sugarcoating it, there was only so much treatment, rehabilitation and faith could do for her. Bottom line, Sydney would never be the same. Still, I wished nothing but the best for her.

As for myself, I had a long way to go, and I might never be healed, but I knew with someone like Dimitri along with my family by my side, I would repair a lot faster. And there might be a chance—just the smallest chance—that I might live half a normal life again one day. Sometimes hope was all that you had. Never doubt the sheer power of it.

"Ready to get your cast removed?" Dimitri asked, snapping me out of thought.

I faked a smile. "You betcha."

Twenty minutes later, Dimitri whipped his black SUV into a parking space.

I climbed out of the masculine vehicle and groaned, "Ugh. I hate this place."

"Technically, we're not going to the hospital." he pointed out. "We are going to the doctor's office located in that small building over there."

"I'm so sick of you." I teased. Dimitri snorted and grabbed my hand, guiding me towards it.

Fifteen minutes and some waiting time later, the nurse put us in a room and performed some standard procedures, then informed us that the doctor would be in momentarily and quietly left. Thank God. That bitch was totally undressing Dimitri with her eyes.

I stared at my legs swinging restlessly on the bed. "Comrade?"

He looked up and lifted a brow in question. "Yes."

"Why won't you have sex with me?"

Those dark eyes flashed with surprise, and—I'll be damned—he cleared his throat as if uncomfortable. "You know why."

I narrowed my eyes. "Because of my leg. That's not a good enough answer, Comrade."

"Yes, it is."

"No, it's not."

"Yes Rose," he said sharply, "it absolutely is."

"Why?"

"Because I said so."

I snorted, my nerves heating up. "You're my boyfriend. I'm your girlfriend. Normal boyfriends and girlfriends have sex. Let's have intercourse…I really want to have sexual intercourse with you, Dimitri."

His gaze widened a fraction.

"Come on, Comrade! What are you waiting for? Penetrate me, Dimitri. _Penetrate me!_"

Dimitri's eyes peered over my shoulder, and flashed with alarm.

Someone cleared their throat. "Didn't mean to interrupt you two. I can come back in a few minutes if you'd like…"

I faced the doctor, blushing furiously. "Er, no. That's okay. We're ready to go."

"It appears so." She winked, grinning cheekily and extending her arm. "My name is Dr. Olendzki."

We both shook her hand.

"It's nice to meet you, Doc." I said politely, camouflaging my raging embarrassment. "When can we get this cast removed?"

"We can get that ball rolling right away if you want," she offered. "I was supposed to have lunch two hours ago and I'm frickin' starving." As if on cue, a low growling noise came from her stomach.

I grinned, "We're on the same page. I can't wait to get out of here!"

"And I can't wait to get you out of here!" The doctor declared, laughing. She busted out a device that looked similar to an over-sized, electronic pizza cutter and immediately got to work.

What seemed like no time later, I was testing out the strength of my leg by slowly standing up and applying weight to it.

"How does it feel?" Dr. Olendzki asked.

"Fine," I said triumphantly. "Sore, throbbing a little, but besides that, it's good."

"That's what three reconstructive surgeries will do for you."

"Do you think I'll set off the metal detector at the airport?"

She chuckled and said, "You just might."

"Cool."

"Walk around, see how you feel."

I did, feeling excitement and independence ignite my bones. "Oh my god, I'm all better! Now I don't have to go through physical therapy! _That's what I'm talking about!_"

"Rose." Dimitri and the doctor said in unison, tone scolding.

"Alright, alright." I said, defeated. "I'll go to stupid physical therapy."

There was a light knock at the door, and the nurse entered, facial expression blank. She approached the doctor and spoke into her ear lowly. When she pulled back, the doctor look displeased.

"I'll take care of it." she said disgustedly, waving her folder dismissively. "That man is a monster. It's hard to believe you're related to him, Rosemarie."

Absentmindedly I watched the nurse quietly exit the room, and then it dawned on me. My head snapped over. "What did you say?" I demanded.

Dimitri visibly tensed.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I do not mean you any disrespect, it's just that, well…in all honestly, I don't believe scumbags like him deserve to be treated medically." Dr. Olendzki said. "What's the point of even letting him live? The bastard's going to hell in the end anyways—"

"That's enough." Dimitri cut her off, standing in between the two of us.

I looked up at him, absolutely murderous. "Get the fuck out of my way, or you will seriously regret it."

He clenched his teeth audibly, and obliged.

"You mean Abe?" I growled, feeling my whole body begin to tremble uncontrollably. I clutched onto the bed for support before my legs could give out.

Genuine surprise and confusion flooded her face. "Uh, yes, I do. Once I wrap this appointment up, I have to head upstairs to sign some release forms before I can eat my lunch—"

My vision swam, my senses on overload. It was all too overwhelming and the last thing I heard before collapsing was Dimitri calling out my name.

My captor was alive.


	15. Chapter 14: Hurt Me

**A/N: **Hey guys! _I MISSED YOU ALL!_ Here's the next chapter. I know I've been really bad with updating, and although I can't promise anything, I'm going to try and fix that problem. Once I wrap up Saving Me, which only has about 5-7 chapters left :(, I'm really excited to be focusing all of my attention to my other fic, Cop and Attitue! So don't worry, I still haven't given up on that one.

Anyways, I hope you like this chapter! I'm really aiming to update within the next two weeks. Enjoy!

~Ms. Belikov

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to Richelle Mead.<strong>

**The original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story are owned by Ms. Belikov. Please do not copy, reproduce, or translate without express written permission.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Previously on Saving Me...<strong>_

_There was a light knock at the door, and the nurse entered, facial expression blank. She approached the doctor and spoke into her ear lowly. When she pulled back, the doctor look displeased._

_"I'll take care of it." she said disgustedly, waving her folder dismissively. "That man is a monster. It's hard to believe you're related to him, Rosemarie."_

_Absentmindedly I watched the nurse quietly exit the room, and then it dawned on me. My head snapped over. "What did you say?" I demanded._

_Dimitri visibly tensed._

_"Oh, I'm sorry. I do not mean you any disrespect, it's just that, well…in all honestly, I don't believe scumbags like him deserve to be treated medically." Dr. Olendzki said. "What's the point of even letting him live? The bastard's going to hell in the end anyways—"_

_"That's enough." Dimitri cut her off, standing in between the two of us._

_I looked up at him, absolutely murderous. "Get the fuck out of my way, or you will seriously regret it."_

_He clenched his teeth audibly, and obliged._

_"You mean Abe?" I growled, feeling my whole body begin to tremble uncontrollably. I clutched onto the bed for support before my legs could give out._

_Genuine surprise and confusion flooded her face. "Uh, yes, I do. Once I wrap this appointment up, I have to head upstairs to sign some release forms before I can eat my lunch—"_

_My vision swam, my senses on overload. It was all too overwhelming and the last thing I heard before collapsing was Dimitri calling out my name._

_My captor was alive._

* * *

><p>Something cold and wet poured down on me. My body shot up. I gasped, "What the fuck."<p>

"She's awake." said Dr. Olendzki, leaning down.

Blinking several times, the world went clear and I squinted at the annoying bright light above.

"Works every time." said Dimitri, appearing behind her.

"How long have I been out?" I glared at him, my nerves positively on fire.

"Not very long, about thirty seconds." He didn't back down, staring right back at me.

"Well…" The doctor cleared her throat, sensing the tension. "I must go and sign those forms—"

"When you said releasing…"

She stopped, hand wrapped around the doorknob.

"Did you mean release from the hospital? Into the real world? Free? As in he could find me again—"

"No." said Dr. Olendzki, tone firm. "Into police custody. To him, you are untouchable, Rosemarie. I can assure you that much."

I nodded, barely registering reality. The doctor stared at me with concern embedded in her gaze, then shared a grave look with Dimitri, and quietly left the room.

"Rose—"

"Go fuck yourself."

I stood up and headed for the door. He stepped directly in my path.

"Where are you going."

I bit my tongue, desperately trying to grasp onto any and every ounce of self-control I had left in my body - considering I had nearly none to begin with, it wasn't very much. "Get out of my way." I ground my teeth until my molars burned.

Crossing his arms over his massive chest, he didn't budge an inch.

"Dimitri," I growled, heat blistering my skin. "I'm trying to be civil with you, but you're making it very hard."

"Tell me where you are going—"

"If you don't move in the next two seconds, I will hurt you."

Dimitri merely stared at me, dark eyes blazing.

"Don't say I didn't warn you." I took a swing, aiming for his jaw.

Catching my wrist mid-air, he twisted my arm around and yanked me to his body. Back against him, I threw an elbow and caught him in the ribs.

"I taught you well." Dimitri whispered in my ear, causing goose bumps to tighten my skin, a chill dancing through me. For a microsecond, I completely forgot that he'd betrayed me. My body took control and I suddenly wanted to bang him right then and there on top of the hospital bed.

But then his hold tightened around my waist, and I was instantly pissed off again. I stomped on his boot, then he lifted me off the floor and I began kicking like a five year old. As a last resort, I brought my head back hard and knocked it against his.

Dizziness swarmed me. Apparently, head butting was a two edged sword because I immediately regretted my action.

Dimitri swayed slightly and set me down so that he could catch his balance. However, thanks to the wooziness, I lost mine and sloppily fell to the floor.

"Ow! Son of a bitch!" My leg twisted at an odd angle, causing pain to shoot all the way up to my shoulder.

"What's the matter with you?" demanded Dimitri, obsidian eyes searing my face. He snatched several paper towels from the dispenser and dabbed at his bleeding nose. God, why did he have to be so beautiful? Even when injured. It made it very hard to stay mad at him when all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around his large body and fill that aching void I currently felt inside.

"What's the matter with me? What's the matter with _me_? What's the matter with _you_!" I yelled. "I trusted you with everything in me. And you just threw it away, like it meant nothing! How could you lie to me?"

"I didn't lie to you," Was that shame that flashed in his gaze? At least the asshole had some decency. "I kept certain details from you only to protect you."

I laughed with incredulity, a sharp, harsh sound that sounded vicious even to my own ears. "That's the same damn thing as lying, you asshole."

"It was in your best interests."

I massaged my throbbing leg, muttering, "Me kicking your ass is in my best interests."

Dimitri gave me a dry look.

The anger dissolved from me. Hurt and distrust followed tenfold. "I still don't understand how you could do such a thing to me…I try to think of the why's, or reasons for justifying what you did, and it is just beyond me." I said, tears burning in my throat.

"Don't ever doubt me, Rose."

"You give me plenty of reason to."

"You really think me telling you would have made a difference?" Dimitri crouched down, eye level with me.

"Yes." I said, breathless.

"You're right. It does make a difference. It makes the world of a difference. Want to know why?" he paused, but didn't wait for my response. "Because you deserve peace of mind. Although Abe is alive and breathing right this very moment, he's as dead to you as can be. He will never see you again. He will never touch you again. He will never be near you again."

Despite myself, I felt more relaxed as his words continued to reassure me little by little, because I knew Dimitri meant every single one of them with his life.

"The only reason I didn't tell you," he grabbed my hands, and when I tried to yank them away, only tightened his iron hold. After a moment, I quit struggling. "Is because I was doing my best to protect you—"

"You sugarcoated this entire situation. You decided to treat me like a child because you didn't believe I could handle it. Because you didn't think I was strong enough."

"You are the strongest woman I know," He interrupted, dead serious. "The only reason you've been healing these past few months is because you believed him to be dead. How do you think you will handle it now that you know the truth? You don't think your nightmares and panic attacks will come back, do you? Let me till you something - they are going to come back worse than you ever imagined. It eats me alive when I see you like that, Roza. And I am so afraid that I might lose you—"

My voice cracked when I said in a half-dead voice, "You already have."

Those bottomless eyes turned haunted. For the longest time, the chilling silence crawled like spiders over my skin. "You don't mean that."

"I can never forgive you."

"You only say that now."

"You all lied to me. Everyone I know and love lied to me—is lying to me." I corrected, and remained hushed for several heavy moments. "But even knowing that, for some reason, it doesn't hurt half as much as knowing you lied to me, Dimitri. I always thought you would be the one to give me the truth, no matter how brutal it was. I…I just need some time think. Away from you."

A dozen emotions swirled in his eyes, too complicated and intense for me to decipher a specific one. But then he put a lock on his feelings, and slipped on that totally-in-control mask I despised. "I understand." said Dimitri, voice gravelly yet indifferent. "I'll take you to your mother."

"I don't know if I can stand by myself. My leg is killing me."

He leaned down and ever so gently picked me up, then effortlessly carried me to the SUV as if I weighed nothing.

On the twenty minute drive to my parents—now solely Janine's—home, I had plenty of time and quiet to think. That kind of time alone with my own head wasn't always good. Confusion and disbelief flooded me. How had Abe not died? He'd been beaten brutally, stabbed, and shot in the chest.

That disgusting, ominous feeling that had hovered over me for nearly a year after my escape returned. The one that had controlled my entire life, had dictated who I hung out with, what I did, where I went.

"Hell no," I gritted my teeth, nails digging into my palm. Bloody crescents formed. "We're not going through this. Please God, no, no, no. Don't let this happen to me again."

"Rose? We are here." said Dimitri, beside me. I hadn't even noticed the parked vehicle or him exiting it and coming over to my side. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, just frickin' bubbly."

"Come on, I'll help you inside." He went to pick me up, but I stopped him with a firm squeeze to his shoulder.

"I don't need you, okay? I can do this by all by myself—" I fell flat on my face, on the sharp gravel, and slid a few feet down the small hill. "Ow, ow, ow, ow! Son of a _mother!_"

Dimitri stared down at me, his colossal shadow blocking the sun.

I groaned, "Fine, help me!"

He didn't move.

"Oh, my god! Okay! Okay! Okay!" I threw my achy hands up in surrender. "_Please_ help me!"

He scooped me up and headed for the front door, knocking four times when he reached it.

As we waited, I voiced aloud, "It's weird. A part of me still expects my father to answer the door, calling me Kiz, telling me how excited he was about what my mother was baking for dessert. It's just…yeah, nothing will ever be the same."

"I'm so sorry." said Dimitri, because really, what else could he have said?

Janine opened the door a moment later, completely unrecognizable compared to the well-groomed woman I used to know. She'd aged a good twenty-five years in just two months. Her signature red curls were carelessly tied into a pony-tail. She wore an outfit she normally would, a plum-colored blouse and beige slacks, but everything was wrinkled and hanging from her body, indicating she'd lost a significant amount of weight off her already very petite body.

She looked as if she'd seen a ghost.

"Hey mom," I said. Dimitri carefully set me on the ground, still supporting the majority of my weight with the arm wrapped around my waist.

"Rose?" Hers eyes welled, becoming glossy. "Can I give you a—oh, to hell with that! Come here!"

She rushed forward and threw her arms around me. Despite being the most awkward embrace thanks to the fact that I had to be partially held up by Dimitri, it was also one of the most comforting moments of my life.

Up until the day I had been kidnapped, I believed I had been blessed with a good life. I'd lived in the same home since the day I was born. I'd had parents with a successful, seemingly perfect, longlasting marriage. I'd gone to great schools, had childhood friends, and home cooked meals every night. The American dream, it had seemed. But I'd always felt disconnected from my mother, and as silly as it sounded, wondered at times if I had been switched at birth or perhaps adopted.

It felt so much different right now, though. It was hard to explain. When she trapped me in her bonecrushing hold and repeatedly told me she loved me, for the first time ever, I actually believed what she was saying.

And then she said, in a voice that ate me alive, "I had no idea about him, Rose. Please believe me, baby girl."

My limbs turned to ice.

"I am so, so sorry. I'll do anything to make this better. Anything. _Please_...Rose? Say something..."

Heart feeling like it was going to explode from emotion, I stuffed my face in her curls and sobbed, "I love you, and I forgive you."

I may have lost my father, but I'd gained my mother. God worked in funny ways.

* * *

><p>I limped into the living room and collapsed on the couch. "I'm still mad at you."<p>

Dimitri shrugged and did a brief check of the apartment, set his keys and coat down, and headed for the kitchen. He retrieved a bottle of water from the fridge and downed the entire thing. "Fine. I cannot change how you feel."

"Is that all you have to say?"

"Yes."

"I need more than that."

"What do you want me to do, Rose?" He asked, exasperated. "I'm sorry that you had to find out the way you did, but to be honest, I don't regret it. If I had to do it again, I would."

"You would lie to me again."

"If it was for your better good, yes. I wouldn't hesistate."

I threw my hands up, drained of energy and anger. The sting of hurt and betrayal still ran strong in my chest, but for some reason, I couldn't find it in me to stay mad at him. I probably would have done the exact same thing if I was him.

"Do you think I'll get those god awful night terrors and panic attacks again?" I stood up and walked over to him, frowning. I flinched when he touched his thumb to my lips to smooth it out, and something dangerous flashed in his gaze.

"Don't ever do that again."

"Don't ever lie to me again."

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, as if he had a pounding headache. "Fine, deal. God, you've got to be the most stubborn woman I've ever met."

"But that's what you love about me."

Dimitri made a doubtful noise. "I could take it or leave it."

"You're an asshole." I said, not able to help the huge smile on my face. "Now I'm not going to allow you to penetrate me."

"Yes, you will." He said.

"You're pretty confident about that, buddy, aren't you?"

"Yes, because I'm the boss."

"Excuse me?" I asked, laughing. "I don't think so. I'm the one who wears the pants in this relationship, and we all know that."

Dimitri pressed his hard body against mine, and every inch of me came alive. There was no other choice but to surrender to him, body, heart, and soul—it was purely instinctive. In a very deep, accented voice that lit me on fire, he said, "I'm dominant, and you like that…a lot. When I want something, I take it."

My IQ had not only dropped into the single digits, it was fast heading towards negative numbers. A strangled sound escaped my throat, the noise pure desire and desperation.

That dark head leaned down to my neck. His silky hair fanned over my skin, as soft as his fingertips were on the erratic pulse of my throat. Goosebumps tightened all over when he whispered in my ear, "I will have you where I want you, and when I want you."

"And when will that be, big boy?" I somehow managed to say.

"Right here," Dimitri lifted me on top of the kitchen counter. I gasped when he yanked my jeans down. "Right now."

Then his mouth was on mine, rough and controlling and demanding. All of our problems and differences melted away, along with the rest of the world. It was just the two of us, and right now, that was exactly what I needed.


	16. Chapter 15: Challenge Me

**Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to Richelle Mead.**

**The original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story are owned by Ms. Belikov. Please do not copy, reproduce, or translate without express written permission.**

* * *

><p><strong>Previously on Saving Me...<strong>_  
><em>

_I limped into the living room and collapsed on the couch. "I'm still mad at you."_

_Dimitri shrugged and did a brief check of the apartment, set his keys and coat down, and headed for the kitchen. He retrieved a bottle of water from the fridge and downed the entire thing. "Fine. I cannot change how you feel."_

_"Is that all you have to say?"_

_"Yes."_

_"I need more than that."_

_"What do you want me to do, Rose?" He asked, exasperated. "I'm sorry that you had to find out the way you did, but to be honest, I don't regret it. If I had to do it again, I would."_

_"You would lie to me again."_

_"If it was for your better good, yes. I wouldn't hesistate."_

_I threw my hands up, drained of energy and anger. The sting of hurt and betrayal still ran strong in my chest, but for some reason, I couldn't find it in me to stay mad at him. I probably would have done the exact same thing if I was him._

_"Do you think I'll get those god awful night terrors and panic attacks again?" I stood up and walked over to him, frowning. I flinched when he touched his thumb to my lips to smooth it out, and something dangerous flashed in his gaze._

_"Don't ever do that again."_

_"Don't ever lie to me again."_

_He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, as if he had a pounding headache. "Fine, deal. God, you've got to be the most stubborn woman I've ever met."_

_"But that's what you love about me."_

_Dimitri made a doubtful noise. "I could take it or leave it."_

_"You're an asshole." I said, not able to help the huge smile on my face. "Now I'm not going to allow you to penetrate me."_

_"Yes, you will." He said._

_"You're pretty confident about that, buddy, aren't you?"_

_"Yes, because I'm the boss."_

_"Excuse me?" I asked, laughing. "I don't think so. I'm the one who wears the pants in this relationship, and we all know that."_

_Dimitri pressed his hard body against mine, and every inch of me came alive. There was no other choice but to surrender to him, body, heart, and soul—it was purely instinctive. In a very deep, accented voice that lit me on fire, he said, "I'm dominant, and you like that…a lot. When I want something, I take it."_

_My IQ had not only dropped into the single digits, it was fast heading towards negative numbers. A strangled sound escaped my throat, the noise pure desire and desperation._

_That dark head leaned down to my neck. His silky hair fanned over my skin, as soft as his fingertips were on the erratic pulse of my throat. Goosebumps tightened all over when he whispered in my ear, "I will have you where I want you, and when I want you."_

_"And when will that be, big boy?" I somehow managed to say._

_"Right here," Dimitri lifted me on top of the kitchen counter. I gasped when he yanked my jeans down. "Right now."_

_Then his mouth was on mine, rough and controlling and demanding. All of our problems and differences melted away, along with the rest of the world. It was just the two of us, and right now, that was exactly what I needed._

* * *

><p>I awoke the next morning feeling like I'd been to heaven and back. My body ached in places I never knew had existed, but I was also in utter bliss. I stretched out all my stiff limbs like a cat and groaned in pleasure, "<em>Ughhhhhhh, yeahhhh.<em> That's what I'm talking _abouttttttt_."

Dimitri was snoozing beside me in bed, one heavy arm held tight around my waist, one long leg hooked over my bare thigh. I smiled. Even in his sleep, he guarded me like I was some kind of precious treasure.

My breath caught at the sight of his naked form. He was perfection—there was no other way to explain it. His lean, graceful body was nothing but valleys and mountains of hard muscle. His skin was a deep shade of bronze that contrasted well with my olive tone. As saliva gathered in my mouth, I couldn't control myself and gave into my urges.

I straddled him and played my hands across his broad shoulders. His skin was smooth and hot beneath my palms. When he didn't stir, I frowned and pressed my mouth to his. Then led a trail of kisses down his thick throat and mouthwatering chest.

Hmmm. Dimitri still didn't wake up. Strange. The man was so alert twenty-four-seven he practically slept with his eyes open.

Then realization went off like a light-bulb.

One side of my mouth tipped up in a cocky smirk. I felt like I was on top of the world. "I guess I did a real number on you last night huh, big boy?"

Carefully climbing out of bed, I slipped on his boxers and tank top, indulging in the scent of aftershave that clung to the cotton fabric. After brushing my teeth and splashing cold water on my face, I headed for the kitchen with one mission in mind: Make my sexy Russian god breakfast in bed.

Fifteen minutes later, things didn't go as smoothly as I'd hoped.

As the smoke alarms went ape shit, I ripped the box of Chewy cookies from the microwave, screamed when some of the melted chocolate chips scalded my hand, and hurled them across the room. "You son of a bitch!"

The box slammed against the kitchen wall and crispy, burnt dessert splattered everywhere. It was like a cookie mass murder. I ran over and tried to fan the flames out with a hand towel, which only made them grow stronger and angrier.

"Yeah, well…Fuck you, too." I coughed, smoke clogging my throat. My feet stomped on the package, and finally, the fire was extinguished. Thank God. My panic eased and I exhaled in relief.

Dimitri flew into the room, buck naked. His gun was at his side. "What the _hell_ is going on in here?" Those blazing eyes scanned the room, my chocolate splattered, disheveled clothes, and the cookie massacre on the wall. The tension drained from his body and he set his gun down on the counter. "What did you do." he asked, exasperated.

"I tried to bake you cookies." I said innocently, in a small voice. My bottom lip stuck out in a pout. "Sowwy."

"You don't bake cookies in the microwave."

"I know that now."

He strode over and picked up the destroyed package.

"Be careful, that's hot!"

Giving me a dry look, he inspected it. "And you certainly don't put tin-foil in the microwave."

"There isn't tin-foil in there—oh, wait. Yeah, there is. Didn't notice that."

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose before exiting the room. Several seconds later, the shrieking smoke alarm cut off, and the urge I had to murder something went away.

"I leave you alone for five seconds," Dimitri said, "and you nearly burn our home down."

"It was longer than five seconds," I pointed out. This earned me an eye roll.

Angry, I jabbed my finger at his chest. "I was only trying to make you breakfast in bed like a good, loving girlfriend."

"I appreciate the thoughtfulness," he said, grabbing my finger and putting it back at my side. "But I value our lives more than raw eggs and bacon."

My eyes snapped over to the frying pan on the stove. "It's not my fault it didn't cook. I turned on the burner, and nothing happened."

"You turned on the oven."

"Oh." I said. Duh. "Well, lose the damn attitude, you ungrateful bastard! I lost my cookies, burned my hand, and ruined my favorite pair of purple fuzzy bunny slippers. That's the last time I ever do anything nice for you, buddy."

By the time I was done with my rant, Dimitri was smiling from ear to ear, which only fueled my temper. "Shut up," he said, accent thick and heavy. "Just shut up. Because the more you run your mouth, the more I want to fuck it."

My heart dropped, and instantly my body turned into an inferno. The liquid desire raced through my veins, my blood going straight to all the appropriate places. Damn. How did this man control me like a puppet?

"I…I uh…Well, I uh," I said stupidly, desperately trying to grasp onto any coherent thoughts. "I uh…you're _naked_."

"You are quite the observer." Dimitri said, still grinning brilliantly. "We'll clean up the mess later. Get back in bed."

Some small part of the old Rose returned. "What if I don't want to?"

"That is not an option." He said, then promptly threw me over his shoulder and ran for our room. I giggled and screamed, but made no attempt to get away from him. Damn him, he was right—I loved to be dominated by Dimitri.

* * *

><p>"That session was a bitch," I complained, massaging my knee. "It almost hurt more than when I actually broke my leg. With the cast removed, I thought the hard part was over. But this just chaps my ass."<p>

"You're not quitting physical therapy," Lissa said sternly, beside me in the driver's seat. She made a left turn and we drove down the smooth, remote highway that cut through the Montana wilderness.

"You think Dimitri would ever let me do that? Hell no."

"You need to work on that potty mouth."

I clucked my tongue. "Old habits die hard."

"Clearly."

"What the hell is going on?" I demanded anxiously. Lissa looked as surprised as I felt.

"Those guys and trucks can't be here for my house, right?" I said. "No, they can't be. Oh, my god. They are. Pull over right here, Liss."

I jumped out her car as it slowed, cursing when pain shot up my leg. That didn't stop me. I sprinted up the gravel driveway that led to my childhood home. Men in gray uniforms moved the hell out of my way.

"Hey, what the hell are you doing, you sons of bitches! That's my futon, damn it!" I jumped up on top of the piece of red furniture the two men were carrying towards one of the four moving trucks. It fell to the ground with a loud thud.

"Are you crazy or stupid, woman?" The Hispanic one demanded.

"This is mine." I growled. "Don't touch it. And don't touch that! That's my mothers." I ripped a lamp from one passing by and cradled it protectively to my chest.

"Rose, darling?" Janine ran up, short legs going as fast as they could. "Why are you scaring all of my moving men?"

I glared at each and every one of them. They regarded me cautiously, like I was a wild animal. "They're not supposed to be here."

"I hired them," My mother told me, joining me on the futon. "And you bet your sweet bottom that I'm going to get what I paid for."

"Get rid of them."

"I can't do that."

"Why not?" I snapped, narrowing my eyes at her.

"Why don't you come inside, honey?" Janine patted my knee lovingly. "I'll make you some coffee and explain everything."

"Fine," I said, standing up. I pointed a finger at the small crowd of strangers. "But none of you move a thing until we get this situated."

My mother shrugged, knowing it was the best she was going to get from me. "I'm so sorry, guys. Take a break. Go for a long lunch. Thank you."

Inside, my mother handed me a fresh cup of vanilla coffee that smelled amazing. I cradled the mug between my palms and breathed in.

Janine sat down, the perfect picture of anxiety and stress. And then she decided to quit beating around the bush and get down to business. "I sold the house."

"The _fuck_?"

Those eyes widened to saucers.

"Oops, damn it—oops again. Sorry, mom."

Her gaze sparkled with laughter. "It's okay, sweetheart."

For a couple of minutes, we just sat there in silence, alone to our own thoughts. Sadness flooded me. Everything truly was falling apart. The last shred of my old, normal life had just been torn away from me. But still, I looked to my mother with respect and tried my best to be understanding. She had her reasons for what she'd done. I should just be grateful to have recently developed such a close relationship with her.

"Why are you moving?" I asked finally.

"Rose, baby girl, there is no easy way to explain this, but I'm going to try to do the best I can." Janine took a deep breath, slender fingers tightening around her mug anxiously.

The strain was so obvious on my mother, and it broke my heart. Severe stress and heartache could take a serious toll on your body, and considering how my mothers universe had been recently altered, I was afraid that it might end up killing her. She'd lost her husband, found out his true identity, and discovered that he'd kidnapped and abused their only child. No one could imagine what was going through her mind, no one could even pretend to understand what she was going through. There was only one thing I could do to help, and that was support her.

"I love you, mom," I told her, placing my hand over hers. "Stop holding back because you're worried about protecting me. I can handle it. I just want you to talk to me. Say what you're feeling, what you're thinking. I promise you that I will be okay."

"I can't stand being in this house a minute longer," Suddenly, something snapped inside her, and everything came pouring out. "He's all I see, Rose. He's all I think about. He's all I know. I need to change that, because it's eating me alive. And it never gets better; it just gets worse."

Janine stood up and paced the kitchen, delicate mouth trembling with the battle to keep control. "I still expect him to arrive home everyday and kiss me hello. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't prepare supper. For who? For what reason? I am all alone." she said, slapping her hand down on the granite counter. "That doesn't even begin to explain it, Rose darling. But it's not something you can put into words. It's like there's this bomb ticking inside of me, and each hour that passes, the ticking gets louder and louder and louder. And I know that if I don't get far away from this house, from all the memories and lies that I built my old life around, then I'm going to explode."

"Oh, mom," I stood up and put my arms around her. The instant her head rested against my shoulder, her body began to shake violently. I held her through all the tears she shed, through the sobs that shook her to the core, through all the anguished screams, through the raw, heartbreaking demands. One word never stopped spilling from her lips: Why?

Why us. Why did we deserve this. Why did he do what he did. Why had we never suspected a thing. Why couldn't things be different that way we could go back to the way things were before all of these horrendous occurrences shattered our entire existence.

It was like lead had been poured into my heart when she began cursing God for what had happened to her daughter. As a devoted Christian, my mother never swore, rarely drank alcohol, and spent her free time reading the bible. Sundays were spent in church, where I had been brought up and raised until I was old enough to make my own decisions.

I would never dream of my mother taking the lords name in vain, and I'm pretty sure she'd go into cardiac arrest if someone around her did.

"Mom. Mom. Mother. _Mother._" I gritted my teeth, flat-out furious. "_Don't you dare talk like that. Ever. _ You hear me? You know better than that!" I said dangerously, all words growled out. "Now I know everything isn't all kittens and rainbows right now, but damn it, we still have each other. And that's more than a lot of people can say. Don't you ever doubt your faith. Now come on, Strawberry Shortcake…" I tossed Janine a roll of bubble wrap. "We've got some boxes to pack."

* * *

><p>My demons were getting backhanded today, one after another. <em>Smack, smack, smack, smack.<em> And they hated every second of it. I was about to hit them with another devastating blow.

I pulled open the smooth glass door and entered the police station.

My instincts screamed at me to turn back and run far away from this horrible place. Wait, no. Those were my fears, not my instincts.

"You're such a fucking coward." I wasn't running away. It was time to stop putting this off and come face-to-face with one of my worst nightmares: reliving every detail of my time spent in captivity.

Despite feeling like I was going to die and wanting to be swallowed up into the earth, I clenched my hands into fists and kept my feet planted on the ground. "Don't being such a pussy, you pipsqueak!"

"Excuse me?" A large, mocha-skinned police officer approached me. Amusement gleamed in his green eyes. "Are you all right, ma'am?"

"Just bubbly. Where can I find detective…" I dug the business card out of my bra—what? These sweatpants didn't have pockets. I read the card aloud, "Wa-wi-will…detective _will I am_? What kind of name is that."

The police officer, _M._ _JOHNSON _his name tag read, threw his head back and gave a rich laugh. God, he had some gorgeous, brilliant white teeth. "Williams," he corrected, Georgia drawl thick. "Detective Williams is who you're looking for."

"Oh," I said stupidly. "Sorry, the card is faded and wet from being in my bra…ah, anyways, where can I find him?"

"He's off today." Johnson took a sip from his coffee. "Here," he walked over to the front desk and leaned over to snatch a pen and Post-it note from the dispatcher. He winked and gave the lady officer a dazzling grin. She looked like she wanted to throw her panties across the room and bang him right there.

I cleared my throat harshly, and both of them snapped back to attention.

"All right," Johnson began scribbling on the sticky note. "This is detective will I am's personal number. He eats, sleeps, showers, and shits with his cell attached to him. There is no way you will not be able to reach him. If he asks where you got the number, just tell him his nephew gave it to you."

I snatched the offered sticky note and rushed out the building, yelling a quick "Thanks" before the doors slammed shut behind me.

The apartment building was a short walk from the police station, but I took the long route to try and relax my mind and rising anxiety.

The sun had just set, turning the Montana night a deep bluish-orange. The chilly wind whipped passed me, tossing my tangled hair and clearing my senses. I pulled my jacket tighter in an effort to stay warm.

In reality, I was only stalling something inevitable.

Digging into my jeans, I pulled out my cell.

_Missed Calls: Comrade (27)_

_Lissa (4)_

_Janine (1)_

_New Voice mails: Comrade (16)_

_New text messages: Comrade (11)_

They would just have to wait.

I punched in the number Johnson had given me, and held the phone up to my ear. Detective Williams answered on the second ring.

"My name is Rose Hathaway." I made my voice crystal clear. "You have five minutes to ask me questions."

There was a long, shocked filled pause, followed by a rustling noise. Probably getting a notepad, a pen, the tape recorder. "Ms. Hathaway, you're difficult to get hold of—"

"Did you hear me?" I snapped. "I'm not here for chit chat. Clock is ticking."

"How did Mr. Mazur kidnap you? Were you asleep at the time? Injured?"

"I was caught off guard. On our fishing trip." I said. "I discovered something of his that he was hell-bent on keeping hidden. And he couldn't let that secret get out, so he had to take care of me. He hit me on the back of the head and I was knocked out cold."

"What exactly did you find?" The detective asked.

"A masquerade mask, the one with gold's and greens and purples. It was his signature one. And when I saw that, I knew instantly he was my captor."

"Did he ever rape you?"

I swallowed the lump that threatened to choke me. "He tried once, but I don't think he'd ever have the guts to actually go through with it."

Though I didn't see it, I could have sworn he raised his bushy brows. "Really? After all he's done? You seem so sure of that."

"Oh believe me, I know my father…" I paused to reconsider, "Or at least, I thought I did."

"Why do you think he did what he did? The purpose of it? I've been on the force for thirty-one years, and this case will never cease to boggle my mind."

"Because he's in love with me."

It sounded like he had been punched in the gut, "Excuse me, Ms. Hathaway?"

"Look, I don't know how to explain it any other way. It's like a sick obsession that grew stronger and stronger over the years. You have to remember my father was diagnosed with severe schizophrenia as a young child. Maybe he stopped taking his medication and went off into the deep end or something." I said. "Your time is running out, detective."

"Will you testify against him in court?" Williams demanded. "We have plenty of substantial evidence to lock the fucker up for life, but I believe your testimony will really seal the deal on his fate."

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a moment. Was I really strong enough to face my father again? Was I really strong enough to look him in the eyes and have an audience listen to every painful detail of my ordeal? Was I really strong enough to battle all the demons I'd spent years running and hiding from?

The thought alone horrified me. It felt like my skin was being ripped off my body so I could be exposed for the entire world to stare.

I took another deep breath and clenched my trembling hands into shaking fists. I knew what had to be done.

"Yes, I will testify against him." I slammed the cell shut.


	17. Chapter 16: Better Me

**Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to Richelle Mead.**

**The original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story are owned by Ms. Belikov. Please do not copy, reproduce, or translate without express written permission.**

* * *

><p><strong>Previously on Saving Me…<strong>

_Digging into my jeans, I pulled out my cell._

_Missed Calls: Comrade (27)_

_Lissa (4)_

_Janine (1)_

_New Voice mails: Comrade (16)_

_New text messages: Comrade (11)_

_They would just have to wait._

_I punched in the number Johnson had given me, and held the phone up to my ear. Detective Williams answered on the second ring._

_"My name is Rose Hathaway." I made my voice crystal clear. "You have five minutes to ask me questions."_

_There was a long, shocked filled pause, followed by a rustling noise. Probably getting a notepad, a pen, the tape recorder. "Ms. Hathaway, you're difficult to get hold of—"_

_"Did you hear me?" I snapped. "I'm not here for chit chat. Clock is ticking."_

_"How did Mr. Mazur kidnap you? Were you asleep at the time? Injured?"_

_"I was caught off guard. On our fishing trip." I said. "I discovered something of his that he was hell-bent on keeping hidden. And he couldn't let that secret get out, so he had to take care of me. He hit me on the back of the head and I was knocked out cold."_

_"What exactly did you find?" The detective asked._

_"A masquerade mask, the one with gold's and greens and purples. It was his signature one. And when I saw that, I knew instantly he was my captor."_

_"Did he ever rape you?"_

_I swallowed the lump that threatened to choke me. "He tried once, but I don't think he'd ever have the guts to actually go through with it."_

_Though I didn't see it, I could have sworn he raised his bushy brows. "Really? After all he's done? You seem so sure of that."_

_"Oh believe me, I know my father…" I paused to reconsider, "Or at least, I thought I did."_

_"Why do you think he did what he did? The purpose of it? I've been on the force for thirty-one years, and this case will never cease to boggle my mind."_

_"Because he's in love with me."_

_It sounded like he had been punched in the gut, "Excuse me, Ms. Hathaway?"_

_"Look, I don't know how to explain it any other way. It's like a sick obsession that grew stronger and stronger over the years. You have to remember my father was diagnosed with severe schizophrenia as a young child. Maybe he stopped taking his medication and went off into the deep end or something." I said. "Your time is running out, detective."_

_"Will you testify against him in court?" Williams demanded. "We have plenty of substantial evidence to lock the fucker up for life, but I believe your testimony will really seal the deal on his fate."_

_I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a moment. Was I really strong enough to face my father again? Was I really strong enough to look him in the eyes and have an audience listen to every painful detail of my ordeal? Was I really strong enough to battle all the demons I'd spent years running and hiding from?_

_The thought alone horrified me. It felt like my skin was being ripped off my body so I could be exposed for the entire world to stare._

_I took another deep breath and clenched my trembling hands into shaking fists. I knew what had to be done._

_"Yes, I will testify against him." I slammed the cell shut._

* * *

><p>"Where the <em>hell<em> have you been?" Dimitri exploded the instant I opened the door. "Do you know how many times I've called you? How many voicemails I've left?"

"Forty-seven," I answered, "and twenty-two."

His was so still I wasn't even sure he was breathing. "Is this a joke to you?"

"Does it look like I'm laughing?"

"Why didn't you tell me where you were going?" he demanded.

"Because I am an adult, I'm entitled to leave when ever I feel like it, and I don't need your fucking permission every time I decide to go somewhere."

I'll admit it; I may have some self-control issues. I'm extremely hotheaded. It seemed like whenever I was around a pissed off person I absorbed their pissed off energy. Nothing made me madder than when someone treated me like a child. That's exactly what Dimitri was doing right now, and it just wasn't flying with me. When I'm in a relationship with someone, being their equal is a necessity. I don't deal well with being dictated or looked down upon.

"Do you know how worried I was about you?"

"My captor is in jail, remember? No need to worry. I'm untouchable." I said, heading for our bedroom. He followed.

"Not to all the other sick fucks in this world," he said. "You're not magically safe now just because Abe is gone."

I exhaled through my nose, trying my best to calm down. "Stop being such a jackass. I don't need a babysitter." I tore my shirt over my head, ripped my boots and jeans off. Then headed for the shower and turned it as hot as it would go. Steam filled the room.

"Rose," his warm, calloused hands settled on my shoulders, and I nearly shivered. Melting into his touch, I turned around to face him. Eyes like black ice softened the moment I met his gaze. "I'm sorry."

"For what."

"For raising my voice to you. My mother raised me better." Dimitri said. "My emotions are all over the place when it comes to you. I'm impatient. I'm fearful. I'm angry. I'm jealous. I'm possessive. But most of all—I'm protective. I've never felt this way before, and I'm doing my best to adjust."

I smiled faintly, reaching up to caress his jaw. He leaned his face into my hand and closed his eyes.

"I just want you to trust me," I told him softly.

"I _do _trust you," Dimitri said. "It's the rest of the world I don't trust."

"You know, despite what I've been through," I said, "I don't let a weak emotion like fear rule my life. _I _am the one who's in control."

"Believe me, Roza, I know that."

"I love when you call me that."

He kissed me then, slowly and thoroughly. Kissing Dimitri Belikov made you feel like the most important and special person in the world. He had that kind of electric, overpowering charge to him that demolished all of your rational thoughts and made desire all you knew.

He was the one to pull away first and I moaned in protest, wanting that sensual, full, talented mouth back on mine. He rested his forehead against my own.

"Please let me know before you go somewhere—"

One long, graceful finger pressed against my lips when I began to protest, silencing me.

"Just so I can have some peace at mind," Dimitri said. "You have no idea the thoughts that were running through my head earlier when I couldn't get a hold of you."

"Which head?" I smirked.

"Rose."

"Okay, okay," I hissed, defeated. "If I decide to travel alone again, I will tell you what I plan on doing before I leave, whether I tell you in person, give you a call or text, or leave you a note."

"Good."

"But there's one condition," I said. "You cannot dictate where I choose to go."

He swore in Russian, and though I had no clue what he'd said, I translated it to something along the lines of _Fuck that._

"I'm my own person, Comrade." I said. "Take the offer or leave it. Either way, I'm going to do what I want to do. The difference is, one way I will tell you what I'm up to, and the other I will leave you in the dark."

"Fine," A muscle in his jaw jumped. "But know this: If I feel you are in any danger, I will throw you over my shoulder and haul your ass out whether you like it or not."

Hmmm. We would talk about that later. "Deal." I said. I removed my bra and panties, surprised at how comfortable I was being naked in front of a man. I used to be horrified at the thought alone.

But then again, Dimitri wasn't just any man. He was my god.

Those eyes darkened. I headed for the shower.

He growled, "Get back here."

"You want me?" I said, tossing a seductive smile over my shoulder. "Come and get me."

He did indeed.

* * *

><p>I used to think I was strong enough to handle anything. I used to think I was untouchable. I used to think I could conquer anything I set my mind to. I used to think I had it all.<p>

That was until I woke up and realized what a selfish, sheltered girl I'd once been. If only I knew then what I know now. When I felt like things couldn't get any worse, I'd always remind myself that there was someone out there who had it much worse than I did. That thought usually helped me. This time it didn't.

They say God only gives you what you're strong enough to handle. He must have seriously overestimated me.

I stared at my father from beyond the glass.

Abe wore a standard orange jump-suit just like all the other inmates. He was clean shaven, looked surprisingly well rested, and wore a warm, friendly smile just for me.

All I saw was a monster.

My stomach churned violently. I nearly turned around and ran away.

Instead, I sat down and forced myself to pick up the phone. It clattered to the table, and I nearly jumped out of my skin. I picked it up again with wildly shaking hands. Swallowing on a painfully dry throat, I held it to my ear.

"_Kiz…_"

His chilling voice sparked outrage.

"Don't you _dare_ call me that," I gritted my teeth. "You have no right."

Seemingly unfazed by my anger, he said in a friendly voice, "It's so nice to see you. You look wonderful. How's your mother been? She hasn't been returning my letters and I've begun to worry about her-

"Why didn't you die?" I demanded. "You were supposed to die! I killed you, damn it!"

"Obviously not," Abe said, giving me a machete smile. This man was demented to his very core. "I believe I'm still here because I am meant to be."

I barked out a harsh laugh, and had an out-of-body experience. I didn't recognize the girl who exploded out of her chair and snarled like a wild animal. I watched as she pounded her fists against the glass until they bled. She wanted vengeance so bad she could taste it.

"You want to know why you didn't die? I'll tell you." she screamed at him, chest pumping aggressively as she worked to draw oxygen into her lungs. "Death would be easy, painless. You deserve to suffer for what you did to my mother and I. You deserve to live with the guilt and the knowledge of what you've done. I hope your guilt fucking eats you alive and you go insane from it. When you leave this world, you will have a higher power to report to, and God will make sure that you burn in hell where you belong."

I felt my brain reconnecting with my body, coming down from the explosion that had went off when Abe had said he was destined to be here.

"I've come to terms with what I've been through, but trust me when I say your suffering is nowhere near over." I told him.

My heart decelerated. I took a deep breath and sat down again, ignoring the shocked people around me. There were times in your life when truly not giving a fuck was a necessity.

I looked Abe directly in eyes that were identical to my own when I spoke. "I try so hard to hate you, but it's impossible. I don't have room for it in my heart. You know what? I forgive you. I have to move on with my life, or else I will never have one. I can't accept it, but I've learned to live with it. It's a part of me that's made me who I am today, and I'm blessed to have the people who care and love me. That's more than you'll ever be able to say."

I left without looking back. That was the last time I ever spoke to my father.

* * *

><p><strong>1 year later…<strong>

"We the jury find the defendant, Ibrahim Mazur, guilty of false imprisonment with intent to do bodily harm, sexual assault, and aggravated assault and battery with a deadly weapon."

I burst into tears and threw my arms around my mother. Such utter, complete, and absolute relief flooded my body. Abe had just received a sentence of thirty years.

"It's over." Janine sobbed, stuffing her face in my shoulder. "It's finally over."


	18. Epilogue: Love Me

**Hey, guys! Here's the last installment of Saving Me! :( I'm sad to see it go, but I'm also very excited to move onto my other stories... (Cop an Attitude!) I want to thank all of you who kept me inspired and also my BFF's, TheStevieGirl & MeantForEachOtherRD, who were a big help. I hope you all have had as much fun reading this story as I have writing it! Enjoy! =) **

**~Ms. Belikov**

* * *

><p>If there's one thing I've learned in my short twenty-four years on this earth, it's that life is too short to be wasting time with people who don't give a damn about you. There comes a time when you grow up and realize what's most important to you. Most of the time, the realization comes too late and what you love is already far gone. If you're lucky enough, they'll be standing right by your side, having gone through all the thick and thin steps with you.<p>

I consider myself one of the lucky ones.

"Shut your piehole!" I punched Dimitri in the arm. Hard. He winced. "You are _so_ not proposing to me right now!"

"Yes, I am."

"I don't believe you."

"I think I am," he replied dryly, "or else I wouldn't have bought this diamond ring, got down on one knee before you in front of all your family and friends, and asked you to become my wife."

When I first met Dimitri, I believed myself to be broken. No, not broken. Demolished. Ruined. Beyond repair. But this man had seen me at my worst, and still had seen the good in it. He'd brought light back into my life. He'd given me hope. He'd hurt me and healed me. He'd promised to never leave my life, and I trusted that with everything in me. And although I didn't believe in soul mates and wasn't about to get overly corny, I did believe the two of us were meant to be apart of each other's lives. He was the only one for me.

"Alright." I stuck out my hand, waving my fingers expectantly.

He cocked a brow and muttered, "Geee. Thanks a lot."

"Oh, shut up! You already know the answer is yes! Now just put it on already! My stupid eyes are getting all stupid and watery!"

Distantly, I heard clapping and feminine squeals. In a rare show of emotion, Dimitri whipped me up, wrapped his arms around me, and stuffed his head in my neck. "I hope you let me love you forever," he breathed against my skin. I shivered and gripped him tighter, getting lost in his duster.

"Pffft," I snorted. "Even if I said no, I don't think you would let it stop you."

"You know me too well."

I laughed and pulled back to stare at him.

"You do know you have to meet my family now, Roza." he said, interlacing his fingers with mine. "I think you'll get a real kick out of my grandmother."

"Yeva? The witch? Oh, God. This visit's going to be a real pain in my ass."

Dimitri shrugged and looked to the snowing sky. "I think it'll be interesting."

I studied him, noticing all hardness to his sculpted face had vanished. He looked more peaceful than ever before. So unlike the tense air that constantly surrounded him. Was that because of me? Did I really make him that happy?

"Me too." I smiled, leaning against his arm. "I can't wait."

Dimitri Belikov. My future husband. My best friend. The man who would love me forever. God had seriously tested me, but I'd gotten the best thing that's ever happened to me out of it.


	19. Chapter 19

Hey, guys! Long time no see. Haven't been here in a while & I've been writing again. Interested in hearing from me again? Possible sequels, new stories, updates, etc.? Review & let me know! I miss you guys!


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